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Systemic Coaching & Relationship Management
Solve Relationship Problems Martyn Carruthers

Online Relationship Coaching & Counseling

We offer online coaching, counseling and training on managing emotions
and solving relationship problems.

Your Relationships are Under Attack

Are you besieged by conflicting, contradictory and useless relationship advice? Has mature mentorship been replaced by TV shows about codependent relationships? Poor relationship advice can seriously harm your family and your chances of long-term success and happiness.

Much advice is actually criticism. Good relationship management and systemic coaching can change relationship habits at home, at work; in your teams and in your community. Relationship management and systemic coaching can help you solve relationship problems, manage negative emotions and build healthy families.

Relationship Myths

There are many relationship myths, and some of them are toxic! I hope that your relationships will not suffer from crazy advice on how to improve your relationships!

  1. Healthy couples never fight
    Totally untrue. Real couples have real couple disputes. Couples who don't fight are usually on honeymoon, having an affair or are living together for other reasons than love. Discussing differences is an essential relationship skill. We often teach couples how to fight fair!
  2. Healthy couples share their feelings
    No. Many feelings are irrational and childish. How many men want to share their feelings? Few! "Not bad" is often as good as it gets! Know why you want to communicate your feelings. Sharing is wonderful and, if your partner reminds you of a difficult person in your past, you may dump your feelings from some past issue onto your partner.
  3. Never go to bed angry with each other
    This can cause you to feel angrier with each other as you attempt to resolve emotional conflicts when you are both tired. You are more likely to lose sleep and become even grumpier. Instead - go to bed and sleep on it - and re-visit the issue when you are both fresh. What was irresolvable late at night may seem rather petty over breakfast.

Important Questions

  1. Can we really improve relationships?
  2. How can we coach your relationships?
  3. Who provides relationship coaching?
  4. Is one relationship coach as good as another?
  5. How can good relationship coaching benefit you?
  6. Should you guess about your relationship problems?
  7. Is relationship coaching a wise investment?
  8. What problems can systemic coaching hange?

Relationship Coaching Answers

1. Can we really improve relationships?
Yes. Good coaching focuses on goals and results, rather than just talking about problems. Effective telephone coaching supports you to evaluate and change your everyday life. Your decisions and subsequent actions are needed for your success.

Your results depend on you. No tricks will automatically improve your relationships. A coach cannot solve your problems for you, or stop you feeling depressed about depressing situations. We can help you define your goals and find steps to fulfill them. Your happiness requires your participation!

2. How can we coach your relationships?
A good relationship counselor provides results. You can learn how to change your relationship behavior to build long-term happiness. While some conditions change with each relationship, people who use proven relationship skills can improve the quality and quantity of their relationships.

3. Who provides relationship coaching?
Many people offer relationship coaching, marital counseling, couple therapy etc. Your decisions about your relationship coaching may depend on:

  • How are your current relationships?
  • What are your relationship problems?
  • What is your relationship history?
  • How important is relationship happiness to you?
  • How are your finances?
  • Do you look at coaching as a luxury or as an investment?

4. Is one relationship coach as good as another?
No. The quality of relationship coaches vary. Check a coach's age, experience and proven results. Many young, single people call themselves "partnership coaches", without personal experience in commitment, parenthood or dedicated teamwork.

Find people who walk their talk - not those who mumble their stumble

5. How can good relationship coaching benefit you?
A good coach can help you diagnose and clarify your problems, clarify your goals, improve your skills, change your beliefs, resolve your conflicts, change your transferences, change your entanglements, encourage your decisions, ...

6. Should you guess about solving your relationship problems?
Poor coaching focuses only on symptoms. Good coaching can show you how to identify the underlying causes of your problems and how to manage or control them.

7. Is quality relationship coaching a wise investment?
Much relationship coaching appears to lack value, yet may be better than nothing. Many coaches over-use simple questions and avoid complex relationship issues. Much coaching is by young and single people who do not appreciate the difficulties of long-term relationships.

You can best benefit best from coaches and mentors who are not only trained but experienced in many forms of relationships - including at least family, team, couple, parenthood and community coaching.

8. What problems can systemic coaching hange?
Besides personality evaluation and relationship diagnosis, a good relationship coach or mentor can coach responsible, motivated people to sort out:

  1. Issues with past partners
  2. Issues about morals, ethics and integrity
  3. Codependence and emotional incest with relatives
  4. Relationship decisions; simple and complex conflicts
  5. Relationship diagnosis: planning and skill deficiencies
  6. Poor quality advice (from parents, friends, teachers, etc)
  7. Family and societal influences (limitations on happiness)
  8. Past and present relationships (confusion of relationship types)
  9. Emotional trauma (a common source of anger, sadness and fear)
  10. Family entanglements, transferences, projections and guilt issues etc

Systemic Relationship Coaching

We help people build and maintain happy relationships. Instead of just listening to your excuses, we can help you turn your life around. Do you want an experienced relationship coach to help you achieve your dreams?

  • Time-limited coaching for relationship issues
  • We can provide you with a helping hand - or a helping foot!
  • Relationship coaching and long-term mentorship for existential issues

Contact us about difficult situations such as birth, sickness, death and divorce

Contact us to manage negative emotions and to solve relationship problems.

Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers, 2003-2018
All rights reserved.

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email