Your relationship with your mother may be one of the most
of your life and supports life-long relationship habits.
change unwanted relationship habits.
Are you afraid of disappointing your mother?
Do you cause friends and family to suffer because
you have emotional problems and you won't get help?
We help men manage their emotions and enjoy healthy relationships.
We help women be healthy partners - not mothers - to their men.
Little Prince 1 ... Mothers,
Sons and Lovers
Mothers & Sons 2 ...
Peter Pan Grows Up
Mothers & Sons 3 ...
Sons and Lovers
Fathers & Daughters ...
The Super-Mom (continued from Part 1)st
To feel special - a Super-Mom may see her son as very special.
She may encourage her son to do special things that she
will not do herself; or she may cling to him and threaten horrible
things if he tries to avoid her control. If her son does not feel nor
special - the boy risks losing his mother's love.
Soon after I gave birth to my
son, I realized that my life purpose
is to prepare him for his great destiny.
Some mothers dedicate their lives to their sons. This sacrifice
is expected in some cultures where the family may applaud her and the son
may call his mother a saint. The son may defend his mother and
attack anybody who does not seem to recognize his mother's special holiness
... especially his father and other women.
My husband accepts his mother's beliefs, no
matter how illogical, as facts.
He rejects any evidence to the contrary with anger and aggression.
A mother bonded to her son may form a codependent couple. If
one of them finds independent happiness ... or another special partner
... the other will experience a crisis. Codependent couples
often remain emotionally retarded
as their bodies grow older.
Neither may make decisions independent of the other.
My ex-boyfriend husbands his
mother. He never married and had few relationships.
lives with his mom and has not worked for 15 years. He is
aggressive and a recluse.
He would not contact you. I left him for my sanity.
You helped me
get over him - and over my conditioning. Texas
Freud, Oedipus and the Little Prince
If a lonely mother sees her son as special, she may reward
her son with special treatment, and her son repays her by acting
special. Instead of enjoying childhood, a boy may develop adult
obsessions and fantasies; perhaps fuelling his father’s fear
that, "My son is my rival for my wife's love".
Freud wrote that every boy has
an Oedipus Complex - that every boy
his sexual desire for his mother and his jealousy toward his father and
experiences emotional conflicts. This may be Freud's autobiography
or a facet of Central European culture at his time. We mostly find
in men from families where mothers were
confused between Sons and Lovers.
But if a son becomes his mother's partner emotionally, he may be
unable to lovingly commit himself to another woman - although he may dutifully
follow his mothers instructions to marry a certain woman. Without help, he may
remain a Mother's Boy until his mother dies - or even longer.
My husband visited his mother nearly every
day and I felt that I was married
more to her than to him. If she asked me to do something her way -
I was in big trouble if I did it my way. I was relieved when she died,
although he takes flowers to her grave nearly every day. Chicago
Consequences of Mother - Son Triangulation
A boy who dreads his mothers' rejection may try to be more special.
If other people do not perceive his specialness, he may attack (become a bully)
or withdraw (become a nerd). He may become a passive good boy to please his mother,
or he may aggressively rebel against his mother to please his father - perhaps becoming
passive-aggressive - or
he may even be diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
The feeling that they are more important to
mother than father makes them feel that
they are wonderful, and since they are already grown
up and need not do anything to
establish their greatness because - and as long
as - mother loves them ... Erich Fromm
Many men complain to us that they were not properly mothered.
They may complain that they were not loved in the right way, or not long
enough, or that their mothers were absent or preoccupied. Such men
often behave like children within adult bodies.
If a mother-bonded man feels rejected by a woman - any woman - that man may
experience a crisis and act like an out-of-control child, perhaps reliving
some childhood trauma about abandonment or rejection.
My wife's therapist suggested
that I read your article ... but my mother always preferred
brother ... my wife is the wonderful mother I never had ... so
nothing is wrong ...
we have a perfect marriage ...
she should not be depressed.
The consequences of
emotional incest include
The consequences also include intellectual men who cannot
maintain a happy partnership, and spiritual men who more often
search for a (sacred) father - or for oblivion.
The cost includes the burned-out shells of adult boys
who lost themselves in cults or drugs.
You offered to help me change what
you called emotional incest ... but I like my lifestyle
and I like who I am.
Normal people are boring ... I am different ... I like being special!
The more a mother needs a special child-man - the less space she has for
a real boy. During adolescence, as healthy young men prepare for partnership
and parenthood, mother's-boys may be unable to consider committed adult
relationships. (Mother-fixated sons are often highly intelligent (they had to
be) but their
maturity may be delayed
- sometimes by decades).
I tried to love him - I really
did - but he didn't know what to do with my love and he didn't
want to learn. His heart and mind were always with his mother.
What Happens to a Super-Mother?
- She may be called a saint by her son - adored
for her sacrifices.
- She may be called a demon by her son's wife -
distrusted for her passive-aggressive behavior, manipulation, depressions or
- If her son finds a partner, a Super-Mom may suffer a crisis
of rejection and may try to sabotage his
- If her son leaves home, a Super-Mom may adopt
a younger man (or a younger 'mannish' woman) as a protégé or lover.
- If a Super-Mom becomes healthy and corrects her own behavior,
her bonded son may experience a crisis, and accuse his mother of betraying,
rejecting or abandoning him.
We do not try to persuade immature adults
to be responsible.
When they have suffered enough to change ... we are here.
A Little Prince Grows Up
Contact us to resolve negative emotions,
self-sabotage and relationship problems.
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I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
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