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Solutions for Specific Sexual Problems (3)
Soulwork Coaching & Training © Martyn Carruthers

Online Life Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

This page is for helping professionals and responsible adults.
If sexual education offends you, please retreat now.

We help people who suffer from sexual issues,
and wish to manage or resolve issues of sexual intimacy.
We help people manage relationship problems and emotional disturbances.

Back to Page 1: Sexual Education & Harassment
Back to Page 2: Sexual Abuse & Addictions

11. Infertility

Many couples who cannot create babies either accept their fate; arrange in-vitro fertilization, create a child with a surrogate partner, or adopt a child. If infertility is psychosomatic or emotional - we can help people manage many emotional or relationship problems that may prevent conception.

A common entanglement related to infertility is dead person identification. If someone died in such a way that family members feel guilt - the family may avoid discussing the dead person. We find that family guilt about suicides and abortions are often at the root of this systemic problem.

If a young child identifies with a dead person, some common signs of dead person identification are existential melancholy or sadness and obsessions about death and dying. It seems that some people may become infertile to break or end cross-generational chains of infant deaths.

12. Masturbation (Sexual Independence?)

Excessive or compulsive masturbation may cause tissue damage and relationship distress. Masturbation is a common way of coping with uncontrolled emotions, including boredom and loneliness. Masturbation can become more like a drug fix than a sexual experience, and can distract people from important activities - for example family, education, friends, hobbies and sports.

Some indicators of excessive harmful masturbation are:

  1. Guilt about the use of pornography
  2. Abrasions or bruises of delicate tissues
  3. Interference with a personís work or activities
  4. Nervous tissue may be drained of acetylcholine

We can help people change addictive or excessive masturbation before they damage their sexual organs or their important relationships. Our work depends a person's mental, physical, marital and social health, age, interests and goals.

13. Menopause

Menopause translates as end of monthly cycles from Greek words, and usually refers to the end of a woman's reproductive potential. The average age of onset is about 48 years, but menopause may begin anywhere between age 40 and 54. (An artificial menopause can be caused by removing or damaging a woman's ovaries.)

The onset of menopause results in missed periods, irregular periods, bleeding, varying lengths of periods, or changes in menstrual flow. During menopause the ovaries produce smaller amounts of the hormone estrogen. This probably causes the flushes, or hot flashes, that characterize this time.

Menopausal nervousness, headaches, or dizziness may have emotional origins stemming from fears of aging, changing life patterns and family relationships. Weight gain may follow an increased desire for food with less physical activity. We can help people control many of their emotional reactions.

14. Male Menopause (Andropause)

Although men do not experience a well-defined menopause, aging men produce less male hormone androgen (testosterone). Some people refer to this decline as a male menopause or andropause.

Men's testosterone levels gradually decline - about 1% annually after age 30 - so by age 70, men's testosterone level may be reduced by 50%. Along with a testosterone decline, some men experience fatigue, weakness, sexual problems and depression. Lowered testosterone may also accompany medical conditions, such as diabetes or sleep apnea.

(During our trainings, some women have remarked that this marks the end of male testosterone poisoning, and that older men can finally become mature adults!)

Testosterone replacement therapy may help revive interest in sex, and perhaps decrease depression and fatigue. But, testosterone replacement supplements may worsen prostate cancer.

Some lifestyle changes, such as an improved diet or exercise program, may help control the symptoms of male menopause. Antidepressant medications may be prescribed to men whose sense of life is diminished by their reduced sexuality.

Suggested Supplements for Older Men

  1. Zinc is said to be essential for testosterone production.
  2. Vitamin E improves circulation and can help lower blood cholesterol.
  3. Calcium is essential for muscle contraction, blood clotting and heart function.
  4. Beta carotene is converted into vitamin A, which is essential for sexual health.
  5. Magnesium is essential for life, and helps produce dopamine and acetylcholine, both required for sexual arousal.

Ask your doctor about the appropriateness of supplements

15. Physical, Covert & Emotional Incest

Sexual intercourse between a father and daughter, a mother and son, or a brother and sister is almost universally forbidden. Sexual relations between an uncle and niece, or between an aunt and nephew are often taboo, and intimate relations between first cousins are prohibited in some countries.

Incest, whether physical or covert, hurts people. In many cultures, relationships between mothers and their first sons, and between fathers and their youngest daughters are often considered to be special. Also, if a parent wants to leave the family, a child (usually the opposite sex) may be chosen to become a substitute for the missing parent. See Father-Daughter Bonds and Mother-Son Entanglements.

Healing the consequences of covert emotional incest may be complicated. Children who are bonded to adults may feel special, idealized and privileged, and see themselves as helpers or providers. Although, many health professionals believe that psychological damage cannot occur without physical, sexual contact - we find that emotional damage can have enormous influence over people's lives.

Physical incest between parents and children, or brothers and sisters is not as common as covert emotional incest, but the consequences seem to be more damaging. Psychosomatic diseases seem more frequent following incest, particularly asthma, anorexia and bulimia. We help abused people pull themselves together and plan happy partnership and parenthood.

16. Sexual Obsessions, Sex Addiction & Suffering

Sexual obsessions are common. We find that sexual addictions often have a systemic component, in which the sex addict is fulfilling the frustrated or repressed sexual desires of a sexual abuser (from early childhood), perhaps by a parent or some other relative. This may result in chronic anger, in which anger is at first expressed to a specific victimizer, and later generalized to all victimizers.

A sex addict may say that the choice of partner is irrelevant and that only sexual gratification is important. Little or no effort is wasted on shared intimacy or mutual caring. Instead there is an urge to masturbate or copulate, and leave - perhaps with elements of sadism and masochism.

We help people manage sexual addictions. However, some adults addicted to sex enjoy their feelings of power, and do not want to change, regardless of the consequences. Some people prefer to suffer and to cause suffering.

If you need help with emotional or relationship issues, contact us.

Online Life Coaching & Counseling for Sexual Difficulties

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2004-2018
All rights reserved

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Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email