Our relationships with our mothers may be
the most influential relationship
of our lives, creating life-long relationship habits.
We help people
change childish habits and develop their
Little Prince 2 ... Mothers,
Sons and Lovers
Mothers & Sons 2 ...
Peter Pan Grows Up
Mothers & Sons 3 ...
Sons and Lovers
Fathers & Daughters ...
I began this summary of mother-son relationships while
trying to understand why so many men sabotage their own happiness.
Some of my lessons were:
1) most self-sabotage is unconscious,
2) mother-bonded men may not care if they hurt others,
3) men close to their mothers may feel too special to change.
Why do some men fixate on their mothers?
Most boys fixate on their mothers until adolescence but some men
obsess about their mothers for decades longer. Although the consequences can
be severe, few men recognize the consequences, fewer seek solutions and very few
Do you cause friends and family to suffer because
you have emotional problems and you won't get help?
Here's a quick check. (If you are a man - ask female
friends to honestly rate you).
If you have five or more
YES answers, maybe investigate further. Does a man ...
- obsess about his mother?
- attack or sabotage people?
- expect women to serve him?
- react strongly to any criticism?
- demand devotion (not just love)?
- obsess about immature women?
- not commit to happy partnership?
- damage other people's relationships?
- show jealousy, anxiety and insecurity?
- demand attention or threaten to leave?
- blame his mother for all his problems?
- blame his partner for all his problems?
- feel huge anger but avoid expressing it?
- act like a child or like a tyrant ... or both?
- brag, boast and lie in attempts to be special?
- have obsessive interests and few social skills?
- obsess about physical and mental health issues?
- try to rescue married women from their husbands?
- hunt women - quantity not happiness is important?
- avoid couple coaching, marriage counseling or therapy?
These common signs of covert
emotional incest predict years of suffering
for these men, for the
women in their lives and for their children.
THE ONLY WOMAN I TRULY LOVED WAS ANOTHER MANíS WIFE
... MY MOTHER Car bumper sticker seen in America
Mother-Son Fixation or Obsession
If a parent relates to a child in unhealthy ways, the consequences can be severe. Many children of immature,
depressed or dissociated parents
suffer obsessions and compulsions throughout their lives. Later, as parents, they may
enmesh their own children - perhaps with self-sabotage,
codependence. Contact us if you want to change these
habits and to develop your emotional maturity.
I lived with a mother's boy
for 7 years. I left him not long ago but I still hurt
and I still feel betrayed. I feel
like I had a long affair with a married man.
I asked him to
ask you for help, but he always said that he would
if he had any. Florida
Adults with immature partnership and parenting skills often blame their
partners and parents. They may complain
that their partners act like children, or like tyrants, or that
their partners are physically or emotionally absent - perhaps like their parents
were. They may
seek the love that they want in intimate affairs ... or from their children.
While immature adults often complain about their partners and
children, they rarely recognize that their partners and children are responding
to their own immaturity. In such families,
immature behavior is often normal and expected.
My ex-husband is a child. He avoids
decisions and only wants to play ...
I liked his childishness until
we had a baby, but he resented our son ...
after three bad years I
divorced him, and he went home to his mother.
It took a few sessions before I stopped trying to mother him.
Are you Entangled with a Man who is
Entangled with his Mother?
When parents do not enjoy being together, cross-generational bonds, obsessions and fixations seem
likely . When you were
young, were your parents:
- separated or divorced?
- irresponsible or immature?
- addicts, depressed, bipolar or suicidal?
- miserable - but they stayed together anyway?
- physically absent, chronically ill, dysfunctional or dead?
Since my teenage son moved in with
his father, I feel terribly lonely,
My son visits me every few weeks and
knows that I am sad without him, he won't come home.
told me that I need him more than he needs me.
I outlined solutions for some common family issues in
Learning Disabilities and
Covert emotional incest between fathers and daughters is also common - see
Daddy's Little Princess.
In a strange, faraway country, many boys believe
that their mothers are virgins,
and their mothers believe that their
first sons are gods.
Our story begins with a pregnant mother. While pregnant, the mother
likely enjoyed the attention of her family, but when
her baby was born, attention shifted from her to her baby. Feeling ignored, she tried to regain her family's attention by post-partum depression, and/or by becoming a Super-Mom.
My last boyfriend was a 42 year old child
who didn't want to disappoint his mother.
He never did chores around the house and he phoned his
mother all the time.
He phoned his mother when he left, when he arrived and in
He would get upset if I talked to
him like to an adult. North Carolina
The husband of a
Super-Mom may feel rejected, especially if he depends on his wife to provide
meaning for his life. He may feel that a baby
- especially a boy baby - is a rival, yet he may avoid his wifeís need for intimacy, support
or responsibility. He may become depressed
and/or obsess about intimate
affairs with young women.
Your Little Prince article described my
ex-husband. Add passive-aggressive
to the profile,
also broken promises and denial. I will avoid
mother's boys in the future. London
Next ... The Little
Prince - Part 2
Contact us to solve negative emotions and relationship
Online Systemic Coaching, Relationship Counseling &
... I found validation and understanding for my marriage. My husband is aggressive when he cannot
avoid responsibility. I recently had health problems and asked my
husband for help, but MAJOR fighting began. My husband cannot accept
any role for me that is NOT Mother - and he martyrs himself as my
abused son ... You offer me hope that I can live and love
and laugh again. THANK YOU. Georgia
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© Martyn Carruthers, 1998-2015 All rights reserved.