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Does Your Life Make Sense?
Make up your Mind © Martyn Carruthers

Online Help, Couple Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

Contact us to solve relationship problems,
and resolve your anger, sadness, fear and guilt.

What are your most cherished dreams? A stable marriage, well paying work, healthy children, a nice house and the respect of your community?

Put these together and your greatest dream may be lasting happiness? Some sources of the ongoing pleasurable feelings of well-being generally called happiness are

  1. Acceptance – of your own strengths, weaknesses, vulnerabilities and finiteness
  2. Relationships – healthy relationships with family, friends and colleagues
  3. Respect - recognition by others of your qualities and skills
  4. Justice – being a responsible member of your society
  5. Success – defining, pursuing and accomplishing life goals
  6. Community – positive regard by members of your community
  7. Transcendence – service to humanity

Accomplish these and your life will make sense.

What is Sense of Life?

Victor Frankl
Man's Search for Meaning

Ultimately, man should not ask for the meaning of his life, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. Each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.

By Sense of Life I refer to whatever purpose and meaning you ascribe to your life.

For me, your sense of life represents and integration of your relationships, your identity and your values. It began with your first judgments about your world long before you could rationally judge your world. It is because of this that your Sense of Life can differ radically from your metaphysical view.

For me, Sense of Life is not just an evaluation - it is your integration or summary of countless evaluations. Over the course of your life, you integrate emotions and value-judgments about your relationships. Your Sense of Life is an emotional summary of who you are and what makes sense.

Role of Sense of Life

Your sense of life probably influences your focus; what you attend to and think about when your conscious mind doesn't evaluate. That means that it will be the deciding factor in an experience before your conscious mind kicks in, and the deciding factor in an experience where you don't apply your conscious mind.

Your sense of life is probably your basic driving force; giving you immediate motivation to act. If you have a positive sense of life, you will feel more inclined toward positive actions than somebody who feels that the world is against them.


Although introspection can be difficult for many people, the main benefit of is to look at your relationship habits, as well as your feelings and beliefs. When you think, what do you think? What do you value artistically, and why? What are your standards for friends? Notice when your thoughts and your emotions are in conflict.

Focusing (Gendlin)

Eugene Gendlin (psychology professor at University of Chicago) created a format for introspection that he called focusing, that is useful for assessing sense of life. Focusing follows six gentle steps. If you find difficulty, don't push, just move on gently until you experience something changing.

1. Clear space Be still and silent. Relax and pay attention inwardly, in your chest and abdomen. Feel what comes when you ask, "How is my life going? What is the main thing for me right now?" Wait and let answers come slowly from your sensing. When something comes, do not go inside it. Emotionally relax and say mentally "Yes, that’s there. I can feel that, there." Maintain space between you and that. Then ask inside "What else do I feel?" Wait again. Most people find several sensations.

2. Felt Sense From whatever came, select one personal issue to focus on. Do not go inside it. Stand back from it. There are many parts to that one issue – just feel all of these things together. Pay attention there where you usually feel things, and in there you can get a sense of what all of the problem feels like together. Let yourself feel the unclear felt sense of all of it.

3. Handle What is the quality of your unclear felt sense? Let a word, a phrase, or an image come up from the felt sense. It might be a quality-word, like tight, sticky, scary, stuck, heavy, jumpy or a phrase, or an image. Stay with the quality of the felt sense until some quality fits it well.

4. Resonate Go back and forth between the felt sense and the quality (word, phrase or image). Check how they resonate together. Notice if you feel a little body signal that lets you know there is a fit. To do it, you have to have the felt sense there again, as well as the word. Let the felt sense change, if it does, and also the word or picture, until they feel just right in capturing the quality of the felt sense.

5. Ask Now ask: "What is it about this whole problem, that makes this quality? (which you have named or pictured)" Sense the quality again, freshly, vividly (not just remembered from before). When it is here again, tap it, touch it, be with it, asking, "What makes the whole problem so ____?" Or ask, "What is in this sense?" If you get a quick answer without a shift in the felt sense, just let that kind of answer go by. Return your attention to your body and freshly find the felt sense again. Then ask again. Stay with the felt sense till something comes along with a shift, some sort of slight release.

6. Receive Receive in a friendly way whatever comes. Stay with it awhile, even if it is small. Whatever comes, this is only the first and there will be others. You can continue after a little while, but stay with it for a few moments.

If you sense and feel a BODY SENSE of your issue, then you have focused. It doesn't matter whether a body-shift happened or not. Trust yourself - don't try to control it.

When I am asked about the real or true meaning of life - I often answer is that
it's up to each person to give meaning to their own lives. It seems like many
people wait for some organization or agency to do this for them.

When people tell me, "Life is hard", I often ask, "Compared to what?"

Do you want to explore and change any emotions or relationship problems.

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I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2005-2016 All rights reserved.

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Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you want? Know your life goals and how you sabotage yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Develop your inner resources with Dreamwork
Do emotions block you? Resolve relationship problems and mentor damage
Do beliefs limit you? Change your limiting beliefs and end dependence
Can you feel connected? Resolve identity loss to recover your lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents can better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and top teams can develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling, therapy & training

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2016 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was developed by Martyn Carruthers
to help people solve emotional and relationship problems, and to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work.