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Transferences & Transference Loops - 2
Solve Relationship Problems Martyn Carruthers

Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

Do you react to some people as if they were someone else?

Continued from: Transferences & Transference Loops - Part 1

Transference is an unconscious redirection of feelings from one
person to another. Sigmund Freud, over a hundred years ago,
was the first to perceive and acknowledge its importance
for understanding emotions and predicting behavior.

Rapport, Transference & Compliance

Have you met a stranger and immediately liked and trusted that person? Were your warm feelings a result of the influence of a positive transference?

Have you met a stranger and felt an immediate dislike to that person. Did this person remind you of some problematic person ... a negative transference?

Such interactions typically reveal one of six common transferences.
But any transference, positive or negative, can increase confusion.

If a person reminds you of someone you like - including yourself - you may trust that person without evidence of sincerity, honesty or integrity. People trained in rapport and compliance skills, as taught in many sales trainings and seduction courses, can influence you by matching or mirroring your own non-verbal body language.

Some people unconsciously mirror other people. I recall interviewing a woman and noticing
that she compulsively mirrored my every move. I gradually leaned more and more
to one side ... and she nearly fell off her chair!

If you are influenced by a positive transference, you may feel an unusual pleasant feeling or inappropriate rapport. Then you become more likely to agree with whatever that person tells you. However, as that sense of rapport fades, you may feel manipulated, betrayed or abused - or you may try to cling to that person.

Managing Transferences

Although helping professionals may not consciously recognize or avoid transferences with their clients, they can lessen the potential damage caused by them:

  1. avoid social relationships with current or recent clients
  2. avoid professional relationships with friends or family members
  3. never suggest, offer nor allow an intimate relationship with a client
  4. read 3. again - if you prefer to avoid relationship chaos in your life

If you feel attracted to (or repelled by) a person, you can discuss your professional rules before you start work. If you suspect that either you or a client may have a transference with each other, you can discuss what behaviors are appropriate before the emotional temperature rises higher.

Sometimes, the road to hell seems to be paved with transferences.

Solve Relationship Problems by Dissolving Transferences

When I notice a transference, I may educate a client about transferences, or I may offer to find out to whom the transference is associated and dissolve it. I teach coaches and counselors how to dissolve transference loops between partners in our Couple Coaching trainings, between family members on our Family Development trainings and between team members on our Team Trainings.

After reading your article on transferences, I was shocked to notice just how many of my clients see me as a mother figure. I also realized that this is part of how I attracted and kept clients. If I let clients cling to me ... if I let them use me as a substitute for Mom ...
and I subtly encouraged them to behave like hurt children.

Transferences in Coaching, Counseling & Therapy

People often react more to body language than verbal logic, and to the emotional reactions and intuited interpretations of this nonverbal communication. This can trigger strong emotions which may motivate inappropriate friendships, intimacy or fights.

Many couples and other partners create core transference loops. When a core loop is activated, both partners may lose resources, with unpleasant consequences. We help people recognize and find solutions for such doubled transferences.

Long-term dissolution of core transference loops is more complex. A common example is that a woman perceives her male partner as a son, and the man perceives his wife as a substitute for his mother. The results are both commonplace and devastating, and often seem to trigger extra-marital affairs and painful divorces.

Your couple coaching helped us evaluate our core values and goals, and the type of marriage we both wanted. You helped us transcend personal advantages and sexual attraction - you reminded us that we are both real human beings with real dreams of happiness.

We help couples befriend and manage their emotions and to build the skills, supportive beliefs and values needed for long-term partnership and parenthood. you and your partner can benefit by resolving the underlying causes of ...

Emotional Maturity

If you attend our couple counseling training, you may not look at couples the same way again. You will see much well-intentioned hurt and the consequences of abuse, betrayal and ignorance on whole families. And you can develop your maturity as you untangle people's emotions and relationships.

Transferences are unconscious ties - and unconscious lies.
We can help you recognize and change them!

Contact us to manage your emotions and solve relationship problems

Online Life Coaching, Relationship Counseling & Systemic Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2001-2018
All rights reserved

Transferred References

* Heinrich Racker : "Transference and Counter-Transference", International Universities Press, 2001
* Harold Searles: Countertransference and related subjects; selected papers., New York, International Universities Press, 1979
* Margaret Little: Transference Neurosis and Transference Psychosis, Jason Aronson; 1993
* Nathan Schwartz-Salant : "Transference and Countertransference", Chrion, 1984 (Reissued 1992)

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Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email