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The Relationship Coaching Institute

Daddy's Princess - Mother's Rebel

Advanced Systemic Solutions with Martyn Carruthers

Are you entangled in difficult relationships or painful emotions? Do you suffer from old trauma? Do you suffer from your parents' drama, your partner's demands, your boss's moods? Soulwork Systemic Solutions can help you untangle your life ... and you can help people reclaim their freedom.

Emotional Incest

Many teenage girls experience the consequences of a father-daughter-mother triangle in which the father's over-expressed love for the daughter motivates the mother to reject both daughter and father. They are survivors of emotional incest - adult children of parents who inappropriately loved their children ... see Daddy's Princess and Mother's Little Prince. This true story is about an extreme case.

Troubled Teenagers

My father loves me very much but my mother disapproves of everything. She rejects me and she calls me depressed and hyperactive and worse ... I don't know what I did to hurt her - and I hurt too ... no matter how much sex, booze or grass, my hurt comes back ... when I'm alone, I cry and scream. Sometimes I cut or burn myself. Pain helps calm me feel calm ... for a while. I'm 17 years old and already I have no future.

Teenage girls who feel rejected by their mothers react in many predictable ways. In more extreme cases they may ...

  • be very thin - sometimes anorexic
  • dye their hair in multiple colors
  • prefer garish make-up - often shades of purple
  • have self-inflicted piercings with unusual studs
  • have red or white scars on their wrists and forearms
  • have cuts or cigarette burns on their arms
  • use or have used illegal drugs heavily
  • take prescription anti-depressants
Two months ago I tried to kill myself by drinking cleaning fluid. But my best friend phoned the police. When the hospital saw my wrists, they knew I'd tried to kill myself before. They gave me anti-depressants and a suicide watch. At least they cared that much.

A common solution for depression is medication. The more expensive anti-depressants are SSRI - selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors such as Zoloft, Prozac or Paxil. These drugs increase serotonin in the brain.

Common Side Effects of SSRI Anti-Depressants

  • Headaches
  • Drowsiness
  • Tremors
  • Nausea
  • Upset stomach
  • Diarrhea
  • Heavy sweating
  • Disturbed sleep
  • Decreased libido

Many older and cheaper anti-depressants are MAOI or MonoAmine Oxidase Inhibitors, with worse side effects. MAO inhibitors such as Nardil, Parnate and Marplan may be prescribed when other drugs fail. For side effects of MAOI anti-depressants ... visit Side Effects of MAOI.

Ritalin, an amphetamine, is a drug of choice prescribed for hyperactivity and attention deficit disorders. Side effects associated with Ritalin include irritability or anger and loss of appetite.

Many depressed survivors of emotional incest medicate themselves with alcohol, nicotine and illegal drugs. You may call these people addicts - we hear their silent screams for help.

Attachment Disorders & Relationship Bonds

Emotional incest is associated with attachment disorders and relationship bonds that can affect all aspects of life. Soulwork coaching offers solutions for:

  • Behavior: defiant, impulsive, destructive, lies and steals, aggressive and abusive, hyperactive, self-destructive, cruel, irresponsible
  • Emotions: intense anger, sadness, depressed, hopeless, moody, anxious, irritable
  • Thoughts: limiting self-beliefs, poor friendship skills, attention and learning problems
  • Relationships: no trust, controlling, manipulative, unstable relationships, victimizer
  • Physical: poor hygiene, accidents, dissociated, depressed, hyperactive
  • Moral/Spiritual: lack of compassion, remorse, meaning, identifies with darkness

Medication is the common way to manage (not cure) these symptoms. Medication is not the only way - but may be the easiest way to manage symptoms. Systemic coaching offers long-term solutions.

Teenage Sex

Last year I started having sex with my 37 year old social worker. He told me that he could teach me about sex. He is gentle. He has other young girls - he said he doesn't want a girl over 18. He wants two or three girls together but I said no to that.

Sexual intercourse with many partners increases the risk of pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases and damaged reproductive health. Studies show that girls who start having sex at young ages often have many sexual partners. Also, teenage girls who have sex with more than one partner over a few weeks are more likely to smoke, drink alcohol, use illegal drugs and / or sniff glue.

These behaviors are likely to hurt a girl's health, education, sport abilities, future partnership and / or future children, unless the behaviors are assimilated and any trauma or guilt dissolved.

I know lots of girls like me but my best friend is more stable. We sometimes sleep together ... people call us bisexual but our boyfriends say its OK. We go to a girl's boarding school ... some days its more like a psychiatric hospital for rich girls. Not many of us will go to university unless our parents bribe somebody.

Medication is not the only way. Soulwork systemic coaching can resolve relationship entanglements. But few people can imagine that effective resolution is possible in short time frames.

[ Individual Coaching . Couple Coaching . Family Coaching ]

Systemic Solutions

People who were abandoned or rejected by parents may become emotional or trance-like if asked about their goals. They may be diagnosed with Depression, Bipolar Disorder or Schizophrenia. They may

  • be unable to specify goals
  • avoid finishing projects
  • offer endless excuses for their behavior
  • express anxiety and strong emotions
  • distract themselves with obsessions

Reading your article brought flashbacks of my walk on the wild side ... fortunately I was not so creative in my self-destruction. I found some healthy mentors and:
* I changed my values and beliefs about who controls my life
* I avoided unfriendly environments and considered seclusion
* I enjoyed the therapeutic roles of nature and a dog named Gigi
* I decided that my life is sacred and that I deserve to be here

I was sick and tired of suffering. I took responsibility for my life and found better options than being a victimizer, victim or helper! MB Zagreb Croatia

Soulwork Systemic Solutions can help you find rapid relief from the consequences of emotional incest or physical abuse. Soulwork offers an integrated coaching system that helps people resolve relationship and emotional problems.


Do you want relationship coaching or systemic coach training? We train people to coach individuals, partners and teams to resolve a wide range of emotional and relationship challenges.


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The Relationship Coaching Institute
 
 
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Europe: Trnsko 13A, 10020 Zagreb, Croatia
For Systemic Solutions, email us at

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+1 808 328 9570

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+1 905 664 8844

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+38 591 881 2682

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Workshop

Systemic Coach Training  (Calendar)

Systems 1 How to evaluate relationship dynamics and recognize common entanglements
Systems 2 How to define life goals, identify blocks, resolve objections & plan for success
Systems 3 How to provide or continue goalwork using interactive metaphors and Dreamwork
Systems 4 How to dissolve the consequences of abuse and trauma, and rebuild motivation
Systems 5 How to change limiting beliefs and codependence for emotional freedom
Systems 6 How to recognize and resolve identity loss: recover lost qualities and lost skills
Systems 7 How to resolve therapist or spiritual damage and provide inspirational mentorship
Systems 8 How to coach partners to build lasting happiness and avoid partnership breakdown
Systems 9 How to coach parents to resolve family problems and to set and enjoy family goals
Systems 10 How to coach team leaders to develop teams while solving team problems
Specialty Advanced workshops and specialty training tailored to fulfill your goals and needs

Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2009 All rights reserved. These Systemic Solutions were primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We coach and train people to succeed by solving emotional and relationship problems. This information is for your general knowledge only. Please consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. Link to our pages, but get Martyn's written permission to post or publish his work.

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