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Coaching Teenagers & Young Adults
From Idealism to Realism Martyn Carruthers

Online Life Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

Many young adults are enmeshed in their parents' and teachers' beliefs,
values and habits. Teenagers may feel torn between the desires of
their parents and the desires of their friends. We help people
untangle their emotions and solve relationship problems.

Teenagers . Troubled Teenage Girls . Coaching Children

Many young adults have idealistic and unrealistic ideas about independence. Teenagers often focus on freedom from parental and school restrictions, where they've often spent so many hours doing things they disliked.

Demands and criticism are not likely to motivate teenagers to enjoy their emerging maturity - and may cause many young people to remain immature.

Maturity - Past & Present

Perhaps maturity used to be simpler. Opportunities were fewer and required much less education. Childhood once ended with adolescence and most young adults followed their parent's footsteps. Teenage girls became wives and mothers while teenage boys participated in the family farming or trade, or went off to fight in some war.

Most young adults lived with their parents until they partnered. Often, even after choosing a partner, young adults lived with their parents until they could create a home of their own. Even then, they often stayed near other family members, giving each other emotional and practical support. And, in the West at least, life has changed.

Coaching Teenagers & Young Adults

We perceive young adults as people aged 16-24 years old, who are making decisions about values, and goals and life purpose. Our systemic life coaching can help young adults make these decisions, accept responsibility for their actions and learn from their successes ... and from their failures.

Active listening, provocation and reflecting are useful skills when coaching youths and teenagers. Our systemic coaching includes many other innovative and useful tools for young adults.

Relationship Counseling for Young Adults

Many teenagers obsess about games and sex. Young adults seek healthy potential partners who want to commit to partnership, and move on with adult lives. Mature young adults want healthy partnership and healthy children, yet they may not understand or believe that sexual attraction will fade.

Young adults often need coaching and mentorship on how to share relationship values, how to develop friendship and partnership goals and how to enjoy companionship.

Emotional Incest . Premarital Coaching . Emotional Maturity

Coaching Others is Coaching Self

Young adults can help each other through teenage emotions and passions. Relationships are a popular discussion topic for young adults especially about finding potential partners, how to maintain partnership and dealing with ex-partners. They can, perhaps during relationship break-ups or parental separations, acquire important social skills such as empathy and understanding, They can learn to coach themselves as they learn to coach others ... and to be coached by them.

Learning Disorders: ADD & ADHD

Learning disorders can delay maturity. Adolescents with attention deficit disorder often need 3 to 5 more years to mature than their less enmeshed friends and peers. Their paths to maturity are more likely have speed bumps; and they are more likely to need assistance moving from school to work.

Soulwork Coaching & Learning Disorders

Systemic Psychology & Success

Although success has many meanings, success for young adults seems to be whatever supports independence or indicates status. For children a bicycle and a private bedroom are practical symbols of limited independence. For young adults a cool automobile, an apartment and cool clothes are usually very important.

As committed partnership and a desire to parent children becomes stronger, whatever impresses people becomes more important. Beauty, wealth and power are powerful aphrodisiacs, and a lot of effort may be expended to have (or to pretend to have) these assets. Young adults seem especially susceptible to advertising, much of which is targeted at their pliable emotions.

People often borrow money they can't afford to pay back, to buy things they don't need, to impress people they don't like. Bank Manager, Fredericton, Canada

Especially after the birth of children, many young couples find themselves in debt, with incomes insufficient for their lifestyle. Some people become depressed, and some partners separate because of the gap between their finances and their dreams.

Do they go deeper into debt ... do they budget and live within their means ... or do they try to increase their income? After so many movies watching rich American teenagers, many young adults are trapped in get-rich-quick schemes - including illegal activities.

Explore Relationships

Most children consider their friends to be extremely important. Most teenagers consider potential boyfriends or girlfriends to be extremely important.

Here are some tools that we use to help young adults explore relationships:

  1. Try to understand each others' viewpoints.
  2. Note emotionally sensitive topics and habits.
  3. Reveal and describe your underlying emotions.
  4. Share feedback calmly, not in heated discussions.
  5. Recognize complaints, criticism, justifications and blame.
  6. Separate the content of messages from how they were communicated.
  7. Try to identify your values and find how each of you benefit from the problem.
  8. Are you more interested in blaming, punishing or winning than communicating?
  9. Interpret what each other has communicated. What may be missing or inferred?
  10. Stay with a problem, watch its dynamics without trying to change it.

Loving relationships are the path and the goal of of love;
and lasting love requires unusual clarity.
We help people build bridges across forever - bridges to integrity.

Contact us to manage negative emotions and solve relationship problems

Online Systemic Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers, 2003-2018
All rights reserved

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

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Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email