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Interview with Martyn
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From Self Sabotage to Motivation
Stop Sabotaging Yourself © Martyn Carruthers

Online Life Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Training

Do you manage your motivation?
Do you diminish or defeat your own goals?
Do you sabotage your own health, wealth or happiness?

I enjoy working with motivated people. Lasting motivation requires
that you deal with any emotional baggage, expose your potential
and remember your goals and dreams.

Years ago, I taught motivational and stress workshops. I had good feedback and repeat invitations ... and yet I stopped. I found that the states of heightened motivation and decreased stress after a workshop lasted for a few days. I compared notes with other trainers - and found that a week of heightened motivation was a success story!

Many people avoid crazy, illegal or dangerous behaviors by procrastination
and low motivation ... sometimes unmotivated is better than impulsive!
Your ability to manage motivation reflects your maturity.

What was the point of wiring people up for few days - only to see them come back down to earth with a bump or a crash? Some people seemed worse off than before. So I stopped playing that game. I couldn't make myself repeat rah-rah motivational mantras. The heck with "Fake it 'til you make it". I quit.

Every time you communicate, you expose your maturity.

A German therapist, Annegret Hallanzy, and I explored the incredible states of being that she called Visions and I called Soul. (See Soul of Soulwork and Psychobiology of Soul.) We explored how many people de-motivate themselves with beliefs that they cannot let themselves recognize.

How do People Sabotage Themselves?

Most self-sabotage is not conscious. You wasted your time, ignored your happiness and delayed your success, and later you can't imagine why. You were so close. Maybe you felt a sudden fatigue or need for distraction. Maybe you criticized yourself or perhaps you let other people diminish your dreams. You sabotaged yourself.

I built my business to success, but it became boring. I was watching it fall apart when my wife arranged sessions for me with you. During our sessions I realized that
I believed that I was most creative and motivated when I was poor.
You helped me change that.

Do other people damage your motivation? Are you bonded to authorities, such as parents, teachers, priests, partners or employers - who wanted you to live their way and who did not believe that you could be successful in your own way?

Do You Demotivate Yourself?

Is lack of motivation normal for you? You probably want to feel normal ... and you might sabotage your life to feel normal. Do you want to change?

If you prefer to sabotage yourself, you can:

  1. criticize yourself
  2. obsess about past errors
  3. avoid solving your problems
  4. stay in unpleasant relationships
  5. avoid coaching and mentorship
  6. avoid planning a worthwhile future
  7. not practice activities you want to improve
  8. hope that negative emotions will just go away
  9. believe that you are too stupid to enjoy a successful life
  10. consume things that you know will make you fat, slow or sick

Why do You Sabotage Yourself?

Do you have thoughts like: "I don't stick to my goals; I don't finish my work on time; I am miserable because I deserve it"? Although self-sabotage may seem to manifest as thoughts and actions, the underlying feelings and beliefs are usually based on old abusive bonds and other relationship problems.

I have built many businesses to a certain level of success, and then destroyed them.
I repeated this pattern all my adult life. During our sessions I realized that I could
never let myself be more successful than my mother.
Honolulu, Hawaii

Many people believe that self-sabotage is associated with low self-esteem, low self-worth, low self-love and low self-confidence, although we find such comments are often trivial and unhelpful justifications. We find that most self-sabotage reflects abusive relationships ... particularly during childhood.

Understanding why some people have little motivation is not a solution. We help people solve their emotional issues and change their relationship bonds.

I had years of therapy for depression and low motivation. I learned exactly why I was depressed
and low energy ... but I was still miserable and unmotivated. My sessions with you helped
me change how I saw myself ... now I can appreciate my crazy parents
... and live my own life as a happy, independent adult.
New Zealand

What really motivates people to sabotage their lives, their families and their work?

  1. Secondary gains - how do you benefit by failing?
  2. Identity Loss - are you present, conscious and awake?
  3. Identifications - are you repeating an ancestor's drama?
  4. Transference - with whom do you want to feel connected?
  5. DPI - Are you compensating for the death of a family member?
  6. Entanglements - is it OK for you to be happier than your parents?
  7. Complex conflicts - does part of you object to your own happiness?
  8. Abuse / Trauma - does some part of you act like an emotional child?
  9. Guilt - do you feel undeserving of success because you have hurt others?
  10. Relationship bonds - do you have irrational beliefs about yourself or your world?

Leaving these issues unresolved may cause you to repeat self-sabotage in more try-cycles. If things don't change - they stay the same! You can manage these issues or you can prepare for more failure.

When do you Sabotage Yourself?

Do you procrastinate about making or implementing plans? Do you daydream instead of working? Becoming conscious of when you sabotage yourself does not end that cycle. Notice where, with whom, how and how often you sabotage yourself. Then we help you CHANGE destructive habits.

People who stop growing up ... start growing old!

Dissolving self-sabotage is often a huge step towards getting what you want! Yet changing this may require you change your attitude and your sense of life. Dissolving self-defeating habits will likely bring you closer to your goals than any amount of complaining, blaming or justifying your lack of success.

Motivation, Maturity and Inspiration

Are you sometimes too motivated?
We help people change obsessions and compulsions into ordinary temptations.

Compulsions are strong motivations. If you’re too motivated, and you want to change, we have something wonderful for you! Dissolving your self-defeating habits can bring you much closer to your goals than motivational programs.

Most self-sabotage reflects relationship problems.
Do you want to resolve emotional and relationship issues?

Online Systemic Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Training

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2009-2018
All rights reserved.

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email