Do you want to manage negative emotions and solve relationship problems
Personal Development & Transformation
Useful steps towards transformation include finding a stable experience
of connectedness and using this experience to support a life that makes
We call this stable experience of connectedness
From a perspective of Soul, sorting out emotions, relationships,
beliefs and habits becomes relatively simple and straightforward.
Useful Steps in Personal Transformation
- Have you suffered enough to find your inspiration
to change your life?
- Are you motivated to solve problems - not just to
complain about them?
- Choose between short-term relief and lasting solutions. (Long-term
solutions require changes in lifestyle and relationships).
- Create a timetable. Ensure that your final goals are EXACTLY what you
want. Each step should be solution oriented, and include consequences.
- Explore the consequences of changes in your relationships to your
family, friends and co-workers. Most people want to reduce suffering.
See Dependent Relationships
- We help people manage guilt, mentor damage or depression. This is
time to check your relationships - especially with your families and past
partners. Are you "frozen" into your family's habits? We can help
old habits, clarify your relationships and find peaceful solutions to your
- Find and stabilize your experience of integrity (Soul) as a
basis for long-term transformation. Then you can restructure your
relationships, manage traumatic memories and choose inspirational role-models.
We help people find solutions for neurotic and addictive
behavior, such as compulsions, addictions, relationship habits
and emotional problems. We can also help people alleviate some
psychosomatic  symptoms, which occasionally
seems to accelerate the healing of disease .
We start with an interview in which we discuss goals
and problems. During this interview we and our clients determine whether our
coaching is appropriate for them and their goals. People who know
their goals, complaints, motivation and maturity can better decide if
they are ready and willing to change, and whether to invest time with us.
People in a crisis may be unable to focus on their goals. People in
crisis (e.g.: divorce; war; chronic pain; unwanted pregnancy; unemployment;
etc) often behave childishly and cannot focus on long-term goals.
Coaching people who are preoccupied with a crisis usually
requires that we try to help those people sort out crisis
first - or refer those people to appropriate professionals.
We can help you manage your emotions and solve relationship problems.
Then you can better fulfill your goals. If you carry guilt from having
betrayed, abandoned or hurt people, you may sabotage your success and
depress your happiness until you atone for the behavior ... or until
your discover that your guilt was just a mistake.
If you were damaged by previous mentorship or if your life lacks
sense, lasting changework would be difficult until you manage any
mentor damage or depression.
Goal Diagnosis: Recognize Consequences & Objections
Motivated people can define their goals while resolving their
objections to their own success. As you sort out your objections,
you can improve or fine-tune your goals. (Otherwise - simple changes
could take months instead of minutes.) For example, you may want
to be happy - but your inner conflicts or limiting beliefs
prevent you from achieving your goal.
Mother - Son Problems
. Father - Daughter Issues
. Children who Hate Dad
1. Resolve Guilt and Conflicts
We perceive guilt to be a type of conflict,
and resolving a conflict is often a step towards integrity. Few conflicts
are simple decisions - more often a conflict is just a tip of an
emotional iceberg. (See this transcript about coaching people with
2. Resolve Identity Loss
Some people lose part of their sense of identity during abuse
or trauma. We call this identity loss. They may identify with
other people (identification).
They may show identifications by sentences such as:
"I have always ..." or "Since I was born ...".
(We teach resolving identity loss in Systems
We use the term relationship bonds to refer to feelings of connection
that often show up as fixed limiting beliefs. People bonded to past partners
(see emotional incest) or missing siblings,
for example, may feel unable to live life fully. We help people change limiting
beliefs and relationship bonds.
Strong emotions that can sabotage important goals are usually associated
with traumatic experiences . (E.g. “I am overwhelmed with sadness when I
remember that event.”) The sources of negative emotions often include abuse.
We help people rationalize or assimilate trauma, after which they find the
once-disturbing emotions to be motivating. (E.g. “Sadness
about my loss now reminds me to make the most of my life”). See
Trauma and PTSD
Role models are people from whom other people can learn behaviors and attitudes.
After dissolving guilt and trauma, people can choose whether to replace ineffective
or toxic role models - and any damaging beliefs and unwanted behaviors that were
inspired by them (mentor damage).
Choose which influences you want to keep,
unwanted behavior, in alignment with your desire for life.
We help people resolve emotional and relationship issues
Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy
Notes on Disease
or psychosomatic? - Do symptoms disappear following a non-medical
change in lifestyle (a change in diet, home, relationships etc). Many
physicians have told us that their patients with psychosomatic
symptoms outnumber those patients with somatic diseases.
 Physical disease, trauma or surgery that has
destroyed or removed non-renewable tissue is unlikely to be reversible.
In these situations, we help people manage their negative emotional
reactions to disease, disability or impending death.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
1997-2017 All rights reserved