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and resolve your anger, sadness, fear and guilt.
What are your most cherished
dreams? A stable marriage, well paying work, healthy children, a nice house and
the respect of your community?
Put these together and your greatest dream may be lasting
happiness? Some sources of the ongoing pleasurable feelings of
well-being generally called happiness are
- Acceptance of your own strengths, weaknesses,
vulnerabilities and finiteness
- Relationships healthy relationships with family,
friends and colleagues
- Respect - recognition by others of your qualities
- Justice being a responsible member of your
- Success defining, pursuing and accomplishing
- Community positive regard by members of your
- Transcendence service to humanity
Accomplish these and your life will make sense.
What is Sense of Life?
Man's Search for Meaning
Ultimately, man should not ask
for the meaning of his life, but rather must recognize that it is
he who is asked. Each man is questioned by life; and he can only
answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only
respond by being responsible.
By Sense of Life I refer to whatever purpose and meaning you ascribe to your life.
For me, your sense of life represents and integration of your relationships,
your identity and your values. It began with your first judgments about your
world long before you could rationally judge your world. It is because of this
that your Sense of Life can differ radically from your metaphysical view.
For me, Sense of Life is not just an evaluation - it is your
integration or summary of countless evaluations. Over the course of your life,
you integrate emotions and value-judgments about your relationships. Your Sense
of Life is an emotional summary of who you are and what makes sense.
Role of Sense of Life
Your sense of
life probably influences your focus; what
you attend to and think about when your conscious mind
doesn't evaluate. That means that it will be the deciding factor in an
experience before your conscious mind kicks in, and the deciding factor
in an experience where you don't apply your conscious mind.
Your sense of life is probably your basic driving force; giving you immediate
motivation to act. If you have a positive sense of life, you
will feel more inclined toward positive actions than somebody
who feels that the world is against them.
Although introspection can be difficult for many people, the main
benefit of is to look at your
relationship habits, as well as your feelings and beliefs. When you think,
what do you think? What do you value artistically, and why? What are
your standards for friends? Notice when your thoughts and your
emotions are in conflict.
Eugene Gendlin (psychology professor
at University of Chicago) created a format for introspection
that he called focusing, that is useful for assessing sense
of life. Focusing follows six gentle steps. If you find difficulty,
don't push, just move on gently until you experience something changing.
1. Clear space Be still and silent.
Relax and pay attention inwardly, in your chest and abdomen.
Feel what comes when you ask, "How is my life going?
What is the main thing for me right now?"
Wait and let answers come slowly from your sensing.
When something comes, do not go inside it. Emotionally relax and
say mentally "Yes, thats there. I can feel that,
there." Maintain space between you and that.
Then ask inside "What else do I feel?" Wait again.
Most people find several sensations.
2. Felt Sense From whatever came, select
one personal issue to focus on. Do not go inside it. Stand back from it.
There are many parts to that one issue just feel all of these things
together. Pay attention there where you usually feel things, and
in there you can get a sense of what all of the problem feels like
together. Let yourself feel the unclear felt sense of all of it.
3. Handle What is the quality of your unclear
felt sense? Let a word, a phrase, or an image come up from
the felt sense. It might be a quality-word, like tight, sticky,
scary, stuck, heavy, jumpy or a phrase, or an image. Stay with the
quality of the felt sense until some quality fits it well.
4. Resonate Go back and forth between the
felt sense and the quality (word, phrase or image).
Check how they resonate together. Notice if you feel a little body
signal that lets you know there is a fit. To do it, you have to have
the felt sense there again, as well as the word. Let the felt sense
change, if it does, and also the word or picture, until they feel just
right in capturing the quality of the felt sense.
5. Ask Now ask: "What is it about
this whole problem, that makes this quality? (which you have
named or pictured)" Sense the quality again, freshly, vividly
(not just remembered from before). When it is here again, tap it,
touch it, be with it, asking, "What makes the whole problem
so ____?" Or ask, "What is in this sense?"
If you get a quick answer without a shift in the felt sense, just let
that kind of answer go by. Return your attention to your body and
freshly find the felt sense again. Then ask again. Stay with the felt
sense till something comes along with a shift, some sort of slight release.
6. Receive Receive in a friendly way whatever
comes. Stay with it awhile, even if it is small. Whatever comes,
this is only the first and there will be others. You can continue
after a little while, but stay with it for a few moments.
If you sense and feel a BODY SENSE
of your issue, then you have focused. It doesn't matter whether a body-shift
happened or not. Trust yourself - don't try to control it.
When I am asked about the real or true
meaning of life - I often answer is that
it's up to each person to give meaning to their own lives. It seems like many
people wait for some organization or agency to do this for them.
When people tell me,
"Life is hard", I often ask, "Compared to what?"
Do you want to explore and change any emotions or
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