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Soulwork Solutions for Stress

Relationship Coaching ... Systemic Coach Training

We present interactive seminars and demonstration-rich workshops on systemic coaching, relationship happiness, resolving family chaos and relationship stress. Email us if you would like a workshop in your area.

Are you Stressed?

Stress is a fact of life. You either deal with it - or you deal with its unpleasant consequences. Supportive relationships, effective planning, regular exercise and a healthy diet are amongst the best solutions; and psychoactive drugs show that sometimes a cure can be worse than a problem.

Stress-reduction workshops are useful; they provide assessments, information about the consequences of stress and relaxation techniques. However, in less than a month, few people use the information, and in less than three months most of it is ignored or forgotten.

Stress-reduction can help you have a peaceful space for long-term systemic stress relief, by providing a period of emotional stability in which you can resolve your issues.

 [ Stress Disorders ] [  Learning Disabilities ] [ Parental Alienation ]

Managing Emotions

People often withhold emotions that, if expressed, could create problems within a family. Withholding emotions increases stress. Much stress is not a result of the quantity of work, or circumstances, but from withholding emotions that may not be expressed. Such emotions usually represent a desire to balance justice and injustice within a family system.

The emotions that most often contribute to stress are anger, sadness, fear and guilt. If a person expresses these emotions - a person may act irrationally, and damage people, objects or self. If a person suppresses these emotions, these withheld emotions are associated with chronic disease, heart attacks and relationship problems. Solutions are not found at the level of the problem.

Short Term Solutions

Common solutions for controlling emotions include distractions (TV, videos, gambling, etc), sport activities (gym, aggressive games, jogging), psychoactive medications (including nicotine, alcohol and caffeine) and dissociation (self-hypnosis and suggestion). The resulting emotional control is usually short-term, and continued use may result in obsessive or addictive behavior. Longer term resolution of withheld emotions requires a different type of intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence

The chaotic expression of unexpressed emotions can damage both personal and professional lives. When unexpressed emotions are finally expressed - they may result in criminal violence, suicide, agoraphobia, chronic depression, split personality or nervous breakdown.

Even infinite coaching is unlikely to do more than dissociate emotions. Long-term solutions require that justice be perceived, and/or that underlying systemic entanglements be diagnosed and changed.

Systemic Coaching

Systemic Coaching uses diagnostic tools to assess the health and stability of individuals, couples, families and/or families. Three diagnostic tools are:

  1. Relationship Diagnosis: assessing relationships and consequences of past relationships
  2. Trauma Diagnosis: assessing current consequences of significant emotional events
  3. Goal Diagnosis: assessing current consequences of future expectations and goals

Results of these diagnostic tests can be cross-checked to ensure accuracy and relevance.

Relationship Diagnosis

To better assess and predict relationship behavior, we use a sophisticated diagnostic tool, a systemic matrix. A systemic matrix refers to the collective perceptions of a relationship system, from multiple perceptual positions. A systemic matrix allows rapid diagnosis and changework planning.

Dissolving systemic entanglements leads to a profound sense of peace and integrity - a sense of self, sense of family, sense of mission and sense of life - for long periods. This sense of integrity is available for all responsible individuals, couples or families.

[ Psychobiology of Integrity ] [ Schizophrenia ] [ Depression ]

Systemic Entanglements

Systemic entanglements are both the cause and effect of relationship patterns. The consequences of systemic entanglements include conflicts, accidents, illness and death. However, only motivated and responsible people can effectively use this information.

Parents who can recognize the following behaviors can predict children's problems, get help early and protect a family from the consequences of emotional chaos.

Children and irresponsible adults may only excuse, blame, complain and justify their entangled behavior. Appropriate solutions include therapeutic metaphors or systemic interventions. However, most people will suffer before they seek help. For many people, suffering is a step towards health.

Identity Loss

People in a system are alert to justice, and respond in predictable ways to perceived injustice. Their responses will reflect family's history and parental style, and the examples set by older family members. A common response to injustice include short or long-term identity loss:

  • Cannot express own life choices (Identification)
  • Cannot make decisions without deep conflict (Identity Conflict)
  • Cannot describe, feel or express emotions (Lost Identity)
  • Cannot change behavior (Identity Bonds)

Identifications

A member of a family may identify with another member who is perceived as treated unjustly. Some common identifications have predictable sets of symptoms, with a range of severity:

  • Victim identification: chronic anger, suspicion and possibly external violence
  • Displaced person identification: chronic sadness, melancholy and possibly suicide
  • Hero identification: chronic fear, anxiety attacks and possibly agoraphobia
  • Dependent identification: chronic guilt, self-sabotage and possibly chronic depression

People with identifications may present seemingly unpredictable emotional outbursts, although a search for the emotional triggers often indicates the type of identification and a method for its resolution. In extreme cases, a person loses emotional control and may be diagnosed as psychotic.

Identity Conflict

A person may simultaneously identify with two parents who treat each other unjustly. We call this Identity Conflict. A common description is "split personality". A person with identity conflict is often untrustworthy, with behavior oscillating between different polarities. A decision or promise made by one polarity may be forgotten or ignored by the other.

One side of identity conflict may be super-rational and the other immature. Attempts to dissociate (cut off) a disliked polarity tend to increase the conflict. A person who develops amnesia of the polarity changes may be diagnosed with bipolar disorder or multiple personality disorder.

Lost Identity

A person may lose the ability to describe emotions, and then to feel emotions, and later lose sense of self. We call this Lost Identity; and a common description of the maximal case is nervous breakdown. Most people with Lost Identity can still function (in a robot-like manner), which may be an advantage in situations requiring compliance and prompt obedience.

Identity Bonds

People who stay in a relationship or family system despite having good reasons to leave are often emotionally bonded. Typical identity bonds manifest as helplessness and hopelessness - with beliefs such as "I must do as I am told" or "I cannot leave". This behavior is typical in people who dislike their family or despise their work or a relationship, yet cling to it. See Exit Coaching

Soulwork Systemic Coaching

Systemic Coaching can provide prompt relief and, if actualized as relationship changes, lasting benefit for those people who want to participate in healthy relationships. It provides insights into how people integrate and express justice, love and bonding contributes to the life journeys of individuals and to the survival of families. These insights provide and increase a profound sense of justice and dignity, kindness and compassion, humility and connectedness.

Relationship Coaching ... Systemic Coach Training

Copyright © 2001-2003 by Martyn Carruthers. All rights reserved.


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Systemic Coaching ... Systemic Coach Training ... Your Next Step

  • For more information about Systemic Solutions email: Systemic Solutions for Relationship Management and Strategic Planning

  • Click here for: Home-Study Program in Systemic Coaching

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  • All material on this website is copyright © 2001-2006 by Martyn Carruthers. All rights reserved. Commercial use is prohibited. Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium is permitted with the express written permission of Martyn Carruthers. This material may be freely linked to by other electronic text. For more information, contact Jan Sikorski at +48 (22) 733 0357