Do you want coaching or training on preparing
ending marriage problems
and mature partnership?
A Brief History of Marriage
Marriage has been an accepted tradition for about 4,000 years.
Before that, most families probably consisted of small tribes,
most of whom died of old age by age 30.
The oldest evidence of ceremonies uniting men with women date from
about 2300 BC, in ancient Mesopotamia. By 2000 BC, the concept of committed
partnership seems to have spread to the Hebrews, Greeks and Romans. These early
marriages may have had little to do with romantic love, monogamy or religion.
Through marriage, women became men's property.
In ancient Greece, a father would give his daughter to a man,
saying: “I pledge my daughter for the purpose of producing legitimate
children”. Men could have as many wives as they could afford. Married
Greek and Roman men were free to visit concubines and prostitutes, although
their wives were required to stay home. Wives who did not produce children
might be returned to their parents.
To husband means to conserve and manage resources.
Wife is an old Saxon word for woman
As the Catholic church gained authority, a priest's blessing became
mandatory. By the 8th century, the church used marriage as a ceremony
to confer heavenly grace while consolidating earthy power. Only in
1563, at the Council of Trent, did marriage become a Christian
Marriage became a Christian duty less than 500 years ago.
New concepts about marriage arose in industrial countries
in the 1800's. Longer life-spans, urban living and ideals of equality
allowed young couples to experience a period of marriage without
The industrial revolution indirectly encouraged
shocking new criteria for young people:
romance, companionship and compatibility became as
important as duty.
The world continues to change. In the West, especially since
the 1960's, many people experiment with alternative relationships
and lifestyles, some of which were once forbidden by law.
In more conservative cultures, in villages and agricultural regions, older norms
will likely remain longer. Many conservative people believe
that change brings bad luck.
Marriage & Society
Each member of a society has duties and obligations.
The leaders of many societies control their members in part by
controlling their sexual expressions. Such control is usually
enforced by both religious and secular authorities.
Have you ever been loved by a partner, for yourself
alone - not for what you have or for what you represent? Have you ever given such love? Can such love be enforced?
Government enforced partnership has some advantages. Marital laws:
- provide most people with sexual partners
- help minimize conflict within communities
- isolate both partners from sexual competition
- help ensure that children are a man's biological heirs
Committed marriage partners have
predictable challenges; not only will they have
may suffer from entanglements,
emotional incest and
Such enmeshments do not only disturb people who seek partners ... they may also
cause entanglements with people who claim to help them (see
Marriage Problems, Marital Counseling & Couple Coaching
We often help partners resolve conflicts and manage negative emotions. We coach
couples to accept each
other as they are. During our couple counseling, we encourage both
partners to understand each other;
while making space for change.
We help couples find ways to accept and benefit from their
differences. We coach people to create and enjoy better relationships.
I married an organization man
and disappeared into a suburban house, rarely to be seen
... but I refuse to remain among those living dead!
It is common sense that acceptance and gratitude are needed in a
partnership. But demands for change can be barriers to change. Yet most
therapists are trained to try to change people. Couples who receive
behavioral couples therapy are known to have about 50% success in
marital counseling ... and many marriages become worse.
Sometimes, you need a partner
who can see the light of your possibilities
and tell you "You can ... I believe you can" and
you will move mountains. Poland
We encourage partners to understand, accept and show gratitude
to each other ... which is a simple platform for most healthy
relationships. Understanding, acceptance and gratitude
are a good basis for expressing love.
Understanding, acceptance and gratitude increases the likelihood
of deeper and longer-lasting change than any change-focused behavioral therapy.
We offer people tools to improve partnership and avoid divorce.
Seek the Experienced - not the Studious (Arabic Proverb)
Our training programs are very practical, with dozens of
demonstrations, practical exercises and case studies to explore
real relationship dynamics. Our students gain experience in coaching
rather than gaining more experience in reading.
We thought that we would
divorce. We couldn't see another alternative ... we came to you anyway
following a friend's advice. We found that some of our worst conflicts were
that we tried to fulfill our parent's goals FOR us ... not our own goals. We
found that we were lost in what you called transferences ... we reacted
to each other as if we were different people. We also found that our values were
aligned ... and we found that we both really loved each other but didn't
know how to show it. We're staying together! London
We have massive experience helping couples solve problems and become closer - we coach partners
to coach each other. When both partners are involved in long-term family and
other projects (most commonly raising children to independence), and both partners
are involved supporting both their own and each other's personal development, as
steps toward mutual goals, miracles
Partnership . Partnership Agreements .
We help people manage negative emotions and
manage relationship problems.
We coach people to enliven their partnership; manage emotional problems,
and enjoy better relationships.
Online Help, Relationship Counseling & Soulwork Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
2005-2016 All rights reserved.