Do you want to resolve emotional and relationship issues quickly?
Are you Stressed?
Stress is a fact of life. Deal with stress - or you deal
with its consequences. Effective solutions for stress include supportive
relationships, good planning, regular exercise and a healthy diet.
But some quick fixes are worse than the problems - many people take
drugs to try to solve the stress of unhealthy relationships.
Stress-reduction workshops are useful for assessing stress
and providing information about relaxation
techniques. However, after a few weeks, most people stop
using the information; and in less than three months, it is mostly ignored
or nearly forgotten.
We help people enjoy long-term stress relief, by helping people enjoy a period of emotional
stability in which they can manage or plan to manage stressful issues.
Resolve Negative Emotions
Many people withhold emotions that, if expressed, would
create problems. But withholding emotions, even pleasant ones, usually increases stress. Most stress is not a
result of work or circumstances, but of withheld emotions.
The emotions that seem to most often contribute to
stress are anger, sadness, anxiety and guilt, although hiding happiness or
affection can also be stressful. People who feel strong emotions may act irrationally
and some will hurt themselves or other people, or damage things. Suppressed emotions
are often associated with
disease symptoms, heart attacks, obsessions, compulsions and relationship problems.
Short Term Solutions for Emotional Stress
Commonly used solutions for controlling emotions
include distractions (TV, videos, gambling, etc), sports
(gym, aggressive games, jogging), medications (including nicotine, alcohol and caffeine) and
dissociation. Such emotional
control is short-term, and continued use may result in obsessive behavior. Longer term resolution requires a different type of intelligence.
Emotional Intelligence and Stress
Negative emotions can damage
both personal and professional lives. When the emotions are finally
expressed - the results can include violence, suicide, depression or nervous breakdown. Long-term solutions require that underlying systemic entanglements
be diagnosed and changed.
Coaching after Stress
Common Consequences of Severe Stress
- Hyper vigilance
- Sleeping difficulties
- Fear or panic attacks
- Avoids similar situations
- Irritability and angry outbursts
- Lack of focus or concentration
- Flashbacks - disturbing memories
- Distressing dreams or nightmares
We assess relationship health and emotional stability
of individuals, couples, families and/or families.
Three of our most-used diagnostic tools are:
- Goal Diagnosis: assessing future expectations and resistance
- Trauma Diagnosis: assessing consequences
of significant emotional events
- Relationship Diagnosis: assessing relationships
and consequences of past relationships
We cross-check the results of these diagnostic
tests to ensure accuracy and relevance.
To better assess and predict relationship behavior,
we use a diagnostic tool which
assesses the collective perceptions of a relationship system, from
multiple perceptual positions, over time. Our systemic matrix allows
rapid diagnosis of relationship issues and greatly assists
creating a realistic timeline for desired changes.
Dissolving relationship problems leads to a profound
sense of peace and integrity - a sense of self, sense of family, sense of
mission and sense of life - for extended periods. This sense of integrity or
Soul is available to all responsible people.
Psychobiology of Integrity . Depression .
Systemic entanglements are both the cause and effect of relationship
problems. The consequences of entanglements include conflicts, accidents,
illness and death. We help responsible people to change their relationship entanglements.
Immature adults may only excuse,
blame, complain and justify their entangled behavior. However,
most people will suffer before they seek help. For many people,
suffering is a step towards health.
Parents who recognize the symptoms of identity loss can predict problems, get
help early and protect their families from the consequences of relationship
Most people are alert to justice, and respond in
predictable ways to perceived injustice. Their responses will reflect their family's history, and the examples set by
family members. A common response to injustice includes identity loss:
- Cannot change behavior (Identity Bonds)
- Cannot express own life choices
- Cannot describe or express emotions
- Cannot make decisions without conflict
1. Identifications & Injustice in Systems
A family member may identify with
another family member who was perceived as being treated unjustly (by the
common identification has a few predictable sets of symptoms,
each with a range of severity:
- Identification with a Hero: fear,
anxiety and possibly agoraphobia
- Identification with a Victim: anger,
suspicion and possibly violence
- Identification with a Dead Person: sadness, melancholy and possibly suicide
- Identification with a Dependent: guilt,
self-sabotage and possibly depression
People with identifications may present seemingly unpredictable emotional
outbursts, although a search for the emotional triggers often indicates the type
of identification and a systemic solution.
2. Identity Conflict
A person simultaneously identifies with two people, we call this Identity
Conflict. A more common description is split personality. The behavior of
with identity conflict often oscillates
between two polarities. A decision or promise made in one polarity
may be forgotten, ignored or disdained by the other.
Attempts to dissociate (cut off) a
disliked polarity tends to increase a minor conflict into conflicting
3. Lost Identity
Some people lose the ability to describe
emotions, and later to feel emotions. While dissociation describes
short-term cases, we refer to long-term cases as Lost Identity. Other terms
sometimes used to describe severe cases are nervous
breakdown and mental breakdown.
Most people with Lost Identity can function although perhaps somewhat robot-like, which may be an advantage in situations requiring compliance
and obedience. (Military training often produces identity loss
as it develops compliant and obedient killers.)
4. Relationship Bonds
People in unhealthy relationship systems are often emotionally bonded to each
other. Some unpleasant bonds manifest as codependence, including helplessness or hopelessness - with
limiting beliefs such as "I cannot leave". This is typical in people
who dislike certain relationships, yet feel that they cannot leave. See
Our sessions helped me find myself again.
The more I could appreciate dignity, justice
and compassion, the more my partner and children seemed
to become kinder and more tolerant. Boston
Contact us to resolve emotional and relationship
Online Coaching, Relationship Counseling & Systemic Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © 2001-2017 by
Martyn Carruthers. All rights reserved.