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We present interactive seminars and workshops on
systemic coaching, relationship happiness, resolving family chaos and
sexual entanglements. Email us if you would like a workshop in your
area.
This is for
helping professionals, coaches, trainers and responsible adults.
If sexual education offends you, please retreat now.
1. Sex Education
Organizations often attempt, and often succeed, in controlling sexual
behavior. Sexual behavior that does not fit norms set thousands of years
ago can bring punishment, imprisonment and death.
The results of sexual control include the reluctance of many parents
to prepare their children for adulthood. The consequences include single
teenage mothers and adult men who cannot fulfill the responsibilities of
partnership and parenthood.
Many children are not taught about sexuality; they learn it in biology
classes or childish "sex talk". Whether the parents
were shy, religious or ignorant - their children carry the burden.
Media sources of sexual education conflict with the needs
and goals of most people in most cultures. International media promote sexual
fetishes for commercial gain, ignoring the consequences to immature readers. The
top shelf of the magazine rack, like the dark underbelly of the internet,
promotes and encourages the unpleasant consequences of sexual obsessions.
Soulwork Systemic Coaching includes coaching human love, the joys of partnership and parenthood, and
alleviating the
consequences of sexual obsessions, diseases and unwanted pregnancies.
[ Prevent Child Sexual Abuse
. Divorce and Children .
Parent Alienation ]
2. Sexual Happiness
Long-term happiness, as opposed to short-term fun, is independent of
sexual activity. Sexual activity provides a luxury for an
already-wonderful relationship. People using sexual activity to replace
intimacy are doomed to failure - desperately searching for a
"perfect" sexual partner or sex toy to realize immature
fantasies of orgasmic oblivion.
Women generally report that orgasm is less important to their sexual happiness than
knowing their partner is sexually satisfied; than feeling emotionally close to
their partner; or feeling comfortable talking about sexual activities with
their partner.
Men generally report that sexual happiness concerns physical satisfaction.
The satisfaction of the female may be less important, although
some men take pride in "giving" orgasms to a women.
People who search for sexual pleasure outside intimate relationships
are often entangled with opposite-sex parents. If happy partnership represents
the betrayal of a parent, then happy partnership must be avoided. The avoidance
of happiness is a feature of cinema,
television, rock music lyrics and advertising.
Soulwork Systemic Coaching can dissolve sexual bonds and entanglements. Soulwork offers freedom from
emotional blackmail and
emotional incest.
[ Sexual Abuse . Predictable Partnership ]
3. Sexual Harassment at Work
Workplace harassment presents potential liabilities to individuals
and organizations. Claims of sexual harassment bring adverse publicity, loss
of revenue, legal penalties and the costs of replacing talented, experienced
people.
Demeaning or sarcastic tonalities, unwanted body contact, borderline
comments, lewd non-verbal behavior or sexist jokes from only one staff member
can precipitate devastating legal actions.
Some managers lack
appropriate communication skills. Systemic Coaching can teach
appropriate behavior peacefully and with dignity. We can provide lawyers,
or we can work with your attorneys.
4. Sexual Harassment by Professionals
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A sexual relationship between a helping professional and a client is at least
unethical and may be a criminal offense. According to some studies, about 12% of male
therapists and 3% of female therapists have engaged in sexual intimacy with at
least one client (Holroyd & Brodsky, 1977;
Pope, Levenson & Schover, 1979). |
Clients tend to trust people who offer professional knowledge, assistance
and advice. Clients may flirt with and attempt to seduce helping
professionals. Perhaps they act out some transference or perhaps
they respond to the first gentle and supportive words that they have heard
for a time. And sometimes, helping professionals take advantage of
people who cannot think clearly nor make
informed decisions.
A health professional who rapes an unwilling client is relatively easy to
judge. A client who seduces a health professional, and later cites diminished responsibility poses more
difficulty. Some cases are fraud, to obtain money from malpractice insurance, or to punish
a practitioner. Professional associations often
settle sexual cases out of court and provide internal discipline for offending
members.
The appropriate time between providing a professional service
and the start of an intimate relationship can vary
from a few days to never. The codes of conduct used by health professionals often
specify a minimum "cooling off" time, during which intimacy with an
ex-client is forbidden. This period is often between six months and one year.
We provide relationship coaching for people who have suffered from affairs with
health professionals; and we coach health professionals to reduce their
risk of sexual intimacy with clients. Soulwork Systemic Coaching can resolve
many underlying relationship problems and emotional disturbances and
provide steps to emotional maturity.
[ Soulwork Code of Conduct . Client Abuse by Therapists ]
5. Survivors of Sexual Abuse
Survivors of childhood sexual abuse
often fear happiness and success, and many Adult Children of
Alcoholics (ACOA) were sexually abused as children.. This
may lead to reduced motivation, chaotic
relationships and psychosomatic disease (e.g. asthma). Survivors of
sexual abuse can use systemic coaching to achieve specific goals,
dissolve relationship bonds and emotional trauma.
6. Treatment for Sexual Abusers
Many sexual abusers were themselves abused as children. During
an abusive event, most people dissociate - to the
abuser. This deep bond to an abuser is in
conflict with a person's dominant personality. The repressed motivation may
surface as uncontrollable desires.
Such desires may be externalized as coming from some entity, or
may be internalized with thoughts of impending insanity.
Realizing the obsessions brings a form of peace - and guilt,
shame and legal risk.
Soulwork Systemic Coaching offers drug-free methods for
resolving and integrating sexual issues.
7. Sexual Dysfunction in Men
Male sexual dysfunction is associated with
anxiety and self-fulfilling prophecies of failure. The most common issues are
erectile dysfunction (limp dick) and premature ejaculation.
Erectile dysfunction can be somatic or emotional.
It has many possible causes, and no reliable prevention. Systemic coaching can
assist issues of anxiety (including performance anxiety),
depression, self-confidence, and partnership; and with resolving high alcohol or
nicotine intake, which can restrict blood flow to the penis.
Premature ejaculation is primarily emotional. Instead of isolating themselves
from sexual acts, men can involve themselves with sexual
activity. Systemic coaching can assist men with this problem.
8. Sexual Dysfunction in Women
The number of women with sexual dysfunction ranges from 20 to 50 percent of
"normal" outpatients and increases to about
70 percent when sexual dissatisfaction or sexual problems are included.
- Orgasm difficulties (Inability to reach orgasm)
- Painful sex (dryness, vaginismus, pelvic pains)
[ Impotence &
Frigidity ]
9. Sexual Addictions
Many sex addicts come from a background of emotional dissociation
and abuse. Abuse victims may reenact their abuse not only by victimizing
others, but also by sexual obsessions and compulsions.
A survey of over 1,000 recovering sex addicts (summarized in Dr. Carnes
Don't Call It Love), indicates that almost all people (97%),
surveyed felt that they were emotionally abused while
81% indicated that they had been sexually abused, and 72% said that they
were physically abused as children.
About 80% of the sex addicts indicated that they came
from families with rigid and repressed attitudes about sex, or from families
that were entangled and/or dissociated. Families that are either rigid or
chaotic or that are disengaged or entangled tend to produce sex addicts. See
Resolve Addictions
10. Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD)
About 15% of people have at least one venereal diseases
transmitted through sexual activity. HIV and AIDS are news, and
other common complaints include genital warts, chlamydia, herpes
and gonorrhea.
Many STDs have similar symptoms -
refer all medical symptoms to licensed physicians
People risk venereal disease if they:
- have more than one sex partner
- know or suspect that their partner has sex with other partners
- had sex (oral, vaginal, or anal) without protection
- shared drug needles or had sex with a diseased person
- received blood before 1985 or had sex with someone
who has
[
Disease Makes Sense . Sexual Issues .
Divorce Coaching ]
11. Masturbation
Excessive or compulsive masturbation may cause tissue
damage and relationship distress. Often, masturbation is a way of coping with
uncontrolled emotions, including boredom. Soulwork systemic coaching
offers ways of dealing with addiction or excessive masturbation.
Appropriate coaching depends a person's mental, physical, marital,
and social conditions, age, interests and goals.
12. Infertility
Couples who cannot create babies either accept their fate;
strive for in-vitro fertilization,
create a child with a surrogate partner, or adopt a child. If infertility is
psychosomatic or emotional - Soulwork Systemic Coaching may
resolve whatever systemic entanglements prevent conception.
A common entanglement related to infertility is dead person
identification. Someone died in such a way that family members feel guilt
- and avoid discussing the dead person. Suicides and abortions are commonly
cause this systemic problem.
A child, typically under the age of seven years, may identify
with a dead person. The results often include
that a child will die in the next generation - by spontaneous miscarriage or
crib death. Other signs of dead person identification are
existential melancholy or sadness, obsessions about death and dying and either a
morbid fear of risk or a dangerous bravado.
To break a cross-generational chain,
a person may become infertile. Resolving this requires both individual and
couple coaching sessions. One or two sessions can
determine if systemic entanglements are at fault - and further sessions to
dissolve the systemic entanglements, re-build the partnership and prepare the
partners for parenthood.
13. Menopause
Menopause marks the end of a woman's reproductive potential. The
average age of onset is about 48 years, but menopause may begin anywhere between
age 40 and 54. Artificial menopause can be induced by removing or damaging
the ovaries.
Menopause results
in missed periods, irregular 16iods, bleeding, varying
lengths of periods, or changes in menstrual flow. During menopause the ovaries
produce smaller amounts of the hormone estrogen. This probably causes the
brief flushes, or hot flashes, that characterize menopause.
Menopausal nervousness, headaches, or dizziness may have a
emotional origin stemming from fears of aging, changing life patterns and family
relationships, and weight gain may follow increased desire for food. Soulwork
Systemic Coaching offers ways to control these emotional reactions.
14. Physical & Emotional Incest
Sexual intercourse between a father and daughter, a mother and son, or a brother
and sister is almost universally forbidden. Sexual relations between an uncle
and niece, or between an aunt and nephew are often taboo, and intimate relations
between first cousins are prohibited in some societies.
Physical and emotional incest bonds
people. If one parent wants to leave the other, a child
(usually the opposite sex) may
substitute himself or herself for the parent who wants to leave. See
Father-Daughter Bonds and Mother-Son Bonds.
Physical incest between parents and children, or brothers and
sisters is not as common as emotional incest, but the consequences are more
damaging. The
consequences of emotional incest can often be resolved by resolving
identity loss and relationship
bonds.
The consequences of physical incest are similar to PTSD
(post-traumatic stress disorders) and require trauma resolution. Sexual
obsessions, frigidity or impotence are common. Psychosomatic disease is
also more frequent following incest, particularly asthma, anorexia and bulimia.
Soulwork sessions help people rebuild a sense of identity and plan a happy partnership,
parenthood and normal sexual activity.
15. Sex Addictions & Suffering
Sexual obsessions are common amongst teenagers and young adults.
Addictions often have a systemic component, in which the sex addict
is fulfilling the frustrated or repressed sexual desires of a sexual abuser
(during early childhood), of a parent or of another ancestor.
The result may be similar to victim identification,
in which anger is expressed to a victimizer.
A sex addict may say that the choice of partner is irrelevant
and that only sexual gratification is important. Little or no effort is wasted on shared intimacy
or mutual caring. Instead there is an urge to masturbate and copulate -
often with elements of sadism and masochism.
For motivated adults, sexual addictions may be resolved
in 5 - 10 private sessions. However, some adults addicted to sex enjoy
their feelings of power, and do not want to change, regardless of the
consequences to themselves and others. They need to suffer.
NOTE: Consult your physician about any opinion or recommendation with
respect to sexual issues, medical symptoms or medical conditions.
Summary
The consequences of sexual abuse can be severe and cause generations
of suffering. Appropriate solutions for
individual, partnership and family problems are available in
Soulwork coaching, coach training and
home-study courses.
Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2002, 2009 All rights reserved |
