Soulwork Home Page

Check your spelling

Soulwork Online Help

Soulwork Humor: Funny stories


Soulwork Systemic Coaching: Summary

Soulwork Coach Training

Soulwork FAQ Questions & Answers


Emotional Issues
Anger & Rage

Eating Problems
Emotional Maturity
Grief & Loss
Inner Child

Pain Control
Stress Relief

Toxic Beliefs
Trauma & Stress
Weight Loss


Relationship Problems

Dissolve Conflicts
Emotional Blackmail

Enjoy Partnership
Evaluate Partners
Long-Distance Love
Love & Hate

Past Partners
Sexual Issues
Soul Mates


Family Challenges

Brothers & Sisters
Divorce & Children
Emotional Incest
Family Meetings
Family Secrets

Fathers & Daughters
Fathers & Sons
Learning Disorders
Mothers & Daughters
Mothers & Sons

Parental Alienation


Life Lessons
Bad Habits
Being Alone
Children's Challenges
Observing Feelings

Patterns in Love
Personal Growth
Quantum Leap
Self Esteem
Self Improvement
Self Intimacy
Stress & Relaxing
Therapist and Clients


Chaos Coaching

Inner Conflict
Expert Modeling
Learning Disorders

Sexual Abuse
Soul of Soulwork
Systemic Management
Therapist Abuse
Training Abuse



Interview with Martyn
Fee, Cost, Price

eXTReMe Tracker

Marriage, Divorce & Reconciling Partners
Don't Give Up Too Quickly Martyn Carruthers

Online Life Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

Are you or your partner enmeshed in difficult or painful emotions?
Do you suffer from your parents' drama, or from your partner's parents?
Do you want to untangle your lives ... as you reclaim your freedom ... together?

Contact us to resolve negative emotions and relationship problems.

Reconciliation that WORKS!

Is your marriage or partnership in trouble? Is it time for you to decide whether or not to continue an existing relationship - or whether or not to attempt reconciliation - or whether or not to separate?

Key ingredients of good partnership include understanding, love, acceptance, gratitude, responsibility and teamwork. Our individual help can help you manage negative emotions and prepare for happy partnership. Our couples coaching can help you and your partner manage relationship problems, while our family counseling can help you solve problems with your extended family.

Do you stay in a partnership out of despair or elation? Do you feel trapped? Do you pray for your partner to change? Do you consider or try sexual affairs? Do you hope to be rescued? Or do you want to change your relationship habits and build your partnership on integrity for lasting happiness?

Important relationships require your constant attention.

Couple Coaching Flowchart & Testimonial . Couple Communication Exercises

Good intentions may not survive predictable partnership challenges. We can coach you to evaluate, reconcile and change your relationships - and your relationship habits. We can help you and your partner express love, build commitment and share your partnership skills.

We can help you understand and validate each other's history, perspectives, beliefs and values, as a basis for a caring relationship which supports you both. We don't ask anybody to give up or give in! We can coach you to coach each other.

Put ELATION into RelationSHIPS

How do you show love to each other? Your relationship depends on how you both express love for each other. Insincere or withheld love may not survive the challenges of everyday reality. Does one of you not commit to partnership because of bad habits, relationship problems, confusion or emotions? Your feelings that you call love may not be enough - a good partnership needs partnership skills.

We were in love and we got married - and a year later we were talking about divorce. Fortunately we talked to you before going to a court. We learned about how we can give and receive love, instead of assuming that feeling good was enough. Italy

Can reconciliation solve your problems?

How long do you wait before you seek help? Do you wait until your suffering reaches PANIC? By then, it may be too late - you may alienate your partner. The earlier you request our online services - the more likely that we can help you.

Do you both want to solve relationship problems? Or do you create problems to motivate separation? If you or your partner is sabotaging your partnership, your situation may seem unsolvable and your separation inevitable. Do you both want intimacy and long-term reconciliation?

We can help you and your partner manage old arguments; financial problems, boredom and frustration. If both of you can commit to your partnership - we can help you make budgets, reverse boredom and change arguments into stimulating  conversations.

My (gay) partner and I have been together six years ... you helped us explore how to love each other while preparing for when his HIV positive state becomes AIDS.

If either one of you rejects possibilities for reconciliation, then separation or affairs may seem inevitable. Although we provide separation and divorce coaching - we prefer to  help couples love each other. We coach couples to transform their lives.

Your Partner is not Perfect

And neither are you! Many people become partners - and many people separate - are motivated by fantasies. What seemed perfect yesterday may be intolerable today ...

Reasons for Marriage and Divorce

These may seem funny ... and these are VERY realistic!

I loved him because he was so confident and assertive;
I left him because he was so domineering.

I liked her because she was so gentle and petite; 
I dumped her because she was weak and helpless.

I married him because he had a good income;
I divorced him because he was always working.

I married her because she was always so attractive;
I left her because she spent so much time in front of a mirror.

I married him because he was so romantic and sociable;
I divorced him because he was such a fun-loving playboy.

I married her because she was so quiet and dependent;
I divorced her because she was boring and clinging.

I loved him because he was so neat and organized;
We separated because he was compulsive and controlling.

I married her because she was so sociable and talkative;
I left her because she would never shut up.

I adored him because of his great sense of humor;
I left him because he kept laughing at me.

Do you imagine that somewhere a perfect person is waiting for you? Or, maybe your partner wants to make a change (e.g. new job, new house or traveling) that you feel excludes you? Did one of you have an affair? Most relationship crises are predictable - and preventable - and we can help you both survive them.

Predictable Partnership . Premarital Coaching . Age Difference

Do either of you confuse relationship goals with manipulation or emotional blackmail? Reconciliation requires careful evaluation to find out what happened, why it happened and how to effectively prevent similar issues in the future.

I married a perfect woman. She was clever, rich and gorgeous. But when her dad had money problems, we both had to work and we were soon fighting every day. Although we were ready to split, your reconciliation sessions helped us ... we don't have expensive cars and holidays now, but we are adult partners ... not adult children! Sussex

Do you want Reconciliation?

We can help you evaluate and improve your partnership - and reconcile relationships with family, ex-partners, friends and colleagues. We can help you resolve doubts and make realistic decisions about the shape of your lives together.

 Me and my husband were ready to end twelve years of marriage. We had given up. When a friend told us about you, we thought we were too far gone ... but you helped us change many of our worst habits. Although that was painful, now we can love each other as we rebuild our life together. Chester

If you do not solve partnership problems quickly - you may destroy a potentially-wonderful relationship. Your expressions of love can become bogged down in emotional incest, passive-aggression, depression, codependence - or worse.
Why wait for worse? Why wait at all?

Evaluating Partnership

Happy partners usually have similar core values - and they don't agree on every detail. We help couples manage emotions, communicate values, clarify relationships and make clear decisions. We help couples enjoy reconciliation, as they learn to appreciate each other and share their highest values.

You helped us discover that our values were compatible, and that we both wanted
the same type of relationship. Your couple coaching transcended our personal goals,
sexual attraction and habits - you reminded us that we can choose to be happy together.

We help partners understand each other and make clear decisions.
We can help you resolve negative emotions and relationship problems.
If you want reconciliation, we can help you rebuild healthy, happy partnership.

Contact us to resolve negative emotions and relationship problems.

Online Counseling for Reconciliation

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1998-2018
All rights reserved

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email