Are you looking for a perfect partner- for someone to
make your life complete?
Are you searching for a Soul Mate?
Or did you find one? Or have you lost one?
Sometimes I barbecue sacred cows ...
this one seems overdue for grilling!
Many people say that they are searching for a
soul mate - and some few say that they found one. Many people
seem to believe that finding an ideal counterpart will automatically
bring happiness and fulfillment. While a sense of integration,
connection and partnership usually enhances and enriches life,
some beliefs and habits can prevent or sabotage your happiness, and immaturity
can truly mess things up.
Western philosophy originated in ancient Greece. Over
2000 years ago, Plato wrote that we are conceived perfect, and then split
in half by the god Zeus. Plato described loneliness, a desire for lost
perfection and a search for a twin soul ... sometimes called a
soul mate or twin flame.
... and when one of them meets the other half,
the actual half of himself, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship
and intimacy and one will not be out of the other's sight even for a moment ...
Plato (340 BC)
Do you believe that certain people
are fated to play important roles in your life? Whether this is
the influence of Zeus or fate or a wheel of karma,
many people seek a special person who will complete their happiness
... and feel completed by them. During a search for a soul mate, a series
of potential perfect partners is often found - but each person is
sooner or later rejected as inadequate.
I am seeking a soul mate. You must be single, a good
communicator ... love life ... love nature ... good physical shape ...
great sense of humor ... professional ... financially healthy ... and
ready to adore me. Newspaper Ad, Ontario
While happy partnership is a life
treasure, people seeking such a special soul mate may put their lives
on hold, and judge all potential partners as not special enough.
Such people often seem to be searching for missing parts of themselves, or
for missing people from their past. This is not good news.
If the presence of a person triggers wonderful
feelings, and the absence of that person may trigger feelings of boredom,
loneliness or worse, there is a risk of falling in love with one's own good
feelings - and trying to stabilize those good feelings by clinging to
someone. For such people, however, finding happiness independent of that
special partner can put
their relationship into an immediate crisis.
Soul Mate Challenges
Many people have told me about how they searched for a soulmate. The pattern is
fascinating. A person is attracted to a soul mate, but marries someone else;
with a consequence that a child of that marriage tries to become the parent's
missing soul mate.
A yearning to feel connected in a realistic partnership is life-enhancing, but many obsessions about soulmates seem
based on teenage romances, media stars, parents or on the qualities (perhaps
assumed) of a missing or dead family member - often an aborted or dead sibling,
especially a vanishing twin.
I never expected to meet a soul mate ... we were both
married with kids ... and our affair hurt our partners and our children.
We were both crazy in love and we both acted like children. During your
counseling I realized that our love affair required our immaturity. When one
of us grew up - it was over. Canada
People seeking soulmates may burden their partners with
often-unspoken demands to fulfill their idealized dreams. On an even darker side,
people seeking a soul mate who also experiences an
inner emptiness may balance
their search with other compulsions - notably drug, food or alcohol abuse.
For such people, if a soulmate obsession abates,
substance abuse may increase, replacing one set of compulsions with
another. (Some people endlessly search for the perfect recipe, or
wine, or drug, or pet, or car or computer ... doesn't it start
to sound rather familiar? Good enough is not enough.)
I finally met my soul mate ...
we both fell head over heels in love ... but within six months we both felt
trapped ... my disappointment was beyond imagination ... I put on 50 pounds ...
During my sessions with you I realized how empty my life was ...
now I am filling my life with myself. Glasgow, Scotland
Many people who search for an idealized soul mate
may be responding to
guilt ("I hurt someone"),
transference ("I want a partner
who looks like / acts like / or replaces ..."),
identity loss ("I search for missing part of me");
("I am incomplete") or on a
womb-twin ("someone important is missing").
For some people, a soul mate must look and act
like some teenage love, or like a favored actor or actress, or must have
enviable financial resources. Or all of the above.
My goal is to be rich and single, and
my problem is that I can't
find many eligible bachelors who are dying ...
it's very win-win ...
my ideal soul mate could die happy and I could live happy!
Some people have a string of affairs while
waiting for the perfect partner, while others just wait and hope,
often repeating something like "If it's meant to be
it will happen", until they either give up - or until they decide to
enjoy life rather than watch it pass by.
Some people seek a soul mate who is like a
parent ... a potential
soul mate must have qualities similar to a beloved parent - or - a potential soul mate must have qualities that a person wanted
a parent to have. Quite often a potential soul mate is a substitute for a
parent's lost lover who the parent loved intensely but did not marry.
I searched for a soul mate
after my mother died ... I fell in love with a woman ... part of me was VERY
happy while another part of me wanted to escape. During our sessions I
realized that this woman had exactly the qualities that I very
much wished that my mother
had had. South Africa
Many seekers of soulmates appear
to seek a missing or dead family member, usually someone whose
absence left a guilty hole in the family. In my experience, it seems that
a child born immediately after a sibling who died of accident, neglect or
abortion is most at risk. (Abortion is commonplace in many countries, and has
Dr. William Baldwin, wrote in "Spirit Releasement
a dead twin attaches its soul to the surviving twin. Dr. Alice Rose wrote
in "Coping with Eating Disabilities" that some eating
disorders result from a twin dying in the womb due to competition
for nourishment. Dr. Michael Newton, author of "Destiny of Souls"
reports that his clients have
"primary soul-mates" rather than twin souls.
Ultrasound tests show that perhaps 25% of people were once twins, but the twin disappears in the first month of
pregnancy. The surviving twin may develop emotional problems, even if
the mother does not know or the child is not told that a twin vanished. For more,
see our solutions for womb twins.
I always felt that
a wonderful woman was waiting for me ... hurting and
broken. It was my
life task to find her and heal her ... I searched
for damaged women that I could help.
Since my coaching, I feel more
complete ... I want to be with complete people. Hawaii
Healthy partnership requires maturity and mature partnership
These skills will help you build a soul mate relationship.
Contact us to resolve emotional and
Online Couple Coaching, Counseling & Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
2010-2017 All rights reserved