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Healthy Relationships: Choosing Life Partners
Solve Partnership Problems Martyn Carruthers

Online Life Coaching & Training

Can you imagine solving relationship problems and negative emotions?
Reclaim your freedom by untangling emotions and relationships.

Do you dream of partnership?

Some of your most important decisions are about your life partners. Do you just follow your feelings - or do you compare your personalities, your values and your life goals?

If you only follow feelings, you may suffer relationship problems again and again. And if you stay in unpleasant relationships, you may endure affairs, conflicts and abuse.

Chance meetings or fateful encounters are common in fiction, yet they are poor ways to meet compatible partners. Do you make life decisions based on fleeting emotions? Many people give great initial impressions, yet offer little as life partners.

They may be attractive, and you feel good with them, at least in the beginning. But if their values are different from yours, if their goals are incompatible with yours, and if their expectations are different from yours - you can easily predict problems. But how can you check all this ... quickly?

Some people try to force better relationships after reading self-help books. Self-help strategies often look good in books ... if the readers really want committed partnership, if they have no emotional problems and if they can follow the strategies properly. Poorly applied self-help strategies may worsen existing relationships and alienate people.

Predictable Partnership . Enjoying Partnership

Better Relationships

Do you want emotional satisfaction, financial security, happy children and social acceptance? Why not evaluate your values and beliefs ... and then select more appropriate potential partners?

Are you fed up with relationship problems? A common problem is not so much who you attract - as who you are attracted to. And if your parents were not very healthy - then you might feel attracted to unhealthy people.

So many people waste their lives on prolonged unhappiness and marital conflict, followed by separation and divorce. Poor partner selection can influence your whole life, and the consequences can hurt your children. Your children will carry the consequences of your decisions.

In a partnership, neither person need be wrong, it is more likely that a couple lack partnership skills and cannot manage emotional entanglements and transferences, or deal with their own deep beliefs and relationship histories. Immature love can hurt adults and children.

You can avoid poor quality partnership without sacrificing love or affection. Do you want a partner who will support your dreams? Why not make your dreams very, very clear? Then, if the feedback is not as you want, you waste little time and cause no harm. You can move on.

We coach people to untangle old bonds and take responsibility ... but we cannot reach out to immature adults or unmotivated people! Rather than nagging a potential partner to change ... consider expanding your own sense of life ... your lasting happiness will be hard to ignore!

The world is full of eligible potential partners with whom you could enjoy a wonderful partnership. You only need one who is right for you. Perhaps we can help you prepare.

Evaluate Partnership . Compatibility . Broken Heart

Finding an Appropriate Partner

Healthy people say what they want ... and what they don't want. They do not demand that one person fill all their relationship needs (this leads to symbiosis and codependence). They want partners - not a parent, nurse, sibling, friend or employee.

Do you want a casual date, a fun weekend, a holiday romance or a lifetime together? Do you want a partner who is immature or mature; irresponsible or responsible; light or serious? Don't expect a person to read your mind and act the roles you want!

Many people seek substitutes for parents or past romances.
Please don't expect a real person to be a substitute for somebody else!

Evaluating compatibility for committed partnership will likely concern comparing beliefs, values and how emotions are expressed and which relationship skills are used. Questions worth exploring about a potential partner are:

  1. What interests, sports and hobbies?
  2. What willingness to develop personally?
  3. What willingness to improve relationship skills?
  4. What ethics, morals, sense of life, religious behavior?
  5. What educational background? What attitude to learning?
  6. What bonds to family? To opposite-sex parent? To siblings?
  7. How is self expressed? What interest in other people's lives?
  8. What physical appearance, eating habits, fitness habits, hygiene?
  9. What attitude to sex? What sexual skills? Is sex a pleasure or a duty?
  10. What social personality? How does (s)he behave with your family and friends?

Other Important Questions

Observe this person in different contexts. Observe this person under stress. Observe this person with your family and friends. You could regret a fast decision for the rest of your life so take all the time you need before deciding to say, "Yes" or "Goodbye".

There are many important questions ... there is so much information you need. And yet new couples are often more concerned with hiding themselves. They show their best clothes ... they use their favorite humor ... they tell their best stories ... and they may avoid revealing themselves.

Some things that you need to know about potential partners are:

What are their work habits?

How do they show affection?

How do they manage money?

How do they manage conflicts?

Which of their ethics are flexible?

What are their attitudes to success?

How do they ask for help?

What do they demand from you?

How do they express their feelings?

Which of their ideas are fixed (or rigid)?

How do they communicate their desires?

What are their obsessions / compulsions?

What are the likely consequences of ignoring these criteria?

We can help you solve emotional and relationship problems.

Online Relationship Coaching, Counseling & Training

Plagiarism is theft Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2007-2016 All rights reserved

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Solve Emotional & Relationship Issues

Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you want? Know your life goals and how you sabotage yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Develop your inner resources with Dreamwork
Do emotions block you? Resolve relationship problems and mentor damage
Do beliefs limit you? Change your limiting beliefs and end dependence
Can you feel connected? Resolve identity loss to recover your lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents can better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and top teams can develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling, therapy & training

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2016 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was developed by Martyn Carruthers
to help people solve emotional and relationship problems, and to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work.