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Partnership & Marriage Coaching
Resolve Conflicts Quickly Martyn Carruthers

Online Help, Relationship Counseling & Soulwork Therapy


Do you want coaching or training on preparing for partnership,
ending marriage problems and mature partnership?

A Brief History of Marriage

Marriage has been an accepted tradition for about 4,000 years. Before that, most families probably consisted of small tribes, most of whom died of old age by age 30.

The oldest evidence of ceremonies uniting men with women date from about 2300 BC, in ancient Mesopotamia. By 2000 BC, the concept of committed partnership seems to have spread to the Hebrews, Greeks and Romans. These early marriages may have had little to do with romantic love, monogamy or religion.

Through marriage, women became men's property.

In ancient Greece, a father would give his daughter to a man, saying: I pledge my daughter for the purpose of producing legitimate children. Men could have as many wives as they could afford. Married Greek and Roman men were free to visit concubines and prostitutes, although their wives were required to stay home. Wives who did not produce children might be returned to their parents.

To husband means to conserve and manage resources.
Wife is an old Saxon word for woman

As the Catholic church gained authority, a priest's blessing became mandatory. By the 8th century, the church used marriage as a ceremony to confer heavenly grace while consolidating earthy power. Only in 1563, at the Council of Trent, did marriage become a Christian sacrament.

Marriage became a Christian duty less than 500 years ago.

New concepts about marriage arose in industrial countries in the 1800's. Longer life-spans, urban living and ideals of equality allowed young couples to experience a period of marriage without young children.

The industrial revolution indirectly encouraged shocking new criteria for young people: romance, companionship and compatibility became as important as duty.

The world continues to change. In the West, especially since the 1960's, many people experiment with alternative relationships and lifestyles, some of which were once forbidden by law.

In more conservative cultures, in villages and agricultural regions, older norms will likely remain longer. Many conservative people believe that change brings bad luck.

Marriage & Society

Each member of a society has duties and obligations. The leaders of many societies control their members in part by controlling their sexual expressions. Such control is usually enforced by both religious and secular authorities.

Have you ever been loved by a partner, for yourself alone - not for what you have or for what you represent? Have you ever given such love? Can such love be enforced?

Government enforced partnership has some advantages. Marital laws:

  1. provide most people with sexual partners
  2. help minimize conflict within communities
  3. isolate both partners from sexual competition
  4. help ensure that children are a man's biological heirs

Committed marriage partners have predictable challenges; not only will they have conflicts, they may suffer from entanglements, emotional incest and codependence.

Such enmeshments do not only disturb people who seek partners ... they may also cause entanglements with people who claim to help them (see therapist damage).

Marriage Problems, Marital Counseling & Couple Coaching

We often help partners resolve conflicts and manage negative emotions. We coach couples to accept each other as they are. During our couple counseling, we encourage both partners to understand each other; while making space for change.

We help couples find ways to accept and benefit from their differences. We coach people to create and enjoy better relationships.

I married an organization man and disappeared into a suburban house, rarely to be seen
... but I refuse to remain among those living dead!
New Zealand

It is common sense that acceptance and gratitude are needed in a partnership. But demands for change can be barriers to change. Yet most therapists are trained to try to change people. Couples who receive behavioral couples therapy are known to have about 50% success in marital counseling ... and many marriages become worse.

Sometimes, you need a partner who can see the light of your possibilities
and tell you "You can ... I believe you can" and you will move mountains.

We encourage partners to understand, accept and show gratitude to each other ... which is a simple platform for most healthy relationships. Understanding, acceptance and gratitude are a good basis for expressing love.

Understanding, acceptance and gratitude increases the likelihood of deeper and longer-lasting change than any change-focused behavioral therapy. We offer people tools to improve partnership and avoid divorce.

Seek the Experienced - not the Studious (Arabic Proverb)

Our training programs are very practical, with dozens of demonstrations, practical exercises and case studies to explore real relationship dynamics. Our students gain experience in coaching rather than gaining more experience in reading.

We thought that we would divorce. We couldn't see another alternative ... we came to you anyway following a friend's advice. We found that some of our worst conflicts were that we tried to fulfill our parent's goals FOR us ... not our own goals. We found that we were lost in what you called transferences ... we reacted to each other as if we were different people. We also found that our values were aligned ... and we found that we both really loved each other but didn't know how to show it. We're staying together! London

We have massive experience helping couples solve problems and become closer - we coach partners to coach each other. When both partners are involved in long-term family and other projects (most commonly raising children to independence), and both partners are involved supporting both their own and each other's personal development, as steps toward mutual goals, miracles become common.

Evaluating Partnership . Partnership Agreements . Dating

We help people manage negative emotions and manage relationship problems.
We coach people to enliven their partnership; manage emotional problems,
and enjoy better relationships.

Online Help, Relationship Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2005-2016 All rights reserved.

If you find our work useful, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

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Solve Emotional & Relationship Issues

Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you want? Know your life goals and how you sabotage yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Develop your inner resources with Dreamwork
Do emotions block you? Resolve relationship problems and mentor damage
Do beliefs limit you? Change your limiting beliefs and end dependence
Can you feel connected? Resolve identity loss to recover your lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents can better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and top teams can develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling, therapy & training

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2016 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was developed by Martyn Carruthers
to help people solve emotional and relationship problems, and to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work.