Training & Coaching  for  Managers & Leaders   Case Histories
 

Provocation & Provocative Coaching

Relationship Coaching Manual p67 - 70

Are you entangled in difficult relationships or painful emotions? Do you suffer from old trauma? Do you suffer from your parents' drama, your partner's demands, your boss's moods? Soulwork Systemic Solutions can help you untangle your life ... and you can help other people reclaim their freedom.

Provocation in Soulwork Systemic Coaching

Systemic coaching includes a complete sequence for human development. It integrates systemic diagnosis, experiential mini-interventions reminiscent of Gestalt therapy, elements of Virginia Satir's questioning, Gregory Bateson's systemic theory, Robert Dilts' Sleight of Mouth, Frank Farrelly's Provocative Therapy and Victor Frankl's Logotherapy - to provide the best in solution-focused coaching.

Provocation is an integral part of systemic coaching. Properly used, it can motivate action, challenge beliefs and help people make difficult decisions. This page is to assist students of systemic coaching and systemic family therapy be artfully - and heartfully - provocative.

• Belief: accept that something is true or real, often with an emotional sense of certainty
• Provoke: to elicit a response; to motivate an emotion or behavior
• Reality: What is left when you stop believing in it
• Faith: Believing what you know is not real

Individual Coaching . Couple Coaching . Family Coaching

Provocation Described

Provocative coaching can quickly cut through victim games, such as:

• There is nothing I can do about it
• If I try to do something I will fail
• I am helpless, hopeless and powerless
• You don't understand how weak I am

Provocation, not sympathy, helps people find resources. Provocation can ...

• Motivate an action or reaction (Martyn Carruthers)
• Help people make decisions
• Awaken new perspectives (Jan Sikorski)
• Get too close to the truth (Carolyn Martin)

Guidelines for Provocation

1. Build TRUST first! (Provocation without trust starts fights!)
2. Start with agreement, compliments and mini-metaphors
3. Use a gentle voice tonality (unless you want a fight)
4. Soften provocation with “Maybe…”; “Perhaps…”, etc
5. Use the person’s values ("If X is really important, ...")
6. Give a person time to assimilate your provocation
7. Use a rising “question” tonality (“You really believe that?”)
8. Incorporate verbal and non-verbal objections
9. If a person age-regresses - talk as if to a wise child
10. Repeat important provocation in different ways
11. Offer provocative choices with multiple “Maybe”
12. Be prepared to support your provocation

Provocation Examples

1. Agreement You’re right! Exactly! Of course! So true! Good!
2. Compliment That may be a good summary of your situation.
3. Empathy If I were you I might believe that too.
4. Conditional Agreement Perhaps that’s true for you.
5. Neutral Maybe we can both learn something from this.
6. Reality Check Is that always true? Is there another way to look at it?
7. Exaggeration Maybe this problem has never before been solved!
8. Challenge Values Maybe it’s fine for you to stay this way.
9. Doubt I want to believe you ... but something is missing…
10. Mild disagreement That may not be totally true.
11. Counter Example Another client resolved that situation by…
12. Yes + No I completely agree (as you show a non-verbal “No”)
13. Yes, but I agree, but do you think that it’s really possible?
14. Metaphor Once upon a time there was an Ugly Duck …
15. Peaceful tact I agree that a person under stress might say that…
16. Total disagreement If that is true, I can go no further with you.
17. Mentor What would <a respected person> say about this?
18. Death What would you say about this on your deathbed?
19. Authority My trainer might tell you to…
20. Return to Goalwork That’s very interesting – and what do you want?

Meta-Model Challenges (from NLP)

• Universals All? Every? Never? Is there no other possibility?
• Beliefs According to whom? Who told you that?
• Mind Reading How you know what he/she/I thought?
• Cause-Effect I don’t understand. How can you make them happy?
• Necessities What would you do if you could change this situation?
• Time How long do you want to keep believing that?
• Definitions You interacted with her? What does interacted mean?

Provocation to challenge beliefs

1. Agreement: Provoke a person to mismatch their own belief
2. Counter-examples: Find examples that do not fit a belief
3. Redefine: Substitute a belief with similar meaning and different implications
4. Consequence: Mention some effects of keeping a belief
5. Intention: Find the purpose or intention of a belief (pleasant or unpleasant)
6. Decompose: Break a complex belief into pieces and evaluate each piece
7. Generalize: Mention a larger classification that changes the definition
8. Change Goal: Question relevancy and switch to an appropriate goal
9. Analogy: Find a relationship analogous to the belief, with different implications
10. Apply to Self: Evaluate a belief according to the defined relationship or criteria
11. Hierarchy: Evaluate a belief with more important values
12. Frame Size: Evaluate a belief for a different time frame, group size or perspective
13. Model of Reality: Evaluate a belief from a different model
14. Reality: Evaluate a belief allowing that we define beliefs with perceptions
15. Relationships: Evaluate a belief allowing that we define beliefs for relationships
16. Meta-frame: Evaluate a belief as one way of summarizing complex experience
17. Relevance: Evaluate whether a belief is relevant to a goal.

Provocation Examples for “I can’t change!”

1. Agreement: Great! Wonderful! Exactly! So true!
2. Counter-example: That’s what I said last week, but … I changed anyway.
3. Redefine: Does that only mean that you can’t change this belief?
4. Consequence: That is one way you can try to freeze reality.
5. Intention: Does that belief allow you to relax and not make any effort?
6. Decompose: Is it only you who can’t change? What does change mean to you?
7. Generalize: Life is change – whether you believe you can change or not.
8. Change Goal: That’s an interesting belief – and what do you want?
9. Analogy: You can change your mind – why not your beliefs about it?
10. Apply to Self: How could you see yourself so that change is easy?
11. Values: Is that the example you want to give to your children?
12. Frame Size: Maybe we all think that sometimes, even when it’s not true.
13. Model of Reality: Does that mean that you don’t have enough motivation?
14. Reality: If you are convinced that that is true – what is your evidence?
15. Relationships: Maybe your belief protects an important relationship…
16. Meta-frame: The world is complex and we need generalizations that serve us…
17. Relevance: That's interesting; but how does that support your happiness?

Soulwork provocation is about consequences - not about manipulation. Practice provocation carefully. If you practice on important people without their consent - you might not enjoy the consequences.

What good is a belief if it does not benefit your life? (Phineas Quimby, 1862)

Individual Coaching Couple Coaching Family Coaching

We offer effective coaching, coach training and mentorship. We train people to coach individuals, partners and teams to resolve emotional and relationship challenges.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2011 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers
to help people dissolve emotional blocks, improve relationships and achieve goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... ask for permission to post, publish or teach this work.