We offer coaching and training on relationship
and sexual happiness,
resolving negative emotions and relationship entanglements.
This page is for
helping professionals and responsible adults.
We provide coaching to people who have suffered
from sexual issues, and we train health professionals to help clients
manage issues of sexual intimacy. We help people manage many
underlying relationship problems and emotional disturbances.
I asked you for help because I was
emotionally absent during sex. If I wanted to climax I had to fantasize ... and
felt guilty. During my sessions I was shocked to find that emotionally, I
had married my father, who I love, but I didn't want to make love with him.
Back to Page 1: Sexual Education & Harassment
On to Page 3: Infertility,
Masturbation & Menopause
5. Survivors of Sexual Abuse
Survivors of childhood sexual abuse often fear happiness and success, and
some Adult Children of Alcoholics
(ACOA) were sexually abused as children. This may lead to reduced motivation,
chaotic relationships and psychosomatic disease (e.g. asthma). Survivors of
sexual abuse can benefit from our systemic psychology to change toxic relationship
beliefs and emotional trauma.
Some children play the role of a friend or partner to lonely, needy parents.
These children become fixated on and bonded to their parents by feelings
of puppy love, loyalty, allegiance and responsibility rather than
in healthy parent-child relationships. As adults, these children of covert
emotional incest often appear unable to commit to healthy partnership,
usually with problems of intimacy and sexuality.
6. Treatment for Sexual Abusers
Many sexual abusers were themselves abused as children. During
an abusive event, most people seem to dissociate to the meta-position
of the abuser. Such bonds to abusers are usually in conflict with a
person's dominant personality, and the repressed motivation
later surfaces as powerful desires.
Such desires may be externalized as coming from some entity (a demon
controls me), or may be kept secret, with fear of impending insanity.
Actualizing such obsessions brings a form of peace - also guilt, shame and
legal risks. Our drug-free coaching can help people resolve and integrate
7. Male Sexual Problems
Sexual dysfunction usually means problems with sex.
Both men and women can have it. Male sexual dysfunction
is often associated with anxiety and self-fulfilling prophecies of failure.
The most common issues we are told about are erectile dysfunction
(limp dick) and premature ejaculation.
Erectile dysfunction has many possible causes and no reliable prevention
(although it is known that high alcohol or nicotine intake can restrict blood
flow to the penis). We can help people control anxiety issues (including
performance anxiety), depression and self-confidence.
Premature ejaculation appears primarily emotional, often in men
who are obsessed with sexual activity. We help men manage this problem by
helping them resolve or control underlying childish
or teenage conflicts, fears, guilt and other emotions.
8. Female Sexual Issues
Sexual dysfunction usually means problems with or about sex. The stresses of
everyday life - being tired from a busy job - caring for young children
or boring sexual routines often reduce sexual desire.
Women with sexual problems comprise about a quarter of our female clients.
This increases to about three quarters if we include sexual dissatisfaction
or sexual problems such as impotence &
frigidity. We note that many people blame their partners for
their own dysfunction.
Four basic types of women's sexual problems are:
- When you can't reach orgasm or you have pain during orgasm
- When you have pain during or after sex (dryness, vaginismus,
- When you are not interested in sex or you have less desire for
sex than previously
- When you don't feel sexual responses in your body or you cannot stay
Women may have less sexual desire during pregnancy, following childbirth or
when breastfeeding. After menopause many women feel less sexual desire, have
vaginal dryness or have pain during sex due to a decrease in estrogen (a female
9. Sexual Addictions
Many sex addicts come from a background of sexual and/or emotional abuse.
Abuse victims may re-enact their abuse not only by victimizing
others, but also by sexual obsessions, compulsions and addictions. (We coach
people to resolve sexual addictions like any other addiction.)
Survivors of abuse (including covert emotional incest) often feel
inadequate, and sexual intimacy may offer an escape from reality, a way to feel
good, and a way to define oneself. If this becomes a problem - then a desire
for sexual intimacy may show the classic signs of addiction: compulsions,
preoccupation, unpleasant consequences, inability to stop, despair and
Men who love their mothers as partners may
avoid commitment and sabotage
their intimate relationships. A son's love for his
mother may not leave any space
for loving a partner. Instead such men may pursue
women relentlessly, distract
themselves or become celibate.
A survey of over 1,000 recovering sex addicts (summarized in Dr. Carnes
Don't Call It Love), indicated that almost all people (97%),
surveyed felt that they were emotionally abused while
81% indicated that they had been sexually abused, and 72% said that they
were physically abused as children.
About 80% of those sex addicts indicated that they came from families with
rigid and repressed attitudes about sex, or from families that were entangled
and/or dissociated. Families that are either rigid or chaotic or that are
disengaged or entangled tend to produce sex addicts.
10. Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD)
About 15% of people have at least one of the venereal diseases
transmitted through sexual activity. HIV and AIDS are deadly; other
complaints include genital warts, chlamydia, herpes
and gonorrhea. (Many STDs have similar symptoms -
refer all medical symptoms to licensed physicians.)
People risk venereal disease if they have or had:
- sex without protection
- multiple sexual partners
- share drug needles or have sex with a diseased person
- know or suspect that a partner had sex with other partners
Solutions for Sexual Issues
Alcohol, stress, medications, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and weight
are often blamed for sexual problems - but the reasons why
people get into such messes usually result from negative emotions and limiting
beliefs that reflect
Assimilating limiting beliefs and integrating negative emotions usually requires changing
and healing the relationships in which those beliefs and emotions were created. We specialize
in resolving emotional problems and relationship issues.
The consequences of sexual issues can be severe. Do you want
emotional and relationship problems that underlie sexual issues?
Counseling & Soulwork Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2004-2018
All rights reserved