Contact us for coaching or couple counseling, dissolving affairs,
family constellations and solving relationship problems
Do you want Affairs,
Are you searching for a partner? Creating a new adult partnership
is as stressful as partnership
breakdown, although the relationship stress is often hidden
by romantic feelings and intimate hopes.
We can help you evaluate your motivation and your objections.
We can help you create a plan to find, attract, evaluate appropriate partners.
Expect problems if you seek a partner to protect and support; as your
partnership might quickly become a substitute for a parenting an adult child.
Expect problems if you or your potential partner (or both) are still married or in
long-term relationships and one of you must separate
- especially if one of you has
Many negative emotions and relationship problems follow affairs,
abortion or adoption. If you want to
change these or other issues - see:
. Space for Love
Keep on keeping on - Getting Ready
This is not a quick fix. The good news and the bad news is that your life reflects
your beliefs, habits and values. If you want lasting
happiness, you may need to change not just your behavior or beliefs, but your
identity - the composite of who you are. These questions can help you check if
you have something to sort out first.
- Are you at peace with any
- Do you have a vision of "happy partnership"?
- Are you emotionally mature
- Do you want to change something about yourself
- Are you prepared for
predictable partnership challenges?
- Have you listed the important qualities you seek
in a partner?
- Are you emotionally entangled with a parent
Finding a Potential Partner
These questions can help you check if you know how to
find potential partners.
- Can you easily say "No"
to unsuitable people?
- Can you be honest with potentially
- Do you know where you can meet potential
- Do you take care to look and feel
good wherever you go?
- Can you start a conversation and ask
someone for a date?
- Can you discuss serious topics (maybe
not on the first date)?
- Do you have the courage to approach
prospects and begin conversation?
Acceptance & Gratitude in Partnership .
Partnership Breakdown .
Evaluating Suitable Potential Partners
These questions are to help you evaluate potential partners
and check if that person has something to sort out before
commencing partnership. We can help you.
- Does this person have clear parenthood goals?
- What is this person's vision of "happy
- Is this person emotionally mature and independent?
- Has this person clarified relationships with
- Is this person emotionally entangled with a
parent or past partner?
- Does this person want to do something before committing
- Does this person seek a partner to fill
unmet needs (e.g. money or protection).
appreciation and gratitude to each other
||One or both are
often dissociated, irritated, depressed or critical
|Partners respond to most
verbal and nonverbal communications
||One or both
ignore, avoid or shorten most communications
events in their history
||They rarely review their
|Partners greet after time
apart and ask about each other's activities and other news
||They rarely interact when
together, without even silent intimacy
|Partners enjoy meeting
each other's needs for passion, intimacy and commitment
||One or both often ignore or
even criticize the other's goals and needs
|Partners discuss goals
and dreams, finding shared values and creating shared meanings.
||They rarely discuss
goals, values or
meals and housework together
||One person often
cooks or cleans alone
|Partners often go out
prefer to go out alone
|Partners create projects
which require committed cooperation
||One or both often
avoid, ignore or give small attention to shared projects
|They wish to stay together
to enjoy sharing partnership and parenthood happiness
||One or both want to separate but
cannot because of guilt, fear or constraints
|They respect most of each
other's choices and decisions, and politely discuss differences
||One or both show contempt
for the other's decisions and angrily demand changes
|Partners want happiness
||One or both prefer
Making Mature Decisions
We find that if either of you make partnership decisions with
expectations (based on your previous experiences), you will
probably fulfill those expectations. Can you both participate with the intention
to learn how to create mature happiness together?
The following questions can help you and your potential partner check
if you should sort something out before committing to a long-term partnership.
Although both your values and plans will likely change ... many times
... lasting happiness is possible.
- Do you feel ready to walk through life with another
person at your side?
- Do you both want to commit to caring for communication
and building trust?
- Can you plan your partnership together ... a
double vision of your life together?
- Can you both arrange and accept partnership skills
education when you need it?
- Are you clear about the qualities, skills and deficiencies you each
bring to a new partnership?
- Are you clear about each other's expectations about work, money and children?
- Please add your experience to this list ...
Coaching for Maturity
|Since our sessions, my partnership
is better than I hoped was possible. This was neither easy nor effortless.
It took two full ongoing commitments.
Contact us to sort out negative emotions and relationship problems.
Online Systemic Relationship Counseling & Soulwork Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
2003-2017 All rights reserved.