Do you trust yourself? Do you trust any other people?
How do you choose who to trust - to do what?
We trust people to repeat whatever
they have done before.
Building, Using & Abusing Trust
Trust is often more important than love!
Building trust and then abusing
it is common in sales, negotiation and seduction.
Probably you want a good income and a wonderful partner.
Probably you want a happy family in a friendly community. Probably
you want to spend time with people you trust. Probably you do not
want people to gain your trust ... as a basis for
I was trained to lie from an early
age. I guess and say what people want to hear.
This habit was hard to change and you walked me through it.
Trust is usually based on a person's communication skills.
Yet you cannot not-communicate. You communicate whether you wish
to communicate or not. Every action that you make - or avoid making
- is communication. People perceive your behavior as communication,
and distort it through their perceptions - just as you sometimes
distort their behaviors and communications.
You can clarify your communication and your perception.
There is a story about two psychiatrists who met on the
street. One said, "Good to SEE you. How ARE you today?"
and the other just grunted. They then walked away, both focused on the
question, "What did he really mean by THAT?"
You learned to communicate before you could talk. You
communicated your pleasure or displeasure, your comfort and your discomfort,
your confusion and your needs. You have continued to use your basic
pre-verbal communication skills and you use them almost every moment.
You may not know just how much you communicate. You use
an enormous repertoire of nonverbal communication. You move your
face and make visible gestures. You also show many unconscious
movements - breathing shifts, skin tone changes and changes in
Your behavior is a book that people
can read - whether you want them to or not.
You use your body to communicate your pleasure
or displeasure, your comfort and your discomfort, your confusion and
your needs. You use your basic pre-verbal communication skills to show
your interest or disinterest, to invite people closer or to request
that people to leave you alone. And some people may read
you wrong. People may misinterpret your good intentions.
You probably follow cultural norms for your body language
that are appropriate for people of your gender, age and status
in your culture. Sometimes you may find that your body language
gets unexpected responses from people from people of the other
sex, of other ages and from other cultures.
However, if you are aware of body language and systemic
dynamics, you may better respond to employers, partners and friends etc
Books on body language are often misleading. Is it true that
if a woman points her toe at a man during a conversation she
wants to be intimate with him? Do folded arms mean that person
is 'closed'? Does a lowered brow and pursed
lips mean someone is annoyed? Or something else?
Consider signs of sexual attraction. Many people dilate
their pupils, flush and lean forward when they are attracted to someone.
They also do these things when they are interested in something, under
the influence of alcohol or remembering a fantasy.
Assuming that you know the meaning of people's behavior is
sometimes called mind reading. Few people can accurately recognize, interpret
and respond to nonverbal behavior. It is too easy to make mistakes.
Trust, Friendship & Love
You can ensure that your words and actions communicate
the same message. You can choose to be interested in people and what
they say. You can choose how you show that you care for the other
person. You can choose to find common interests and goals.
You can choose to change nonverbal objections and build
bridges of integrity in you relationships.
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I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
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