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Goalwork & Well-Formed Outcomes

Systemic Coaching ... Systemic Coach Training

We present interactive seminars and demonstration-rich workshops on systemic coaching, relationship happiness, resolving family chaos and relationship bonds. Would you like a workshop in your area?

Desire as a Path to Integrity

You can use “desires” as a path to discover and connect to your deepest self! This can be a basis for living a meaningful life. Consider your answers to:

  • What makes sense in your life?
  • Why are you here?
  • What is your life purpose?

These questions may sound ridiculous - or they may seem worthy of introspection. Your answers may not seem to relate to your normal, everyday life. Yet your life consists of normal everyday days. Here is a normal everyday question: What do you want?

[ Meaning of Life & Coaching ]

Well Formed Goals

Do you avoid beginning sentences with “I want...”. Do you say things like “It’s important that...”, “It would be nice if...” or “People need...”.

Such answers may reflect what you want, but you may make internal comments like “It’s not good to say what you want”, “If you say what you want you will offend somebody” or “What’s the point – I can’t get it anyway”.

Verbalize your wishes – start sentences beginning with “I want...” – and your world will change. Well formed goals provide direction and motivation.

Your answers to goal questions may require information that you can only fain unconsciously. You may go into trance as you consider your goals. Hence we sometimes call this Goal Hypnosis.

Evidence of success?

You may want a bigger house, more happiness, less suffering. Maybe you may want a romantic holiday in Hawaii or to get rid of your old car. Your answers may seem to only reflect your current needs.

Yet, if pursued, your answers will lead to profound questions of purpose and meaning. And if your goal reflects your life’s purpose, if your goal has deep meaning for you, achieving it will be fulfilling.

What do you want now?

Do you know exactly what you don’t want? Maybe you don’t want to be unhappy. This thought will accompany images of unhappiness. Ask instead “What do you want instead of being unhappy?” Perhaps you want more something? Maybe you want more money. This thought will accompany images of not having money.

How will you know if you have more money?” If you continually state negative goals or comparisons - you may be excluding an important part of yourself from your decision process. Include this part by focusing on what you do want.

What do you want next?

Do you normally make “multiple” wishes? Do you want money and freedom? Do you want a university degree so that you can find self-respect? Do you want someone to do something for you? Double-wishes usually indicate internal conflict.

Can you put your wishes into a sequence? Would having money lead to freedom - or would having freedom be a step towards money? Can you let go of a cause-effect? How else can you find self-respect? Can you take responsibility? What benefit will you have if that someone does that something for you?

Sometimes multiple wishes may be mutually exclusive. For example, “I want a monogamous relationship AND I want many affairs”. “I want to put all my effort into building a business AND I want to travel around the world for a long holiday”.

In this case, find the advantages of achieving both goals – even if their simultaneous fulfillment is impossible! What would become possible for you if you were to have already achieved both those goals? This question may help you find a more profound goal. (See Double Wishes)

What EXACTLY do you want?

Maybe you want happiness, or love, or health. Abstract goals are unlikely to support your success. Do you know how you want to achieve your goal? How do you want to have happiness Do you know how you will know if you achieve your wish? What would convince you that you have love And do you know your real goal? For what purpose do you want health?

When do you want this?

Do you have goals without deadlines? Do you want to feel wonderful - sometime? Do you want a high quality relationship - before you die? Even if you know exactly what you want - if you do not choose a time frame, your chance for success may lessen. Exactly when do you want your success?

Achieving what goal would convince you that you are living your life purpose?

Systemic Coaching ... Systemic Coach Training

Do you want relationship coaching or systemic coach training? We can train you to coach individuals, couples and teams to resolve complex relationship challenges.

Workshops Systemic Coach Training
Soulwork 1 How to understand relationship systems & deal with guilt
Soulwork 2 How to define goals, resolve objections & plan for success
Soulwork 3 How to end self-criticism & inner conflict to recover integrity
Soulwork 4 How to recover identity loss; missing qualities, expertise and skills
Soulwork 5 How to dissolve relationship bonds for healthy relationships
Soulwork 6 How to dissolve emotional trauma and rebuild motivation
Soulwork 7 How to  end mentor damage & find inspirational mentorship
Soulwork 8 Coach couples and partners simultaneously
Soulwork 9 Coach teams and team leaders simultaneously
Soulwork 10 Coach whole families simultaneously

Copyright © Martyn Carruthers, 1996, 2006 All rights reserved


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Systemic Coaching ... Systemic Coach Training ... Your Next Step

  • For more information about Systemic Solutions email: Systemic Solutions for Relationship Management and Strategic Planning

  • Click here for: Home-Study Program in Systemic Coaching

  • Click here for: Individual, couple & family Systemic Coaching

  • All material on this website is copyright © 2001-2006 by Martyn Carruthers. All rights reserved. Commercial use is prohibited. Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium is permitted with the express written permission of Martyn Carruthers. This material may be freely linked to by other electronic text. For more information, contact Jan Sikorski at +48 (22) 733 0357