Children who appear to lack concentration
or curiosity or who are a nuisance to teachers may be labeled
learning disabled. Such children are expected
to show diminished creativity, spontaneity and motivation.
Such labels can devastate
the lives of children who suffer from family chaos
allergies - or those who are more intelligent than their teachers.
Link to Part 1: About Learning Disabilities
Family Dynamics & Learning Disabilities
Learning disorders can delay maturity. Adolescents
with attention deficit disorders seem to need more years to
mature than their friends and peers. Their paths to adult lives
are more likely have detours and speed bumps; and they are more
likely to need assistance as they transition from school to work.
Nothing has a stronger
influence on children
than the unlived lives of their parents. Carl Jung
Although it is not politically correct to compare children with
learning disabilities with the maturity and happiness of their parents,
these phenomena seem related. A child with learning disorders may
be an asset to families in which a problem child provides
parents with a reason to stay together - or with someone to blame.
(Relationship problems may also precipitate
psychosomatic eye problems,
if children unconsciously find ways to not-see unhappy parents. Some clients
reported that their
children's eyesight improved following couple coaching or marriage counseling).
Learning abnormalities (including brilliant academic behavior) may pass unnoticed until adolescence. Latent problems often
become obvious when teenagers cannot participate in relationships ... if they
cannot attract healthy
friends, cooperate in teams and create healthy partnerships.
We help people clarify entangled or enmeshed relationships. We usually
coach the parents of children who suffer learning disabilities,
and during sessions with children, we embed our coaching in stories -
within healing metaphors.
When I told you about my
son's ADD - you offered to coach ME! I felt insulted!
came anyway ... and with my husband a few times ... now our son is
doing better at school ... but you never even met him! Canada
Some learning disorders (e.g. dyslexia) can be resolved with
expert modeling (which is integrated into our coaching), as are
children of divorce
For Coaches, Counselors & Therapists
multimodal treatment for
ADD and ADHD
that includes diet,
medication, exercise and other therapies.
We ask parents of learning-disabled
children to participate in our coaching solutions, as there seem to be few
advantages of individually coaching children if their parents can sabotage,
however unconsciously, their children's development.
Children need emotional support from their parents. Children try to solve their parent's issues
often become mentally or physically ill. If
one or both parents are depressed, dysfunctional or disinterested in their
children's education; some children benefit by creating fantasy parents
who provide some needed emotional support.
As learning disabled children recover their intelligence,
concentration and resources, they often become sensitive to family secrets.
We can help sensitive children assess and assimilate their parents behavior.
Otherwise the knowledge that parents are immature, dysfunctional or don't love
them may result in more stress than
that caused by learning disorders.
If ignored, child ADHD can become adult ADHD, which is often
associated with anxieties, mood disorders,
obsessions and compulsions. Our solutions for adult ADHD include:
organizing life, controlling impulsive behavior, finding constructive outlets
for excess energy and finding appropriate mentors.
How Parents can Prevent & Heal Learning Disabilities
We hold that a primary parental responsibility is that
parents respect each other. Even when one parent feels sick or neglected.
Even if the parents are separated or divorced. Even if one parent is an
addict, in prison or dead. We often coach adults how to show appropriate
(not pretended) respect to their
parents, partners, past-partners etc.
This summary can apply to many consequences of covert emotional incest,
parental alienation and other family
Solutions for Some Learning Disorders
© Martyn Carruthers 1999
Children are preoccupied (ADD) and may show stress symptoms (e.g. nail
biting, nightmares, bedwetting)
Parent(s) ignore family crises, or pretend that crisis is normal
Help the parents
manage family crises quickly and effectively
Children obsess about family secrets
Parent(s) evade, hide or ignore uncomfortable truths
Help the parents
manage guilt issues quickly and effectively
Children confuses roles, and bonds unhealthily with parent(s), siblings
Children may be traumatized and withdraw from family
Children may try to punish self or other family
Parent(s) abuse children
Parent(s) live through children
Parent(s) try to own children
Parent(s) act like children
Parent(s) ignore / abandon child
Help the parents
have friends with whom they can discuss partnership
Help the parents clarify
relationships with their parents, partners and past partners
Children confuse roles and try to become a partner to the parent
Parent(s) bond to a child as a substitute for a partner (emotional
Help the parents
parent their children, and love the partner – even if
Children confuse roles and may show chronic melancholy
Parent(s) ignore dead or missing family members (often to avoid feelings
Help the parents discuss dead or missing family members
Children confuse roles and may show chronic sadness
Parent(s) ignore the absence of a potential (dead) family member
After an abortion, miscarriage, stillborn or cot death, help the parents honor the missing child
Children confuse roles and may become unable to commit to
partnership as adults
Parent(s) allow other people interfere with the parents’ roles and the
Help the parents clarify who are parents and who are substitutes
Children confuse roles and may become chronically angry
Parent(s) allow family members to be manipulated or victimized
Help family members fulfill their responsibilities
Children confuse roles and may show chronic anxiety
Parent(s) ignore courageous actions or bravery by a family member
Help parents honor all acts of bravery by family members
Children may identify with conflicting parental beliefs, showing chronic
Parent(s) become resourceless, resorting to verbal or physical abuse, or
Help parents work together as a team to maintain family harmony
Children may hide all emotions and emotionally withdraw
Parent(s) insist that a child control or hide emotions
Help parents explore child’s emotions and how to express those
Children focus only on what is missing – may develop little or no sense
of life direction
Parent(s) ignore a child’s goals or punish children for saying what the
Help parents explore a child’s goals and how those goals may be
Children feel unloved and act out to discover if they are loved
Parent(s) communicate that children cannot contribute to family goals
Help parents explore child’s potential contributions to family
situations and goals
Children withdraw from family. Depression & psychosomatic disease are
Parent(s) blame children for the family’s problems
Help parents manage partnership and parenthood issues
Online Solutions for Learning Disabilities
- Coaching children needs parental participation and support, or it only
provides short-term relief. For lasting results, we offer parent or
- We require the active participation of at least one adult
member (ideally a parent) of a family who seek help for troubled children.
- When we coach children, we use stories,
interactive metaphors, art and games etc.
Contact us to manage emotions and solve relationship problems
Online Help: Counseling &
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
All rights reserved.