When people say that they are male
they are referring to more than the shape
of their sexual organs.
We help people who are
obsessed with cross-gender dressing,
people in homosexual couples and a few following
sex change operations.
We offer this help only
if people ask for it, not because
we feel that it's needed.
If you feel strong
emotions as you read this, especially if you have
undergone gender change, please consider
seeking emotional support.
Food for Thought
There are no accepted definitions
of masculine and feminine.
- Many people confuse sexual orientation
with gender identity.
- Not all people who feel their gender
is wrong choose surgery.
- Not all people who think of themselves
as transsexual will stay that way.
- Many people considering gender change
are afraid of the consequences.
- Many transsexuals experience emotional
changes as they change gender.
The term gender dysphoria was created by
psychiatrists at a time when men were supposed to be dynamic and
women were supposed to be passive, to describe people who felt
that they had a character more appropriate for the opposite sex. Like much psychiatric
diagnosis, it has no proven genetic or physiological basis.
A biological male cannot change into a biological
female or vice versa ... they can alter the appearance of body
parts and they can take hormones.
People undertaking sexual surgery retain the sex they were born with.
Thailand became the most popular place in the
world for for sex change operations or transsexual change ... for a
gender bender vendor ... (sorry). After Thailand, Iran currently
has the highest number of sex-change operations. (In Iran homosexuality is
punishable by execution, but homosexual men can legally become heterosexual women
following sex-change surgery!)
>>I was really screwed-up.
I told my psychiatrist that I felt I was in the wrong body,
or something like that, and he referred me for sex change surgery.
I am furious that he didn't offer me other alternatives!<<
Most sex change surgery is irreversible and
the results are often less than ideal. Male-to-female operations often remove
the genitals, create a vagina, insert breast implants and a modified
larynx. Lasers can be used to remove unwanted hair and cosmetic surgery can
modify the face. Female-to-male surgery often involves removal of breasts
and womb; while genital reconstruction uses either the clitoris (enlarged by
hormones) or tissue grafts and an erectile prosthetic.
Possession is Nine Points of the Law
Who are you? We ask questions and we listen carefully. We avoid
assumptions or advice. We try to understand people's emotional reality,
whatever their body sex or sexual orientation.
We coach people to manage emotional problems to their goals,
which usually include happy relationships.
I had a girl's body and a boy's mind. I
liked boy's toys, I liked boy's sports and I wore boys clothes. As a teenager I
loved to look at girls, and later, I loved to to seduce them ... During our
sessions it became obvious that I had identified with my uncle, who killed
himself when I was two. It felt like he was in my body, and I, the real me, was
a two year old girl who couldn't grow up. Since our coaching ... I am learning how to
be a woman ... It's not as easy as it looks! Nevada
If you have identified
with someone of the opposite sex, you may feel trapped in a wrong body,
either all the time or following some stimulus. Some people have
unconsciously identified with two people (typically parents), a
fairly common situation which I generally call
I was told I had bipolar or multiple
personality. Sometimes I felt very manly, and sometimes very feminine. It was
driving me crazy. During our sessions I realized that I was trying to live both
my mother's and father's lives, who divorced when I was young ...
Following our sessions I am one person ... a man!
I find that most relationship skills have little to do with
sexual orientation. The same relationship skills can apply to male members of
a military squad, a mixed-sex management team or to women working
together. All relationships have similar challenges ... and require
Symbiosis and Codependence
Popular Western culture seems to promote a definition of love,
in songs, television and movies, as relationships in which the partners are
inseparable, lost without each other, and in which each person
can only feel a sense of life in the presence of the other.
Such relationships can be called symbiotic or
codependent. Both may be attractive to people who have
identified with someone or suffered some other form of identity loss.
Symbiotic human relationships rarely allow for
flexibility or equality, and limit partners in their freedom to be
themselves. Symbiotic relationships can be stable and feel very close,
and the roles are often predictable and safe. For some young adults,
symbiosis may seem an ideal relationship! Two common examples of
symbiosis can be called rescuer-victim and caretaker-dependent.
Codependent human relationships occur when neither
person feels capable or self-reliant. It sometimes seems as if two half-persons
are trying to make a one complete person! A classic example is that one partner
devotes huge time and energy assisting the other partner to cope with an
addiction - while being terrified that the end of the addiction would indicate
the end of their relationship.
I looked for someone who would fulfill my needs ... someone
whose needs I could fulfill ... I found him and married him. Last year, I
realized that we were both children seeking parents ... you helped me grow up. But he still acts like a lost boy ... he doesn't want
to change ... he wants me to mother him. France
We help people move from
codependence and symbiosis (I can't live without you) to
independence (I can cope by myself) to interdependence (We can co-operate).
Love or Addiction?
For us, childish needs are not signs of healthy love.
These differences between immature love and mature love may
help you recognize what you really want ...
- Healthy love is fluid and dynamic.
Needy love often fears change
- Healthy love encourages honesty.
Needy love encourages secrets.
- Healthy love is accepting the partner you have.
Needy love looks for better.
- Healthy love is gentle and comfortable.
Needy love is tense and combative.
- Healthy love is unique. There are no ideal lovers.
Needy love is stereotyped.
- Healthy love creates life and joy. Needy love
creates melodrama and suffering.
- Healthy love is making yourself happy.
Needy love seeks people to make you happy.
- Healthy love is based on the pleasure of being with
a person. Needy love is based on dependence.
We also help people leave toxic relationships ...
we help them rebuild their confidence and learn better communication skills.
We help people set boundaries, such as distance, touch, acceptable words,
honesty and intimacy.
Relationship skills are the path of love,
respect and dignity.
Quality relationships require quality communication!
Online Life Coaching, Relationship Counseling & Systemic Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
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