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Manage your Emotions to Manage your Weight
Filling the Inner Emptiness Martyn Carruthers

Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

Your weight also reflects your emotions and relationships,
and a multi-billion dollar junk food marketing programs.

While most people focus on their physical weight, health and their diets,
we can help you improve your mental, emotional and relationship health.

Weight-ing for Health?

Consider weight as a form of communication. Being underweight, overweight or obese sends messages that people do not or cannot otherwise express. See me! Love me! Help me! and Avoid me! are common examples of communication-by-weight. Your body weight indicates much more than your diet. What does your weight tell the world?

For example, overeating sweet food seems especially common amongst people who, as children, were rewarded with candies and chocolate by their parents. Many weight issues expose emotional benefits that seem to outweigh the health costs. See Eating Disorders and Obsessions & Compulsions.

We help people change obsessions and compulsions
into ordinary temptations.

Do you change your eating habits in a crisis? Do you respond to family or relationship problems with binge-eating or starvation? You are not alone.

Weight & Compliance

Overweight and underweight are often results of manipulation - by marketing, media, friends, colleagues and family members. Are you being pressured to eat or to diet to please other people's ideas?

  • "I made this just for you, so you must eat it!"
  • "If you don't eat this I will have to throw it away!"
  • "If you don't eat this - it means you don't love me!"
  • "If you don't lose some weight - our relationship is over!"

People in codependent relationships often try to control
each other's access to resources (e.g. money, transportation),
to substances (e.g. cigarettes, alcohol, drugs) and to food.

Do your family and friends support your choices?
Or do they try to control you?

What does the data say?

Happily married women gain an average of about 6 kilo (14 pounds) during 12 years of marriage, while unhappily married women gain about 20 kilo (42 pounds) in the same time. (Davis 1987)

A study found that 35% of women indicated that being overweight decreased their husband's jealousy, or reduced their own fears of having an affair (Felitti 1993).

Another study found that husbands may feel anxious about their wives' weight loss (Neil, Marshall and Yale 1978). See also: Sexual Issues and Sexual Solutions

Boundary Issues & Weight Loss

Boundary issues concern limits, rules, power games and victimization. Do you use your weight to set boundaries? Does your weight avoid your being victimized or controlled by other people? Examples are:

  • Your parents expressed love with food
  • You eat to feel full - not to satisfy hunger
  • You never learned to say "No!" to offered food
  • You or your partner become overweight to test your love
  • You or your partner become overweight to avoid sexual intimacy
  • Your were taught that "overweight = healthy" and "healthy weight = too thin"

Our online help can help you control your desire to eat by resolving emotional and relationship habits.

Weight Loss Strategies

Moving from an unhealthy weight to a healthy weight is not easy, fast nor convenient! In Western countries, refined starches and processed fats are so cheap and commonly available that if you insist on easy food - if you insist on fast food - and if you insist on convenient food - you may become overweight, or even get fatter! If you really want to lose weight, make your weight loss a real priority.

Assume that food companies want you to eat refined starches and processed fats. Assume that your government is powerless to stop them. Assume that you are the victim of years of psychological marketing and promotion and - probably - parental brainwashing. Assume that common diets will cause common health problems and common deaths (see hypertension.)

You are not alone. We can help you manage emotional entanglements
and relationship bonds that motivate eating disorders or prolong obesity.

Can you avoid foods with hydrolyzed vegetable starches (often called high fructose corn syrup or HFCS)? HFCS doesn't exist in nature. It is nearly impossible to avoid it as it is commonly used to increase the sales of processed foods that would be otherwise tasteless. Some scientists say that HFCS does not trigger a sense of fullness, and is a leading cause of obesity.

According to research by the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, high-fructose corn syrup began as an addition to animal feed to lower costs and to increase sale prices by increasing the weight of animals before slaughter. The animals would continue to eat beyond what they would normally eat without this additive, and gain excess weight. Wikipedia

Unless you're making a concerted effort to avoid it,
it's difficult to consume high-fructose corn syrup in moderation
- Time Magazine

First - manage your negative emotions and solve relationship problems. Then, switch your attention from what you put into your mouth to how you feel later. Some other strategies to help you lose weight are:

  1. Talk to your doctor
  2. Avoid canned drinks
  3. Eat fruit twice each day
  4. Sit down at a table to eat
  5. Eat leafy green vegetables
  6. Keep a food diary or journal
  7. Walk when you feel stressed
  8. Avoid anything in a cereal box
  9. Eat more fruits and vegetables
  10. Avoid junk food as if it is poison!
  11. Eat less meat and refined starches
  12. Have a sweet treat only once a week
  13. Drink many glasses of water each day
  14. Keep healthy snacks at home and at work
  15. Exercise or walk most days for 1 to 2 hours
  16. Forgive yourself - and make healthier choices
  17. Do not eat while reading or watching television
  18. Shop for food after eating, using shopping lists
  19. Forget fast results. Healthy weight loss is slow!
  20. Eat slowly - make meals last at least 20 minutes
  21. Eat fresh fruits and raw or lightly cooked vegetables
  22. Eat three meals and two or three planned snacks daily
  23. Aerobic exercise: at least 30 minutes three times weekly
  24. Minimize fat by baking, grilling, broiling, roasting or steaming
  25. Cook with a clear broth, nonstick cooking spray, wine or water
  26. Avoid food with added sugar (sucrose, fructose corn syrup, etc)
  27. Ask your friends and family to support your efforts to be healthy
  28. Alcohol stimulates appetite, slows metabolism and is full of calories!
  29. Stop eating before you feel full. Within 20 minutes you should feel fine
  30. Eat regular meals to increase your metabolism and burn more calories

Please consult your physician about medical conditions.

Online Life Coaching, Systemic Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2002-2018
All rights reserved.

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email