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Online Solutions for Sexual Health
Healthy Sexuality Martyn Carruthers

Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Training

We help people solve relationship problems
that often cause or underlie sexual issues.

Sex & Motivation

Human motivation and creativity reflect human sexuality. We help people find healthy partners, become good parents, protect children and raise children to become independent. We also help adults unblock their creativity and sexuality.

As sexuality touches almost every part of life, any issue connected to sexuality will generate emotional and political controversy. While pornography and masturbation are often called victimless crimes, we find that the victims are the partners and children of sex addicts; the wives, sons and daughters who find themselves burdened with blocks to maturity and sexual happiness.

Repression leads to Obsession

After millennia of sexual repression, many people are obsessed with sex, and express their sexuality chaotically. For us, sexual obsessions include attempts to control the sexual expressions of other people. People who try to control your sexual behavior - are trying to control your life.

Sex is often a forbidden obsession. Murder, robbery, pollution, corruption and wasted resources are common themes for TV and cinema, even for for young audiences, yet obsessed people strive to censor and control other people's expressions of sexuality.

The hypocrisy can be stunning. An exposed female breast during a football game outraged the nation that creates most of the world's pornography ... a nation in which carrying guns is legal and murder is acceptable children's television viewing.

If children cannot discuss and assimilate thoughts, emotions and motivations about sex, those children often have to deal with sexual obsessions during and following adolescence. The possibility of delayed sexual dysfunction is high for children who have been taught to associate sexual thoughts with guilt, punishment or disgrace.

Systemic Solutions

Sexual pleasure is or will become an important topic to you and to those people with whom you share significant relationships. Your sexuality ... including trying to ignore it ... will have enormous impact on your self-image and on your family.

As emotional changes affect your relationships, we often help people deal with:

  1. Sexual Abuse
  2. Sexual Harassment by Health Professionals
  3. Sexual Dysfunction: Impotence and Frigidity

Solutions for many other sexual health issues can be found at Sexual Solutions. We also offer pre-abortion and post-abortion counseling to help people avoid the consequences of abortion and vanishing twins.

Relationship Diagnosis & Sexual Addictions

We help people identify and manage sexual addictions. Many sexual issues include obsessions - often to childhood fantasies about parents and family members, about unrequited love and about past-partners. Many sexual problems seem to be based in covert emotional incest.

I am 64 and I never married. You asked me if I was ever in love, and I told you about my teenage romance. You asked me if I had ever let go of that girl - and no I never did. I always feel her in my arms - always beautiful - always wanting to play. I was shocked to realize that holding her memory stopped me building relationships with real women. Chicago

Some adults cling to fantasies from adolescence or early adulthood ... and we often find that these fantasies can damage later relationships. We can help people change old fantasies and refocus on their current or potential sexual partners.

What is Sex Addiction?

Sex addiction can include: excessive masturbation, internet pornography, using prostitutes, voyeurism, exhibitionism, multiple sexual affairs, serial relationships, and obsessing about other people's sexual behavior.

Do you use sexuality as an escape from boredom or as a way to feel good? Sex can become an attempt to compensate for pain and feeling unworthy. Over time, sexual behavior may show the damaging consequences of addiction: preoccupation, compulsive behavior, despair and depression.

Are you a Sex Addict?

Has your work, education or relationships suffered because of your sexual fantasies or activities? Do you live a double life? Some signs are:

  1. Do you keep secrets about your sexuality from people you love?
  2. Do you feel compelled to have sex repeatedly in a short time frame?
  3. Do you want to leave a sex partner after sex? Do you feel shame or guilt?
  4. Can you stop your sexual behavior if there are unpleasant consequences?
  5. Do you spend your life obtaining sex, being sexual or recovering from sex?

We help people change destructive sexual urges and find healthier ways to enjoy life. We help people change sexual compulsions and addictions - rapidly and with humor.

Sexual Harassment at Work

Sexuality in the workplace is a touchy subject - the number of lawsuits concerning sexual harassment appears to be increasing.

We offer Team Coaching at the workplace or at retreats where teams can be together with minimal disturbances. It can be cost-effective to invite one of us to join an annual meeting or conference. We can offer a package of short workshops, team coaching and individual sessions over a few days.

Lesbians, Bisexual and Gay

Most women seek non-sexual intimate relationships with other women, and some women strive to fulfill their emotional needs and sexual desires through other women. Some women fantasize lesbian activity but do not follow through with their fantasies.

Some men seek other men for sexual pleasure. This may start as a search for fathers, brothers or vanishing twins ... or to avoid dark entanglements with mothers. Homosexual men are increasingly coming out of their closets.

I have not met any homosexual people who wanted to change their sexual orientation to heterosexual. Like most adults, they are usually seeking a sense of wholeness within relationships. All human couples have predictable problems, regardless of sexual orientation ... we coach gay and lesbian couples too.

My daughter is lesbian and I don't know what to do. How can I make her change?
I can't tell people that I have a lesbian daughter - they might blame me.

While few people, gay, straight or bi, want to change their sexual orientation, we help people redefine their relationships with their family members and with other adults.

Couple Coaching

We help people to manage emotional, relationship and sexual problems. We don't criticize or give unwanted advice on your sexual choices - unless you hurt children - rather we help people resolve emotional conflicts and manage relationship issues.

You need not feel alone as you seek your way through the sexual labyrinth. Sex is an essential part of human relationships - and has been terribly distorted for centuries.

Contact us to solve emotional and relationship issues.

Online Help: Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

Please consult your physician about medical symptoms or medical conditions.

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2004-2018
All rights reserved

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
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For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


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Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email