TRAINING  &  COACHING  for  MANAGERS & LEADERS

Case Histories

Trust, Communication & Body Language

Jan Sikorski

We present interactive seminars and demonstration-rich workshops on systemic coaching, happiness, resolving family chaos and relationship bonds. Email us if you would like a workshop in your area.

Trust

Probably you want a good income and a wonderful partner. Probably you want a happy family and a friendly community. Probably you want people to trust you.

People will trust you based on your ability to communicate. Yet you cannot not communicate. You communicate whether you wish to communicate or not. Every action that you make - or avoid making - is communication. People perceive your behavior as communication, and distort it through their perceptions - as you distort their behaviors and communications.

There is a story about two psychiatrists who met on the street. One said "Good to SEE you. How ARE you today?" and the other just grunted. They then walked away, both focused on a single thought - "What did he really mean by THAT?"

You can control the clarity of your communication, and you can clean up your perceptual filters.

Outgoing Communication

You learned to communicate before you could talk. You communicated your pleasure or displeasure, your comfort and your discomfort, your confusion and your needs. You have continued to use your basic pre-verbal communication skills and you use them almost every moment.

You may forget that you communicate so much. You use an enormous repertoire of nonverbal communication. You move your face and make visible gestures. You also show many unconscious movements - breathing shifts, skin tone changes and changes in your voice.

You are a book that interested people can easily read. Even if you try not to be read.

You use your body to communicate your pleasure or displeasure, your comfort and your discomfort, your confusion and your needs. You use your basic pre-verbal communication skills to show your interest or disinterest, to invite people closer or to invite people to leave you alone. And people may read you wrong. They may misinterpret your good intentions.

Cultural Norms

You probably use cultural norms for your body language that are appropriate for people of your gender, your age and your status in your culture. Sometimes you may find that your body language gets very different responses with people from the other sex, other ages and other cultures.

You can ...

• predict how people will behave and interact
• recognize people from other cultures by their body language
• appropriately respond to employers, partners and friends etc

Books on body language are often useless. Is it true that if a woman points her toe at a man during a conversation she wants to be intimate with him? Do folded arms mean that person is 'closed'? Does a lowered brow and pursed lips mean someone is annoyed? Or something else?

Consider signs of sexual attraction. Many people dilate their pupils, flush and lean forward when they are attracted to someone. They also do it when they are interested something, under the influence of alcohol, or remembering an interesting fantasy. Or when they are pretending to be attracted.

Mind Reading

Making assumptions about the meaning of people's behavior is called mind reading. We all do it, but some people can accurately recognize and interpret it. You can use body language to

• to build or reduce trust
• build trust with individual people
• build trust with group leaders
• build trust with audiences or classes

Trust, Friendship & Love

The easiest way to build trust? Ensure that your words and actions communicate the same message. The easiest way to build friendliness? Be fascinated by the person or what they are discussing. The easiest way to build love? Focus on how you can show that you care for the other person. Find ways to find common interests.