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Creating a New Partnership
A Mature New Start Martyn Carruthers

Online Relationship Coaching & Counseling

Contact us for coaching or couple counseling, dissolving affairs,
family constellations and solving relationship problems

Do you want Affairs, Codependence or Partnership?

Are you searching for a partner? Creating a new adult partnership is as stressful as partnership breakdown, although the relationship stress is often hidden by romantic feelings and intimate hopes.

We can help you evaluate your motivation and your objections. We can help you create a plan to find, attract, evaluate appropriate partners. Expect problems if you seek a partner to protect and support; as your partnership might quickly become a substitute for a parenting an adult child.

Expect problems if you or your potential partner (or both) are still married or in long-term relationships and one of you must separate or divorce - especially if one of you has children.

Many negative emotions and relationship problems follow affairs, abortion or adoption. If you want to change these or other issues - see: Enjoying Partnership . Evaluating Partnership . Space for Love

Keep on keeping on - Getting Ready

This is not a quick fix. The good news and the bad news is that your life reflects your beliefs, habits and values. If you want lasting happiness, you may need to change not just your behavior or beliefs, but your identity - the composite of who you are. These questions can help you check if you have something to sort out first.

  1. Are you at peace with any past partners?
  2. Do you have a vision of "happy partnership"?
  3. Are you emotionally mature and independent?
  4. Do you want to change something about yourself first?
  5. Are you prepared for predictable partnership challenges?
  6. Have you listed the important qualities you seek in a partner?
  7. Are you emotionally entangled with a parent (emotional incest)?

Finding a Potential Partner

These questions can help you check if you know how to find potential partners.

  1. Can you easily say "No" to unsuitable people?
  2. Can you be honest with potentially difficult topics?
  3. Do you know where you can meet potential partners?
  4. Do you take care to look and feel good wherever you go?
  5. Can you start a conversation and ask someone for a date?
  6. Can you discuss serious topics (maybe not on the first date)?
  7. Do you have the courage to approach prospects and begin conversation?

Acceptance & Gratitude in Partnership . Partnership Breakdown . Past Partners

Evaluating Suitable Potential Partners

These questions are to help you evaluate potential partners and check if that person has something to sort out before commencing partnership. We can help you.

  1. Does this person have clear parenthood goals?
  2. What is this person's vision of "happy partnership"?
  3. Is this person emotionally mature and independent?
  4. Has this person clarified relationships with past partners?
  5. Is this person emotionally entangled with a parent or past partner?
  6. Does this person want to do something before committing to partnership?
  7. Does this person seek a partner to fill unmet needs (e.g. money or protection).


Healthy Partnership Relationship in Crisis
Partners show appreciation and gratitude to each other One or both are often dissociated, irritated, depressed or critical
Partners respond to most verbal and nonverbal communications One or both ignore, avoid or shorten most communications
Partners review events in their history They rarely review their relationship history
Partners greet after time apart and ask about each other's activities and other news They rarely interact when together, without even silent intimacy
Partners enjoy meeting each other's needs for passion, intimacy and commitment One or both often ignore or even criticize the other's goals and needs
Partners discuss goals and dreams, finding shared values and creating shared meanings. They rarely discuss goals, values or dreams
Partners share meals and housework together One person often cooks or cleans alone
Partners often go out together They generally prefer to go out alone
Partners create projects which require committed cooperation One or both often avoid, ignore or give small attention to shared projects
They wish to stay together to enjoy sharing partnership and parenthood happiness One or both want to separate but cannot because of guilt, fear or constraints
They respect most of each other's choices and decisions, and politely discuss differences One or both show contempt for the other's decisions and angrily demand changes
Partners want happiness together One or both prefer happiness alone


Making Mature Decisions

We find that if either of you make partnership decisions with expectations (based on your previous experiences), you will probably fulfill those expectations. Can you both participate with the intention to learn how to create mature happiness together?

The following questions can help you and your potential partner check if you should sort something out before committing to a long-term partnership. Although both your values and plans will likely change ... many times ... lasting happiness is possible.

  1. Do you feel ready to walk through life with another person at your side?
  2. Do you both want to commit to caring for communication and building trust?
  3. Can you plan your partnership together ... a double vision of your life together?
  4. Can you both arrange and accept partnership skills education when you need it?
  5. Are you clear about the qualities, skills and deficiencies you each bring to a new  partnership?
  6. Are you clear about each other's expectations about work, money and children?
  7. Please add your experience to this list ...

Online Coaching for Maturity

Since our sessions, my partnership is better than I hoped was possible. This was neither easy nor effortless. It took two full ongoing commitments.

Contact us to sort out negative emotions and relationship problems.

Online Systemic Relationship Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2003-2018
All rights reserved.

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email