People form human systems, and are rarely disconnected entities.
Human consciousness develops in human systems. Human
seems to be both general and local - every member has personal
consciousness. Many people desire
emotional stability and may
honor, harm or sacrifice
other people to achieve this.
Clarify Emotions & Relationships
A useful psychotherapy would help people achieve their life goals,
which usually includes relationship and emotional goals. Do you want a better life?
Do you want better relationships? Do you want emotional freedom? Do you want to
change something? We offer you support, structure, and accountability.
We hold that healthy relationships support healthy lives.
Relationship problems seem to arise as an emergent property of systemic
interactions, although individual members may be blamed. Our couple coaching and family
counseling includes communication skills to increase cooperation and
manage any desire to criticize or blame.
Commonly Heard during Family Counseling
First Partner: My
partner is a psychopath and made my problems. I am a victim.
Other Partner: My partner is
paranoid and blames me for everything. I am a victim.
Children: Our parents make us
do what they want. We are victims.
We help people turn vague dreams into detailed
plans, manage their emotions and dissolve blocks to success. We offer
structure, support, reality checks and feedback to help people make
decisions and take actions towards their goals. We help people resolve
whatever stopped them moving ahead in their lives.
A systemic psychologist is part
philosopher and part alchemist; part detective
and part shaman ... and in all parts practical. Martyn
Stopping What Stops You
We begin our systemic work by exploring your goals and creating an alliance
to achieve them. We can help you evaluate your life, focus your next steps,
move on and maintain momentum. You determine the agenda for each session.
Perhaps you know what you want, or perhaps you want to explore interesting possibilities ...
relationship systems include their rituals, machines and toys.
We can help you choose how much support you want on
each step toward your goals. You know how you work. You know what may
encourage or sabotage your success. You know what decisions you can make.
Only you can take action and follow through.
We can stimulate you, challenge you, provoke you and support you.
We can help you cross your 'finish line'. We can help you to define:
- your own individual goals
- the goals (expectations)
of other people
- cooperative relationship problems (e.g. habits, conflicts)
- cooperative relationship goals (e.g. families, teams, communities)
Our counseling alliance evolves as we together
discover what works best for you. Some questions
can help design and build our alliance:
- Where you are now ?
- Where you want to be?
- What goals do you want to focus on?
- What will convince you of your success?
- When do you want to start the next step?
We do not tell you how your life should have been, or what you
should have done. We help you define your goals and plans. We help
you stay on track towards the life that you want.
We help you enjoy systemic success - exploring and
the adaptability and survival potential of your
Our sessions may result in a breakthrough for you. Often,
results come as a series of small changes in your habits and attitude,
until you plan and take all your own steps. Although mistakes are one
way to learn, we can help you limit mistakes.
Maybe you expect us to give you answers and
magic tips? We help you develop control and responsibility. You know
the rules you have lived by - and we can help you redefine and perhaps
challenge your rules. As you gain clarity about your goals, you gain
clarity about your actions.
We can help you evaluate how you are doing, what wastes
time, your evidence for success and your future steps. We do expect you
to take responsibility for your barriers, and to develop enough flexibility
to pass them. As you express your desires, we may request homework.
Your homework is negotiable. You might say, "No,
we won't start family meetings, but we'll find ways to have more romantic
moments", and our alliance evolves. If you
accept a task, we may hold you accountable for completing your
task, and may nudge you a little.
Here's a simple example from our couple counseling.
Coach: Did you enjoy those
romantic moments that were last week's homework?
Client: Partly - we found that we could enjoy intimate times
before the kids wake up,
and after they go to bed.
Coach: How do those intimate moments affect your partnership?
Client: It was strange ... I felt like a fumbling
Coach: Can we check your partnership skills?
Do you wait for some external kick to motivate you to
take action? By agreeing to be accountable, we can set up expectations,
deadlines, reality checks and feedback loops. And we will not avoid
truth, even if the truth is not comfortable.
We can help you
evaluate your current situation, the consequences of your past actions, your
future goals ... and choose the most appropriate steps you can take.
is often called criticism.
Most criticism is autobiography. Martyn
We can take you beyond procedures and techniques.
Contact us to resolve
negative emotions and relationship problems.
Online Help: Counseling &
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
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