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Emotional Issues
Addictions
Anger & Rage
Anxiety
Dependence
Depression

Dissociation
Eating Problems
Emotional Maturity
Grief & Loss
Immaturity
Inner Child

Pain Control
Sadness
Stress Relief

Toxic Beliefs
Trauma & Stress
Weight Loss

 

Relationship Problems
Abuse
Affairs

Codependence
Dissolve Conflicts
Divorce
Emotional Blackmail

Enjoy Partnership
Evaluate Partners
Long-Distance Love
Love & Hate

Partnership
Past Partners
Premarital
Rejection
Sexual Issues
Soul Mates

 

Family Challenges
Abuse

Abortion
Adoption
Ancestors
Brothers & Sisters
Divorce & Children
Emotional Incest
Family Meetings
Family Secrets

Fathers & Daughters
Fathers & Sons
Learning Disorders
Mothers & Daughters
Mothers & Sons

Parental Alienation

 

Life Lessons
Authority
Bad Habits
Being Alone
Children's Challenges
Communication
Observing Feelings

Patterns in Love
Personal Growth
Quantum Leap
Self Esteem
Self Improvement
Self Intimacy
Stress & Relaxing
Therapist and Clients

 

Specialties
Chaos Coaching

Inner Conflict
Consciousness
Expert Modeling
Leadership
Learning Disorders
Mentorship

Psychobiology
Sexual Abuse
Soul of Soulwork
Systemic Management
Therapist Abuse
Training Abuse

 

 

Interview with Martyn
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Fee, Cost, Price
 

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Making Space for Healthy Relationships
Negative Emotions & Relationship Problems Martyn Carruthers

Online Love Coaching


We offer coaching, seminars and mentorship on lasting happiness,
family constellations, resolving family problems and dissolving toxic beliefs.
Do you feel betrayed by love?


What is Love?

Love may have more definitions than any other word. The question "What is love?" can fuel endless discussion, debate and arguments. Ask it and you will likely hear: love is everything; love is nothing; love is God; love is sacrifice; love is a feeling; love is a decision; love is blind; love is manipulation; love is duty ...

So many answers - and perhaps all of them are true. ("What is truth?" is an equally awkward question). But if effectiveness measures truth, I will not write about truth but about effectiveness. The question, "How can we express and receive love?" may bring us down from abstractions into the everyday details of our everyday lives.

If a computer is programmed to say I love you - would you believe it? If a computer that looks like a human is programmed to say I love you - would you believe it? If a human being is programmed like a computer to say I love you ... would you believe it?

What do you believe? Perhaps your answers will surprise you!

  • Can you express your love effectively?
  • How would you describe your ability to love?
  • What would convince you that you are loved?
  • What would convince you that you love someone?
  • How would you recognize loving communications?
  • How would you respond to loving communications?
  • How would you describe your ability to express love?
  • What would convince you that your love is accepted?
  • How do you check how your loved ones want to be loved?
  • How do your loved ones respond to your expressions of love?

The motivations to love and be loved have many facets. Whether your motivation is biochemical, social or spiritual, you are probably motivated to preserve your human body, to create descendents, to give your descendents advantages and / or to protect people you perceive as family. And you may call your motivation "love".

Stress Disorders . Divorce and Children . Parent Alienation


Space for Love

What is the relationship between a person and a not-yet-met life partner? Between a parent-to-be and an unborn child? Between an artist and a not-yet-created masterpiece? Between a businessman and a yet-unrealized enterprise?

Dreams can motivate us to seek or create ways to express love. In these moments, we become aware of our unfulfilled potential for happiness that we wish to share in healthy, loving relationships.

To express love, we need "space" for love. If we focus our energy on one thing - there may be no space for other things, or at least no space without conflict.

Single people often complain about the difficulty finding a life partner.
I often ask "Do you have space for a partner in your life?" and
I enquire about how much time and energy they have available for partnership.
Many young, single people tell me that they hardly have time and energy
for an affair ... let alone a long-term committed relationship.

Sometimes people confuse relationships - for example a child may perceive a baby-sitter as a substitute mother (especially if a substitute expresses more love than a biological mother), or a person may imagine that an employer is like a father.

There are common examples of transference - of substitute relationships. Do you perceive bosses as parents? Some people perceive clients as partners; pets as children; a random crowd as a community; a country as a substitute for "all-of-humanity"...

If we feel that someone important is missing, and a relationship space seems empty, we may want to fill that space. If we lack children, we may semi-consciously perceive partners, parents, things or projects as substitute children - and attempt to express love to them instead of loving children.

Many relationship problems include perceiving a partner as a parent, or as a child, or perceiving a parent or child as a partner. The underlying pattern is similar. We may perceive what we need to perceive to feel comfortable - as an attempt to feel that our lives have meaning or make sense.

We offer solutions for most relationship problems and communication challenges. We coach people to improve their relationships as an integral part of defining and attaining important goals. Our training includes in-depth coaching for many relationship issues.

Predictable Partnership  Mother - Son Bonding  Father - Daughter Bonding

Encourage & Appreciate Love

I often describe love as having two modes of expression, active and passive. I refer to active love as enthusiasm, and passive love as appreciation. To actively love, I can choose to understand your desired future and I can choose to support your goals. To passively love you, I can choose to understand your past, and I can find ways to appreciate your actions. Some tips:

  1. Maturity includes expressing love appropriately.
  2. Accepting love is a powerful way to express love.
  3. You may choose to love anyone or anything ... or nothing.
  4. Fulfilling adult relationships requires physical and emotional maturity.
  5. People can participate in relationships for happiness and sense-of-life.

Relationship confusion usually leads to suffering - to a lack of sense. Our basic relationship types are: Original Family, Friendship, Teamwork, Partnership, Parenthood, Community and Humanity. The skills required for each relationship type are a prerequisite for the next relationship type in a predictable hierarchy

  1. Original Family: relationships with the family into which you were born or adopted
  2. Friendship: relationships with people with whom you choose to work, rest or play
  3. Teamwork: relationships with people with whom you co-operate to accomplish projects
  4. Partnership: relationships with people with whom you create a stable, intimate team
  5. Parenthood: relationships with children that you create or adopt
  6. Community: relationships with people with whom you share interests (e.g. a neighborhood, professional associations, ...)
  7. Global: relationships with other communities

Love is just a word people use to make other people do things they don't want to do.
Newport, Wales

You may not be aware of what you lack until you notice that some people are happier than you. Happiness is not luck. People who enjoy long-term happiness generally have healthy relationships and quality relationship skills. Observe happy people ... notice what do they do that you don't do; and notice what they avoid doing.

Our relationship coaching, counseling and therapy offers a practical science of happiness - we coach individuals, couples and teams to build happiness through fulfilled success and fulfilled relationships.

Contact us to solve emotional problems and relationship issues

Online Solutions for Negative Emotions and Relationship Problems

Plagiarism is theft Martyn Carruthers 2002-2017 All rights reserved


If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention www.SystemicPsychology.com or www.EmotionsRelationships.com

For online help, email us at: europecoach@gmail.com

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii

 

Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

 
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Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland

 

 

Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2017 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email europecoach@gmail.com