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Thoughtforms & Relationship Bonds
This is based on my article, Thoughtforms, which was published by NLP
World in March 1995. Here I summarized some the subjective experience of
limiting identity beliefs and its applications in relationship
Relationship bonds refer to a subjective experience of
connection between people, with the sense that people
can lose both freedom and identity in relationships. A Thoughtform refers to a
kinesthetic image schema representing a relationship bond to a significant
person as a limiting "identity" belief.
Relationship Bonds & Self Sabotage
History of Thoughtforms
People once believed that mental and physical
diseases were caused by unseen malign influences. Our ancestors blamed nature
spirits, demons, esoteric elements and many other entities. Moreover,
they created elaborate systems to explain, defend against and control these
malignant forces, and to protect people from their influence.
Although these ideas nearly became extinct during the industrial revolution,
they re-emerged within many modern movements. Many esoteric, New Age and
philosophies refer to malevolent dark entities and shapes that may cause
mental, physical and relationship problems.
Phineas Quimby, an American healer of the last century,
was credited with healing thousands of people. Quimby wrote that physical disease
was a result of mistaken beliefs, and that mistaken beliefs were represented in a
person's mind as horrific images. He described ways to change these
"mistaken beliefs" - but his fame as a faith healer ensured that his
words were not heeded by professionals.
Quimby's work was distorted as a basis for both
Christian Science (founded by Mary Eddy - a student of Quimby) and the
New Thought Movement (founded by Julian Dresser - Quimby's friend and editor),
from which the popular Positive Thinking movement emerged.) Read,
if you are interested and tenacious, "The Quimby Manuscripts".
See Quimby - Model of a Healer
As a person's self-image changes with context, we map self-image
onto the context of a desired goal. We coach people to access "future"
meta-positions that represent an experience of integration. From these future
meta-positions, we ask people to describe their current reality. These
descriptions may include formidable representations, such as black demons,
gray animals and implements of bondage.
Some images are connected to unwanted behaviors, or the
lack of certain abilities. Typical unpleasant images include "a
gray snake that makes me ..." or "a black chain around my
legs that stops me ..."
These shapes seem to be associated with locations of physical disease - a
person might report seeing a dark whirlpool
or a black creature connected to a diseased body part. Such experiences
can be readily utilized to create effective coaching strategies. Our
coach training describes these models and applications.
Creation of Thoughtforms
Thoughtforms appear to be emotional bonds between people -
holding people together - even people who might otherwise avoid each other.
People often comment about "dark chains"
or "black ropes" connecting themselves to other people.
We repeatedly find that Thoughtforms are normally associated
with beliefs that were accepted by the
person at a time when a person was resourceless and an important person
communicated (verbally or non-verbally) a limiting belief ABOUT the client.
A simple example might follow a child breaks something important. An angry parent might shout,
"You are so STUPID, just like your <other parent>!" to the child.
A resourceless child may accept this idea as a belief - and as a way of bonding
to the parent. Thereafter, the child may interpret feedback to support
a belief that he or she
is stupid. (See Parental Alienation)
We often find bonds
installed by health professionals. If an aboriginal shaman "casts a
spell" at a tribe member, there are many descriptions of the victim
becoming ill in the prescribed time. When a health professional
"casts a diagnosis" at a client, there may be a similar
effect. (See Mentor Damage)
Many of our clients
are therapists, and we have found that they can accept Thoughtforms from
clients. For example, a therapist may feel resourceless as a client blames
the therapist for poor performance. Some clients have
effective hypnosis skills and install limiting beliefs in resourceless
Extent of Thoughtforms
Thoughtforms may be
visual, auditory and/or kinesthetic and can operate at many levels. I use
Gregory Bateson's concept of logical types to evaluate the impact of a
Thoughtform on a person's life. It is usually enlightening for a person to
discover what actions, beliefs, values, identity and visions were accepted from
or connected to other people.
It seems that Thoughtforms are often associated with physical symptoms. When
helping people who use psychosomatic signals, a priority is often to change the
need for them. I assume that dark areas represent parts of the body over which the unconscious mind has
limited control, and that this is detrimental to health. I assume that a
complete and bright self-image is a prerequisite for long-term good health.
Books about manipulation often include directions for
covertly installing beliefs in other
people, without their request nor permission. Many hypnotists boast
of such skills. This was once called black magic.
Mystical cures (exorcism etc) often create dependence
on a shaman, magician or priest! Nothing is learned by a person on how they
gained their beliefs and obsessions, and little is done to prevent recurrence.
This may generate repeat business, as people often blame
themselves for their predictable relapses and problems!
I teach what I called Bondwork to people who can
demonstrate excellence at systemic diagnosis and goal definition.
I have trained many therapists and psychologists, who report that they
can achieve effective long-term change in a fraction of their
previous time, AND that they have more energy at the end of a working day. See
Ecology is the Study of Congruence
The key to effective changework are congruent goals. Without a
congruent goal, changework will likely have short term or unpleasant effect. When
clients learn about their acceptance of another person's influence, they can choose
to prevent recurrence and focus on their goals, choosing exactly what resources,
goals and visions they want.
Do you want to manage emotional problems and relationship problems?
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Counseling for Results
I was fortunate enough to study with several native
Hawaiian elders and healers, mostly on Hawaii's Big Island. This excerpt
summarizes how some native Hawaiian healers perceived and
resolved what I have since called relationship bonds.
Excerpt from: The Kahuna Religion of Hawaii by Kahuna Daddy
61. Using makaikei (psychic sight), a kahuna
analyses thoughtforms created by distorted emotions and thoughts of chronic
mental poisoning. Thoughtforms may appear as separate beings, but are more
similar to forms that appear in dreams. When habitual, they act as vampires
drawing off life force of a person. They have no reality in themselves.
62. The method of dispelling harmful thoughtforms
is much like the techniques of analyzing positive and negative emotions. A
kahuna leads a person to self-awareness by discovering the roots of
thoughtforms, how they function, and why they are clung to. Then a person
can decide to let go of a thoughtform and choose another attitude of mind
and emotion, hence a new way of action. The method for doing this is gained
only through experience, since each person is different.
63. Sometimes thoughtforms are projected upon a
person by another. The relationship with a person is the same. A thoughtform
must be exposed as an unreal appearance. If a thoughtform was accepted
unconsciously, then a kahuna must find the weakness in the person that
corresponds to the thoughtform. If a thoughtform was accepted consciously,
for example, in connection with the expectations of parents or partner, then
a kahuna must discover why a person does not want to live his own life but
conform to the demands of someone else.
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Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © 1995-2018
Martyn Carruthers All rights reserved