Soulwork Home Page

Check your spelling

Soulwork Online Help

Soulwork Humor: Funny stories


Soulwork Systemic Coaching: Summary

Soulwork Coach Training

Soulwork FAQ Questions & Answers


Emotional Issues
Anger & Rage

Eating Problems
Emotional Maturity
Grief & Loss
Inner Child

Pain Control
Stress Relief

Toxic Beliefs
Trauma & Stress
Weight Loss


Relationship Problems

Dissolve Conflicts
Emotional Blackmail

Enjoy Partnership
Evaluate Partners
Long-Distance Love
Love & Hate

Past Partners
Sexual Issues
Soul Mates


Family Challenges

Brothers & Sisters
Divorce & Children
Emotional Incest
Family Meetings
Family Secrets

Fathers & Daughters
Fathers & Sons
Learning Disorders
Mothers & Daughters
Mothers & Sons

Parental Alienation


Life Lessons
Bad Habits
Being Alone
Children's Challenges
Observing Feelings

Patterns in Love
Personal Growth
Quantum Leap
Self Esteem
Self Improvement
Self Intimacy
Stress & Relaxing
Therapist and Clients


Chaos Coaching

Inner Conflict
Expert Modeling
Learning Disorders

Sexual Abuse
Soul of Soulwork
Systemic Management
Therapist Abuse
Training Abuse



Interview with Martyn
Fee, Cost, Price

eXTReMe Tracker

Trust, Communication & Body Language
Martyn Carruthers

Online Life Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

Do you trust yourself? Do you trust any other people?
How do you choose who to trust - to do what?

We trust people to repeat whatever they have done before.

Building, Using & Abusing Trust

Trust is often more important than love!
Building trust and then abusing it is common in sales, negotiation and seduction.

Probably you want a good income and a wonderful partner. Probably you want a happy family in a friendly community. Probably you want to spend time with people you trust. Probably you do not want people to gain your trust ... as a basis for abusing you.

I was trained to lie from an early age. I guess and say what people want to hear.
This habit was hard to change and you walked me through it.

Trust is usually based on a person's communication skills. Yet you cannot not-communicate. You communicate whether you wish to communicate or not. Every action that you make - or avoid making - is communication. People perceive your behavior as communication, and distort it through their perceptions - just as you sometimes distort their behaviors and communications.

You can clarify your communication and your perception.

There is a story about two psychiatrists who met on the street. One said, "Good to SEE you. How ARE you today?" and the other just grunted. They then walked away, both focused on the question, "What did he really mean by THAT?"


You learned to communicate before you could talk. You communicated your pleasure or displeasure, your comfort and your discomfort, your confusion and your needs. You have continued to use your basic pre-verbal communication skills and you use them almost every moment.

You may not know just how much you communicate. You use an enormous repertoire of nonverbal communication. You move your face and make visible gestures. You also show many unconscious movements - breathing shifts, skin tone changes and changes in your voice.

Your behavior is a book that people can read - whether you want them to or not.

You use your body to communicate your pleasure or displeasure, your comfort and your discomfort, your confusion and your needs. You use your basic pre-verbal communication skills to show your interest or disinterest, to invite people closer or to request that people to leave you alone. And some people may read you wrong. People may misinterpret your good intentions.

Cultural Norms

You probably follow cultural norms for your body language that are appropriate for people of your gender, age and status in your culture. Sometimes you may find that your body language gets unexpected responses from people from people of the other sex, of other ages and from other cultures.

However, if you are aware of body language and systemic dynamics, you may better respond to employers, partners and friends etc

Books on body language are often misleading. Is it true that if a woman points her toe at a man during a conversation she wants to be intimate with him? Do folded arms mean that person is 'closed'? Does a lowered brow and pursed lips mean someone is annoyed? Or something else?

Consider signs of sexual attraction. Many people dilate their pupils, flush and lean forward when they are attracted to someone. They also do these things when they are interested in something, under the influence of alcohol or remembering a fantasy.

Mind Reading

Assuming that you know the meaning of people's behavior is sometimes called mind reading. Few people can accurately recognize, interpret and respond to nonverbal behavior. It is too easy to make mistakes.

Trust, Friendship & Love

You can ensure that your words and actions communicate the same message. You can choose to be interested in people and what they say. You can choose how you show that you care for the other person. You can choose to find common interests and goals.

You can choose to change nonverbal objections and build bridges of integrity in you relationships.

Do you want relationship coaching or coach training?
Contact us to manage emotional problems and relationship challenges

Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1999-2018
All rights reserved

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email