Steps in Personal Transformation

1. Personal transformation is rarely easy. For most people, the major motivation to live with integrity is to avoid suffering. This rarely occurs before about age 30, and is common by age 40. Have you suffered enough to find your motivation and inspiration to evaluate and change your life?
   
   
2. Or, you may be one of the few who are strongly motivated to increase happiness. Not just to talk about it - but to take the steps. You already enjoy most parts of your life - and yet you know that there's more - a lot more - happiness possible.
   
   
3. Choose between short-term and long-term solutions. Short-term solutions (e.g. massage, alcohol, a holiday, a workshop) may provide relief or fun for a short time. Long-term solutions usually require that you change your lifestyle and relationships. This requires commitment.
   
   
4. Evaluate your relationships. (Many people promote themselves as coaches or guides etc; but their ability to create and maintain quality relationships indicates who "walks their talk".)
   
   
5. Discuss your problems, solutions and goals, and create a timetable. A Soulwork coach can help you ensure that your final goal is EXACTLY what you want. Each step is solution oriented, and provides you feedback about effectiveness and consequences.
   
   
6. You can predict the consequences of any change in your relationships to your family, friends and co-workers. While a few people prefer dependent, codependent or symbiotic relationships, most people choose to "stop suffering". [ See Dependent Relationships ]
   
   
7. Your coach can help you resolve crisis, guilt or depression. This is time to check your relationships - especially with your families and past partners. Are you "frozen" into your family chaos? This step of "defrosts" old habits, clarifies your relationships and brings you peace.
   
   
8. Now you can find and stabilize your experience of integrity as a basis for long-term life transformation. When you stabilize this experience, you can restructure your relationships, forever resolve traumatic memories and choose inspirational role-models for your fulfillment.

Soulwork Systemic Solutions helps you find complete solutions for neurotic and addictive behavior, such as compulsions, addictions, unhealthy relationship habits and emotional problems. Soulwork also alleviates many psychosomatic [1] symptoms, and helps accelerate the healing of physical disease [2].

Sequence of Soulwork Systemic Coaching

Soulwork coaching starts with an interview in which goals and problems are discussed, to determine whether Soulwork is appropriate. Your goals, complaints, motivation and emotional maturity help you decide if you are ready to change your life, and helps a coach decide whether to invest time in you.

1. Resolve Crisis and Guilt

Resolve Crisis

If you are in a crisis, you may be unable to focus. People in crisis (E.g.: divorce; war; pain; unwanted pregnancy; unemployment; depression, etc) often act childishly and cannot focus on long-term goals. Transformational changework would be difficult if you are preoccupied with a crisis

Relationship Diagnosis: Recognize Relationship Problems

You can examine your relationship matrix (family map) and the structure of problem relationships. Then you can integrate relationship changework into your goals and planning.

Resolve Guilt

If you have betrayed, abandoned or hurt one or more important people, you will likely sabotage both your success and depress your happiness until you resolve your guilt. Transformational changework would be difficult at best until you resolve any burden of guilt or depression.

Goal Diagnosis: Recognize Consequences & Objections

You can define your goals while identifying and resolving your objections to your own success. As you sort out your objections, you fine-tune your goals as a basis for your subsequent Soulwork. (Otherwise simple changework strategies would take months instead of minutes.)

[ Mothers and Sons ] [ Fathers and Daughters ]

[ Predictable Partnership ] [ Children who Hate Dad ]

2. Integration - Resolve Conflicts and Identity

Some people are motivated to be happy - but have deep conflicts or an identity issue.

Resolve Conflicts

Each conflict that you resolve  is a step towards your integrity. Few conflicts are simple decisions - often a conflict is the tip of an emotional iceberg. (A transcript of a Soulwork Life Coaching session about deep conflict is here).

Resolve Identity Loss

You may have dissociated your sense of identity during abuse or trauma. We call this Lost Identity. You may also identify with another person (Dead Person Identification, Victim Identification or Hero Identification). (Resolving Identity Loss is taught in Soulwork 4.)

You may show identifications by sentences such as: "I have always ..." and "Since I was born ..."

[ Identifications ] [ Schizophrenia ] [ Addictions ]

Live with Integrity

The experience of integrity is a natural result of recovering your true identity, aligning your personality parts, and resolving identity loss.

You can identify your dependency and codependency bonds, and you can evaluate the consequences of ignoring these bonds. Unwanted bonds (E.g. “I feel bonded to an ex-partner. This feeling seems to stop me finding a new partner”) are changed. You can express integrity within any relationship.

[ Psychobiology of Soul ]

3: Relationship Bonds

Relationship bonds are "feelings of connection between people". For example, a "bond" to a past partner may prevent a person finding a new partner. Relationship Coaching helps you evaluate and dissolve unwanted relationship bonds.

[ Relationship Bonds ]

4: Evaluate Trauma

Traumatic experiences are normally associated with strong emotions that can sabotage important goals. (E.g. “I am overcome with sadness when I remember that event.”) The sources of such emotions include abuse and trauma.

Soulwork can help you rationalize trauma. On completion, you can find all emotions motivating. (E.g. “Sadness about my loss reminds me to make the most of my life”).

[ Soulwork, Trauma and PTSD ]

5: Evaluate Role Models

Role models are people from whom you have learned behaviors and attitudes. After dissolving trauma, you can choose whether to replace ineffective or toxic role models - and beliefs and behaviors that were inspired by them. You can choose which influences you want, and end unwanted behavior, in alignment with your desire for living a meaningful life.

6. Advanced Relationship Coaching

Soulwork Systemic Coaching includes Couple Coaching, Family Coaching and Team Coaching - coaching a couple, a family or a team simultaneously to evaluate and fine-tune their relationships, while finding ways to improve efficiency and communication. This includes leadership training.

Relationship Coaching ... Systemic Coach Training

Summary

Soulwork accepts you as you are and encourages you to explore your life choices, and the consequences of your choices, and to choose each “next step” with integrity.

[1] Somatic or psychosomatic disease - do symptoms disappear following a “non-medical” change in lifestyle (a change in work, relationships etc). Many physicians estimate that patients with psychosomatic symptoms outnumber those with “somatic” disease.

[2] Physical disease, trauma or surgery that has destroyed or removed non-renewable tissue is unlikely to be reversible. In these situations, Soulwork Systemic Coaching help improve a person’s emotional reactions to disease or impending death.