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Systemic Psychology & Relationship Diagnosis
Opening Pandora's Box Martyn Carruthers

Online Coaching, Counseling & Systemic Psychotherapy

People form human systems, and are rarely disconnected entities.

Human consciousness develops in human systems. Human consciousness
seems to be both general and local - every member has personal consciousness. Many people desire emotional stability and may honor, harm or sacrifice
other people to achieve this.

Clarify Emotions & Relationships

A useful psychotherapy would help people achieve their life goals, which usually includes relationship and emotional goals. Do you want a better life? Do you want better relationships? Do you want emotional freedom? Do you want to change something? We offer you support, structure, and accountability.

We hold that healthy relationships support healthy lives. Relationship problems seem to arise as an emergent property of systemic interactions, although individual members may be blamed. Our couple coaching and family counseling includes communication skills to increase cooperation and manage any desire to criticize or blame.

Commonly Heard during Family Counseling

First Partner: My partner is a psychopath and made my problems. I am a victim.

Other Partner: My partner is paranoid and blames me for everything. I am a victim.

Children: Our parents make us do what they want. We are victims.

We help people turn vague dreams into detailed plans, manage their emotions and dissolve blocks to success. We offer structure, support, reality checks and feedback to help people make decisions and take actions towards their goals. We help people resolve whatever stopped them moving ahead in their lives.

A systemic psychologist is part philosopher and part alchemist; part detective
and part shaman ... and in all parts practical.

Stopping What Stops You

We begin our systemic work by exploring your goals and creating an alliance to achieve them. We can help you evaluate your life, focus your next steps, move on and maintain momentum. You determine the agenda for each session. Perhaps you know what you want, or perhaps you want to explore interesting possibilities ...

Human relationship systems include their rituals, machines and toys.

Our Alliance

We can help you choose how much support you want on each step toward your goals. You know how you work. You know what may encourage or sabotage your success. You know what decisions you can make. Only you can take action and follow through.

We can stimulate you, challenge you, provoke you and support you. We can help you cross your 'finish line'. We can help you to define:

  1. your own individual goals
  2. the goals (expectations) of other people
  3. cooperative relationship problems (e.g. habits, conflicts)
  4. cooperative relationship goals (e.g. families, teams, communities)

Our counseling alliance evolves as we together discover what works best for you. Some questions can help design and build our alliance:

  1. Where you are now ?
  2. Where you want to be?
  3. What goals do you want to focus on?
  4. What will convince you of your success?
  5. When do you want to start the next step?

We do not tell you how your life should have been, or what you should have done. We help you define your goals and plans. We help you stay on track towards the life that you want.

We help you enjoy systemic success - exploring and increasing
the adaptability and survival potential of your relationships. Martyn


Our sessions may result in a breakthrough for you. Often, results come as a series of small changes in your habits and attitude, until you plan and take all your own steps. Although mistakes are one way to learn, we can help you limit mistakes.

Maybe you expect us to give you answers and magic tips? We help you develop control and responsibility. You know the rules you have lived by - and we can help you redefine and perhaps challenge your rules. As you gain clarity about your goals, you gain clarity about your actions.


We can help you evaluate how you are doing, what wastes time, your evidence for success and your future steps. We do expect you to take responsibility for your barriers, and to develop enough flexibility to pass them. As you express your desires, we may request homework.

Your homework is negotiable. You might say, "No, we won't start family meetings, but we'll find ways to have more romantic moments", and our alliance evolves. If you accept a task, we may hold you accountable for completing your task, and may nudge you a little.

Here's a simple example from our couple counseling.

Coach: Did you enjoy those romantic moments that were last week's homework?
Client: Partly - we found that we could enjoy intimate times before the kids wake up, and after they go to bed.
Coach: How do those intimate moments affect your partnership?
Client: It was strange ... I felt like a fumbling teenager!
Coach: Can we check your partnership skills?

Do you wait for some external kick to motivate you to take action? By agreeing to be accountable, we can set up expectations, deadlines, reality checks and feedback loops. And we will not avoid truth, even if the truth is not comfortable.

We can help you evaluate your current situation, the consequences of your past actions, your future goals ... and choose the most appropriate steps you can take.

Unrequested advice is often called criticism.
Most criticism is autobiography.

We can take you beyond procedures and techniques.
Contact us to resolve negative emotions and relationship problems.

Online Help: Counseling & Soulwork Therapy

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2004-2018
All rights reserved

If you like our work, please link to us. If you know someone who might benefit,
please mention or

For online help, email us at:

Soulwork systemic coaching in America & Hawaii


Soulwork systemic coaching in England, Wales & Scotland

Soulwork systemic coaching in Croatia & Serbia

Soulwork systemic coaching in Poland



Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email