Marital problems increase as women choose to be complete human beings.
Is your marriage big enough for two complete people?
couples develop their partnership skills,
and resolve relationship conflicts.
Do you think that marriage will make you happy?
Marriage will only make you married.
The rest is up to you.
To husband means to conserve and protect resources.
Wife is an old Saxon word for woman.
Real partners have real partnership problems.
Again and again I find that if partners are not solving partnership
problems - they are probably having a relationship of convenience,
a romantic affair or ... someone is hiding something.
My boyfriend said, "Why marry
a cow when you can get the milk for free?"
I asked him, "Why marry a whole pig for one sausage?"
A marriage is two people with different skills, values, histories and
expectations. Do you dream of an easy relationship? Building a healthy
partnership may challenge any childish ideas that partnership is easy.
Partnership includes communicating wishes, demands, complaints and
compliments. Healthy partners can listen effectively - and healthy partners can
strive to understand all this information. Unhealthy partners may try to ignore
- Do you want to make quality decisions based
- Do you want to know how happy relationships
- Do you make important decisions based on fairytales and myths?
- Do you imagine that life would be easier if you
could find a soul mate?
Coaching Partnership Skills
Our coaching, whether individual, premarital or
couple counseling, helps people know who they are, their own needs and
their own reasons for committing to partnership. Then we can help
people know nearly as much about their partners.
Two people, under the influence of the
most violent, insane, delusive and transient of passions,
are required to swear that they will remain in that excited,
condition continuously until death do them part.
George Bernard Shaw
We encourage partners to define and communicate
their needs, compare their values, share their interests and discuss their intentions. We help people
build partnerships in which they can express themselves, take
responsibility for themselves and their needs, and increase intimacy
through mature support and by resolving conflicts.
We can help you define and express your values,
hopes, aspirations and needs. We encourage you to think, feel and
choose. We can focus on your commitment, equality (people can only
be intimate if they are equal) sharing, support, affection and
sharing feelings, pleasure, fun, respect and skills.
We cannot define these issues for you. We often coach partners
to tell each other what they mean by commitment, equality, support
and respect etc. We can encourage you to explore your attitudes, expectations
Whether you marry, or not,
you will regret it. Socrates (Ancient Greece)
couples communicate, express
feelings, negotiate change and make decisions. We coach couples
to adjust to each other and achieve the friendship,
companionship and loyalty that form a basis for lasting partnerships.
We coach people to excel at being partners, ideally before they
We can help you accept and change your life
- from your family of origin, through school and employment, through
partnership and parenthood. We can coach you to choose and live with
a healthy partner, decide when to start a family, manage conflicts and negative
to raise children to independence.
Are you really prepared for real children? To parent babies and adolescent
At each step you will need to change gears. A happy
marriage is not luck, a happy marriage is about quality communication, honesty
and handing conflicts.
Coaching Conflict & Partnership Crisis
Do you attack your partner's personality or behavior? Do you
say things like, "You never do anything right." Criticism can
easily escalate into blaming and excuses. See
My husband is immature. He denies
it and accuses me of acting like his mother ...
I do mother him when he acts childish and
but it's his own fault. Australia
Strategy: Describe how you feel about specific situations.
For example, "I feel angry when you come home so late. What ideas do you have that may
help me control my anger?"
Do you say things like "You are foolish; or ignorant?" Sarcasm, name-calling, and mockery are examples.
(Contempt only differs from criticism in that you want to insult someone.)
My wife has her own business but she makes
Whenever I tell her how things must be done, she gets angry and
I asked her to contact you, but she's too stubborn and
Strategy: Stop blaming; use "I feel ... when ..."
statements. Make direct,
specific requests - don't use insults or sarcasm. Find out what's going on -
Do you deny responsibility? Do you upset your partner - and then make
perhaps saying, "It
wasn't my fault" or "I was only joking"? Excuses
often communicate that you don't trust your partner enough to tell your truth.
My husband accused me of depressing his
life. He even blamed
things that happened before we met. I didn't stop him going
and I didn't make him join the army.
But he stopped
blaming me after a few sessions with you. Miami
Strategy: Acknowledge and validate your partner's qualities.
List what attracted
you to your partner. Who has changed?
4. Dissociation & Withdrawal
When a discussion becomes emotional or intense, one of you may
stop participating. Although shutting down may seem protective, it can signal
disapproval or superiority.
When I came home from work my wife just
didn't stop talking. I love her, but I could only listen for a few minutes, and
then I sort of floated away. Then she was angry that I wasn't paying attention.
Since your couple coaching, she says less and I listen better and we mostly talk
about things that we both find interesting. Calgary, Canada
Strategy: Take time to cool down if a discussion becomes unpleasantly
emotional. Explain that you need to calm down.
Avoid losing trust and respect! Leave the room, walk, write or exercise. Then,
when you are calm, talk about your
Relationship Coaching & Religious Education
Religious dogma often emphasizes the sacredness of
marriage, imposing moral values and burdens of guilt. Religious education and
our relationship coaching have different goals. We focus on practical steps to
build harmony, resolve conflicts and improve the skills needed for lasting
Do you want to enliven your
partnership or renew your marriage;
manage your emotions and solve relationship problems?
Online Life Coaching, Counseling & Coach Training
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright ©
Martyn Carruthers 2005-2018
All rights reserved.