Can you imagine solving relationship problems and negative emotions?
Reclaim your freedom by untangling
emotions and relationships.
Do you dream of partnership?
Some of your most important decisions are about your life partners.
Do you just follow your feelings - or do you compare your
personalities, your values and your life goals?
If you only follow feelings, you may suffer relationship problems
again and again. And if you stay in unpleasant relationships,
you may endure affairs, conflicts and abuse.
Chance meetings or fateful encounters are common in
fiction, yet they are poor ways to meet compatible partners.
Do you make life decisions based on fleeting emotions? Many people
give great initial impressions, yet offer little as life partners.
They may be attractive, and you feel good with them, at
least in the beginning. But if their values are different from yours, if
their goals are incompatible with yours, and if their expectations are
different from yours - you can easily predict problems. But how can you check
all this ... quickly?
Some people try to force better relationships after
reading self-help books. Self-help strategies often look good in
books ... if the readers really want committed partnership, if they
have no emotional problems and if they can follow the strategies
properly. Poorly applied self-help strategies may worsen
existing relationships and alienate people.
. Enjoying Partnership
Do you want emotional satisfaction, financial security,
happy children and social acceptance? Why not evaluate your
values and beliefs ... and then select more appropriate
Are you fed up with relationship problems? A common problem
is not so much who you attract - as who you are attracted to. And
if your parents were not very healthy - then you might feel attracted
to unhealthy people.
So many people waste their lives on prolonged unhappiness
and marital conflict, followed by separation and divorce. Poor
partner selection can influence your whole life, and the consequences
can hurt your children. Your children will carry the consequences
of your decisions.
In a partnership, neither person need be wrong, it is more likely
that a couple lack partnership skills and cannot manage emotional
entanglements and transferences, or deal with their own deep beliefs
and relationship histories. Immature love can hurt adults and children.
You can avoid poor quality partnership without sacrificing
love or affection. Do you want a partner who will support your dreams? Why
not make your dreams very, very clear? Then, if the feedback is not
as you want, you waste little time and cause no harm. You can move on.
We coach people to untangle old bonds
and take responsibility ... but we cannot reach out to immature adults or
unmotivated people! Rather than nagging a potential partner to change ...
consider expanding your own sense of life ... your lasting happiness will
be hard to ignore!
The world is full of eligible potential partners with whom
you could enjoy a wonderful partnership. You only need one who
is right for you. Perhaps we can help you prepare.
. Compatibility .
Finding an Appropriate Partner
Healthy people say what they want ... and what they don't want.
They do not demand that one person fill all their relationship
needs (this leads to symbiosis and codependence). They want partners
- not a parent, nurse, sibling, friend or employee.
Do you want a casual date, a fun weekend, a holiday
romance or a lifetime together? Do you want a partner who is immature or
mature; irresponsible or responsible; light or serious? Don't expect a
person to read your mind and act the roles you want!
Many people seek substitutes for parents
or past romances.
Please don't expect a
real person to be a substitute for somebody else!
Evaluating compatibility for committed
partnership will likely concern comparing beliefs, values and
how emotions are expressed and which relationship skills are
used. Questions worth exploring about a potential partner are:
- What interests, sports and hobbies?
- What willingness to develop personally?
- What willingness to improve relationship skills?
- What ethics, morals, sense of life, religious behavior?
- What educational background? What attitude to learning?
- What bonds to family? To opposite-sex parent? To
- How is self expressed? What interest in other people's
- What physical appearance, eating habits, fitness habits,
- What attitude to sex? What sexual skills? Is sex a pleasure or a
- What social personality? How does (s)he behave with
your family and friends?
Other Important Questions
Observe this person in different contexts. Observe this
person under stress. Observe this person with your family and friends. You
could regret a fast decision for the rest of your life so take all the time
you need before deciding to say, "Yes" or
There are many important questions ... there is so much
information you need. And yet new couples are often more concerned with hiding
themselves. They show their best clothes ... they use their favorite humor ...
they tell their best stories ... and they may avoid revealing themselves.
Some things that you need to know about potential partners are:
What are their work habits?
How do they show affection?
How do they manage money?
How do they manage conflicts?
Which of their ethics are flexible?
What are their attitudes to success?
|How do they ask for help?
What do they
demand from you?
How do they express their feelings?
Which of their ideas are fixed (or rigid)?
How do they communicate their desires?
What are their obsessions / compulsions?
What are the likely
consequences of ignoring these criteria?
We can help you solve emotional and relationship problems.
Online Relationship Coaching, Counseling & Training
Plagiarism is theft Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
2007-2016 All rights reserved