suffer from limiting beliefs and fixations that
encourage perfectionism or procrastination?
Or do you cherish your ignorance?
self-criticism to self-support.
"Good enough" doesn't mean "perfect".
End self-sabotage and move on with your life
We encourage excellence - but not perfection. We help people enjoy quality lives
- but not perfect lives. We support healthy relationships and quality
work - and we assist people
to change perfectionist obsessions and procrastination compulsions.
Perfectionism and procrastination increase stress and anxiety. Did your parents, teachers or
employers want you to be perfect? Did you respond by being
late? Here's a checklist ...
- Are you a workaholic?
- Do you want to control people?
- Do you believe that you are special?
- Does failure mean a lack of self-worth?
- Do you feel that anything that is less than perfect is bad?
- Do you feel that perfect work reflects a perfect you?
- Are you often late or lazy?
- Do you want to feel free?
- Do you believe that you are special?
- Does reliability mean low self-worth?
- Do you feel that anything done perfectly is suspect?
- Does being unreliable seem to reflect your "true
Are you an Imperfectionist?
Do you look for imperfections - seeking
things that you can criticize and complain about? Do you not only criticize
but condemn yourself?
Perfectionists are usually chronically stressed and self-critical. Are you entangled with
a perfectionist parent? If being criticized was normal
during your childhood - you may compulsively criticize yourself and others. If
controlled was normal, then you may endlessly try to control others.
Or did you rebel? Did you refuse to conform to your parents' demands and
expectations? People who procrastinate are
often bonded to lazy parents, who abandoned them. If being late or lazy was normal
during your childhood - you may habitually be late or lazy to feel normal. If not finishing tasks was normal,
then you may endlessly delay completing tasks - to fulfill your expectations of
Both perfectionists and procrastinators may alienate their families, lose
their friends and hurt their partners. Do bad relationships feel normal?
Is it time to change?
If you want to change your habits, know what you want to achieve.
What does perfectionism or procrastination prevent you from doing?
Do you want to change your automatic
thinking? Most people with perfectionist or procrastination
tendencies seem to lecture themselves. For example:
- "I must show people what I can do."
- "I can prove I'm special by doing
- "If I don't do this perfectly; people
will know I'm a loser."
- "I dare not show people my best."
- "I can prove I'm special by always being late."
- "If I do this well, people
will expect more from me."
Do you use a lot of "should",
"have to", "must" and other self-defeating
talk? Perfectionist and procrastinating self-talk can generate enormous
stress. Changing such self-talk, and resolving the limiting
beliefs, relationship issues and emotions that generate it,
are important parts of our sessions.
We can help you respect, support and like yourself
instead of criticizing yourself.
Two useful affirmations for perfectionists
or procrastinators are,
“Be good enough - but not perfect” and
“Prefer progress to perfection”.
Your Emotions and Relationships
Which emotions drive you to be perfect or to be late? Fear
of punishment is common, or anxiety that you may lose something
important. Perhaps anger at some injustice? Maybe sadness at how
much time and effort you have already wasted? Perhaps guilt -
you did something wrong but never atoned for it?
Few people seem aware of who or what really influences
their behavior. Some people recognize the influence of authorities such
as parents, employers, government officials and religious leaders.
And some people are aware of the power of commercial marketing to
distort reality and create obsessions.
As family members were the most influential people in your early
life, we can coach you to explore which parental beliefs you have
accepted as rigid truths - and change the ones you don't want.
Perfectionism and Procrastination
Do you waste precious time perfecting details that other people will not notice - and if they do
notice, they will not care? Or, do you say that if you can't do it perfectly -
why do it at all? Do you oppose perfectionism by
forever putting things off?
Procrastination is not related to ability or intelligence - it reflects values and beliefs. If you
procrastinate, you may have difficulty setting goals
or achieving them.
Procrastination sometimes reflects unconscious
bonds to parents who didn't keep their promises, and sometimes
it reflects a fear of not being perfect. If you don't
finish your work - people won't notice that it is not perfect.
We hope you don't want to be a perfect client - and that
you will not procrastinate. Contact us when
you want to change.
Systemic Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
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Martyn Carruthers 2005-2017 All rights reserved.