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Relationship Intelligence & Problem Solving
by Jan Sikorski

Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

Relationship intelligence involves understanding yourself and others,
managing unpleasant emotions and solving relationship problems.

Relationship Intelligence and Systems Coaching

We can help you understand your motivations, your behaviors and your impact on other people. We can also help you understand the behaviors and motivations of other people - and why they behave as they do with you. Then you can make better choices about solving your relationship problems.

As you gain skill at making relationship decisions and solving relationship issues, you increase your relationship intelligence. Two important applications of relationship intelligence are communicating your emotions and solving relationship problems.

Some other applications of relationship intelligence are the abilities to:

  1. Recognize identity loss
  2. Identify relationship strengths
  3. Identify the real reasons for conflict
  4. Identify behaviors that indicate conflict
  5. Set partnership, team and family goals
  6. Find long-term solutions for interpersonal conflict

Relationship Intelligence

Relationship intelligence is much more than being polite. Relationship intelligence requires observation and focus. Relationships are contact sports ... and sometimes contact sports include injuries.

Some relationships require mental stress, emotional upsets or physical diseases. Without these symptoms, balance would be lost and the relationships would dramatically change. If a conscious awareness of a need for problems would threaten important relationships, that awareness is hidden too - it becomes taboo.

To avoid such awareness, many people distract themselves from acknowledging their relationship constraints or deliberately avoid healthy relationships. Two common unconscious motivations (but not the only causes) may be to avoid being happier than a parent or to symbolically bring a rejected person back into the family.

Relationship Intelligence in Human Systems

Members of human systems have roles and purposes. As a system establishes balance (homeostasis), each member adapts themselves to their roles and purposes. As each member fulfills their individual roles and systemic purposes, their paths can blossom into happiness and satisfaction.

Conflicts are inevitable in human systems. It is unlikely that every member will enjoy their roles forever. Sooner or later, people will change their values, their beliefs and their goals. Leadership is required as emotions surface and behaviors change.

We help people:

  1. evaluate and clarify relationships and entanglements
  2. define goals, change objections and plan for success
  3. end self-criticism and inner conflict to recover integrity
  4. recover identity loss; missing qualities, expertise and skills
  5. manage relationship bonds for healthy relationships
  6. resolve emotional trauma and rebuild motivation
  7. end mentor damage and find inspirational mentorship
  8. coach couples and partners to solve their conflicts
  9. coach team leaders to coach their teams
  10. coach parents to coach whole families - together

Our training can be used as a basis for executive coaching, leadership coaching, educational coaching, business coaching, cross-cultural coaching, refugee coaching, sales coaching, therapeutic coaching or personal coaching.

Coaching Teenagers . Coaching Young Adults . Coaching Older Clients

Systems Counseling for Intelligent Partnership

Key ingredients of good partnership include understanding, love, acceptance, gratitude, responsibility and teamwork. Our individual coaching can help you solve individual issues and prepare for happy partnership. Systemic couple counseling can help you manage partnership problems, while systemic family coaching can help you solve problems with children, in-laws, and other family challenges.

Do you stay in a partnership out of despair and depression? Do you feel trapped? Do you pray for your partner to change? Do you consider or try sexual affairs? Do you hope to be rescued? Or do you want to change your relationship habits and build your partnership on integrity for lasting happiness?

Couple Coaching Flowchart & Testimonial . Couple Communication Exercises

Your good intentions may not survive your partnership challenges. We can coach you to evaluate and change your relationships - and your relationship habits. We can help you and your partner express your love, build your commitment and your partnership skills.

We can help you understand and validate each other's history, perspectives, beliefs and values, as a basis for a caring relationship which supports you both. We coach partners to coach each other.

Enjoying Partnership . Systemic Couple Coaching . Death of a Partnership

Do you want training to provide systemic coaching to others? The keys are intelligence, analytical skills and the ability to recognize patterns.

My entire family died in an accident.
I lived my life on their graves, guilty that I was alive.
You helped me respect and thank my family ... and move on.

Our trainings offer you relationship insights and skills for many applications.
Develop your relationship intelligence and your ability to fulfill relationship goals.

Contact us to manage negative emotions and solve relationship problems.

Online Systemic Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Training

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Jan Sikorski 2005-2018
All rights reserved.

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email