| My spouse cannot be intimate with me. He had several addictions, such as alcohol and
smoking, which he overcame, and a sexual addiction, for which he is being treated.
I have suffered too much and I want a better life. Most of his problems are
connected to his mother. He is blindly loyal to her and always takes her side.
And whenever he hurts anyone, no
matter much hurt he caused, she blindly defends him. After reading
the Little Prince, I feel that my spouse has taken that role with his mother. I
ask for help ... when can I get Soulwork? MW, Ontario, July 2003
I cannot begin to understand how I found you, and how
we met, and the wonderful Soulwork session we had yesterday. I believe that God sent
you to our lives at the right moment. I can't thank you enough for your
help. I am still overwhelmed at the revelations of yesterday.
MW, Toronto, Ontario, July 2003 |
A Little Prince is attracted to father-bonded women - to a
Daddy's Princess. They can recognize each other across a crowded
room and may describe love at first sight.
Codependence cannot survive responsibilities and life challenges.
If one partner "grows up" - the other
may experience crisis. One or both partners may leave, seek sexual affairs
or create a child, as they attempt to regain their lost special-ness.
The birth
of a child may begin a new cycle. The new Mother may discover that her Son is
the special male that she seeks; or the new Father may super-bond to his
wonderfully dependent Daughter. This predictable suffering may span generations
- and can be predicted for unborn children!
If either partner in a codependent relationship finds happiness,
the other partner may suffer crisis. Independent happiness is a threat
- not a blessing. A hint of happiness from one partner may motivate
withdrawal, threats, victim games and demands from the other.
Mother-bonded men will likely repeat this pattern in subsequent
relationships. They may seek intimate or sexual affairs, they may become love or
sex addicts, or they may distract themselves with alcohol, drugs or obsessions.
Few macho men can let go of their mothers' apron strings.
Mother-bonded men may try to seduce the wives or girlfriends of friends and colleagues.
Committed relationships are an interesting challenge to their manhood - and a
repetition of the drama between them and their parents. They may fantasize about or arrange wife-swapping or group sex. Expect temper
displays if they
don't get a woman they want ... and short-term affairs if they do.
Many mother-bonded men eventually withdraw into a reclusive life or join a
men-only organization to
"find themselves". Mother-bonded men often seek a "loving
Father". Expect to find many mother-bonded men probing the
religions and gurus of the world - endlessly searching for an authentic experience of fatherhood.
They may experiment with homosexuality.
If a mother-bond is replaced by a same-sex obsession, expect homosexual
fantasies as a man asks "Where is my Father?". This
may motivate promiscuous homosexuality (and a risk of AIDS) - or violent homophobic behavior
if homosexual fantasies are repressed.
| My father left when I was
10 ... I was my mother's best friend. She even asked my advice on her underwear.
We did everything together. I was shattered when she
re-married and I could hardly look at her new husband, even though he was good
to me. I
left school to work in a garage. At age 18 I moved in with a divorced
woman aged 27. When she left me for a man her own age, I tried to kill
myself. I am now alcoholic. When can I get Soulwork? MJG New Jersey |
Summary of Parent-Child Codependence
Parent-child codependence creates predictable patterns
of emotional incest. The most common forms may be Mother-Son and
Father -Daughter. The consequences
include enormous suffering: depression, unhappy marriages,
divorce, obsessions, addictions, homosexuality and cult membership.
| My wife and I were happily
married for 18 years and we have four children. My wife recently reunited
with her son that she gave for adoption when she was 17. He is both dominant
and possessive. He spends each day, evening and some nights with my wife and
seems to replace me as her husband. She sleeps with him in his room with the
door locked.
Florida, USA, 2003 |
Solutions for a Little Prince
Emotional incest may include
entanglements between brothers and sisters, grandparents and other
family members. Secondary entanglements may require systemic coaching before
you can dissolve primary entanglements.
Mother-son entanglement is normal in many cultures, and your attempts to
change may be resisted by family members. Emotional
incest seems to be more common in Mediterranean Europe, and
amongst their descendents in America, Canada and Australia.
Although dissolving family entanglements with Soulwork coaching can bring
peace and freedom, as a mother-bonded man becomes aware of his suffering,
and the suffering of his partner and children, he may reject evidence of his
sickness as "stupid ideas".
Women who support a Little Prince's specialness are often
father-bonded . There is no shortage of
women who seek immature male partners! Such women also avoid healthy relationships
and prefer the drama of codependence, serial affairs, or the peace of isolation.
Getting Over a Little Prince
Women with immature partners might recognize these symptoms and want to
help or leave their partners. If you are a woman who prefers
immature men, you can first look at your own relationship patterns. Do you
need a man that you can "mother"? Are you following your mother's drama?
Are you only attracted to mother-bonded men?
Soulwork Systemic Coaching
Relationship Coaching provides solutions for people hurt by family
entanglements, attachment disorders and other complex intra-family, codependent,
relationship and systemic challenges. Soulwork helps people assess their
personal and family situations, clarify their relationships and recover lost
resources and qualities. We help people find integrity and freedom.
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© Martyn Carruthers, 1998 - 2005. All
rights reserved.
